We’ve all experienced the disappointment of Substitution; ordering dinner, shopping for patio furniture, running errands at the grocery store. Lots of times, we need to accept something else in place of what we originally wanted, and even though we may do it begrudgingly and with some complaining, we ultimately accept it.
Most of the time we come to realize, that our second choice yields only a small drop-off in quality. We can live with the unexpected replacement and really be no worse for wear. (Dinner is still great, the blue chairs work just fine, and those other diapers still stop the surprise afternoon flood).
Sometimes though, substitutes won’t do.
There are moments when what you need, is what you need, and anything less isn’t just a loss or an inconvenience, it’s a flat-out tragedy.
The search for Love is this way.
So often, we force people to accept substitution in the deepest parts of who they are. We miss, or sidestep, or ignore their open longings and the clear cries of their heart; unwilling to give them exactly what they need from us. We ask them to accept a horribly inadequate second choice, because we aren’t prepared to honor their first one; maybe because we’re too busy, or unaware, or because we just don’t want to.
Every single day, we give loved-starved people around us, something in the place of Love.
On the surface, Love is one of those words that seems like a no-brainer. For Christians, the stock Sunday School response that “God is love”, easily rolls off our tongues like over-played Summer pop song lyrics. We’ll gladly and loudly and continually parrot that our Biblical mission is to,”Love God and love our neighbor as ourselves.”
The problem comes, when actual messy, flawed, hurting, needy people (those annoying “neighbors”), come knocking on our doors at inconvenient, unexpected times. They may be different from us, or believe differently, or behave differently.
They come in search of something deeper than a 140-character religious platitude, something sturdier than a gift shop needlepoint Scripture soundbyte, something that they can touch, and see, and feel; something that does what only Love can do… and they walk away empty-handed.
On closer examination it turns out, God may indeed be Love, but it doesn’t always run in the family.
As individuals and as a Church, I think we love Love as an idea. But as a job description? Not so much.
Far too often, our Christian lives become a really poor substitute for the Jesus that the world is looking to see, and frankly I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of us giving people Religion in the place of Love.
I’m tired of us giving them Theology in the place of Love.
And giving them Being Right in the place of Love.
And Judgement in the place of Love.
And Politics in the place of Love.
And Hatred.
And Contempt.
And Silence.
You know what I’m talking about corporately, because you’ve experienced it personally.
You understand what it feels like to come to someone for Love, and get a lame, empty, inferior substitute; from your parents, your spouse, your kids, your friends, your church.
Love is the thing that we crave so deeply for ourselves when we interact with people, and regardless of what anyone tells us or how they might try to rationalize it at the time, we all know when we’re getting something else… and we know how much it sucks.
People outside of the Church know when we’re giving them something in the place of Love too.
I’m fully convinced that the greatest thing you can do for someone; the most Jesus-like, most God-honoring thing; is to err on the side of loving them.
That doesn’t mean you always tell them what they want to hear, or that you aren’t honest with them, or that you don’t hold them accountable. It simply means that when you have a gap; whether in knowledge, or wisdom, or clarity, or experience, (which happens more often than we’d like to admit) that you fill that gap with kindness and decency and compassion.
The mistake no Christian should ever make, is to be generous with Judgment and stingy with Grace.
Church, the world is absolutely starving for Love, and it’s time we stopped making excuses and unlocked the pantry so that everybody gets a belly full.
If you claim faith (or even if you don’t), examine your own heart as you are called to respond to the hearts of others; those who cross your path, or live in your home, or show-up on your news feed; each looking for the same spirit-lifting, soul-embracing thing.
As you do, as much as you are ever able, may you put nothing else in the place of Love.
