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Christian Guys: Time To "Woman-Up"!

I was talking to my wife the other day about gender roles, about the unique challenges for the sexes, especially for teenagers. She mentioned something she heard in the blogosphere or on Twitter, which I thought was pretty amazing: the idea that Christian guys need to “woman-up”.

“Brilliant”, I thought.

I’ve been a pastor for 18 years and have been immersed in what is known as the Christian Subculture. It’s that entire other world-within-a-world, filled with writers, musicians, bloggers, politicians, speakers and Christian folks from every other walk of life, whose faith informs, influences, and defines them. Actually, it has become bigger than a world. It is a universe of Christian businesses, corporations and entertainment conglomerates who seek to spread the Gospel by leveraging their influence. (As a pastor, speaker and writer, I by default, belong to said subculture). We’ll just call it Jesusland.

One of the rampant mindsets/teachings/attitudes in Jesusland, is that guys are disengaged from the Church, disconnected from their families and derelict in their Biblical duties as spiritual leaders of their homes.

And while I agree wholeheartedly with all of these assessments, I completely reject the accompanying patriarchal, tough guy, “manly man” undergirding of so many popular pastors, writers and speakers, who use any semblance of compassion, sensitivity, or gentleness by males as some moral alarm going off; and the belief that for men to be MEN, they need to spit, cuss, and watch UFC.

The mantra by those who espouse this alarmist teaching, is that Christian men are too feminine (due to everything from haircuts to skinny jeans to soft soap, and if only they would get back to their animal-killing, club-wielding, hair-dragging mate days, then everything would get better.

If only guys would just “man-up”, then stuff would start turning around.

Baloney.

From where I stand, most Christian men need to become more feminine, not less.

How can I say that?

Women far outnumber men when it comes to serving in the local church, especially in critical ministries to babies, children, and teenagers.

If only one parent of a household attends and volunteers at church, it is overwhelmingly the woman.

Females are the ones who write most of the emails I receive about their kids, and are the ones most outwardly passionate about their families and their faith.

I don’t think the Church needs more tough guys. I think it needs more men; ones who understand that committed followers of Jesus have both passion and compassion, are as affectionate as they are strong, and who move with both bold action and wise restraint.

In essence, I think the men in our churches don’t need to worry about running headlong into some Braveheartesque Biblical manhood identity that frankly, is not Scripturally sound. I think in many ways they need to simply catch-up to the women. 

There are lots of Christian male movements these days; conferences, DVD series, books and even wide-release movies, designed to help men become a greater part of their families and their faith communities. These are all commendable, valid, much-needed entities, and have great value in challenging, empowering and encouraging men of faith.

However, it seems to me that as guys seek to become stronger, more deeply involved members of their homes and places of worship, they need not reject any semblance of femininity or softness in the process. (Jesus modeled what a Godly life looks like, and he did that for both men and women).

So guys in the Church: Don’t worry about changing your shoes, learning to box, or building your biceps. Stop thinking you need to talk tougher or be louder to be a true man of God.

Simply get in the game, get into the Word, start attending to your family, start serving in the trenches… and where necessary; woman-up. 

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