Mother’s Day.
For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and Sunday brunches and waves of laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and warm embraces and great rejoicing. It means resting fully in all that is good about loving and being loved.
But not for some people.
For some it only means tears.
For some it just hurts.
In the hearts of many, this day is a bitter, unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.
Maybe it is such a day for you.
It might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.
It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been severed.
It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.
It might be yet another occasion to lament the mistakes you made or the words you didn’t say or the kindness you never knew.
It might be an annual injury you sustain.
Consider this a personal love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.
This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship or guilt or alteration.
If you are hurting, then hurt.
May you feel permission to cry, to grieve, to be not alright.
May you relieve yourself of the burden of pretending everything is fine or faking stability or concealing the damage.
May you feel not a trace of guilt for any twinge of pain or anger that seizes you today, because it is your right to feel.
Above all though, may you find encouragement even in your profound anguish.
May you find in your very sadness, the proof that your heart though badly broken, still works.
Let the pain you are enduring reassure you that you still have the capacity to care deeply, despite how difficult it has been.
See your grief as the terrible tax on loving people well, and see your unquenched longing for something better as a reminder of the goodness within you that desires a soft place to land.
If on this Mother’s Day you are struggling, know that you are not alone.
May these words be the flowers that you wait for or the call that won’t come or the conversation that you can’t have or the reunion that has not yet arrived.
Let them be hope packaged and personally delivered to the center of your heart, and may they sustain you.
In this time of great pain, know that you are seen and heard, and that you are more loved than you realize.
Be greatly encouraged today.
Thank you so much for this. I lost my mom just over 3 weeks ago and it hurts everyday. Mothers day was very difficult but I am lucky I have 2 beautiful daughters who made my day better. God Bless xxx
Mothers Day is so hard. It’s been 3 years since my daughter has spoken to me. It’s a day to remember my failure as a mother.
I pray that forgiveness will find its way into both yours and your daughter’s hearts. I cannot imagine the pain. I pray the for divine intervention to bring you and your daughter together again.
Blessings, Shawn.
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Having just said a final goodbye to my Mom in November, I dreaded this Mother’s Day. She would have hated that because I am blessed with three beautiful daughters and three terrific grandchildren. Mom’s birthday was May 4 and then ten days later, Mother’s Day. I was very sad and acted out terribly. Then I asked Jesus to put his loving arms around me and he did. I planned a Mother’s Day Celebration luncheon for my friends who have no children but have mothered many as well as those with children. We saluted our mothers and blessed each other for having friends and family who love us. Thank you for your loving arms, Jesus…and Mom.
I had twins in 2006, a beautiful boy and beautiful girl. They were premature 6 weeks, they both moved slowly from being in the special care unit till the end being called the fat farm as had gained weight and were 3 days away from brining them home. Until we received the devastating news that our precious girl Evangeline had to be rushed to Royal Children’s Hospital as had become very sick dramatically. She was flown there we we were told 50% of her brain was dead and had contracted bacterial meningitis, and there was nothing they could do for her as she probably won’t last a few days. I was numb, I couldn’t breath nor believe what was being said to me, her twin brother had to be tested as he was sharing twin crib with her and might have caught it to? Thank goodness he hadn’t but my life was shattered. Mothers day is a very painful time for me, but looking at her twin brother Alexander is what makes me strong as we talk about her daily and kiss him goodnight with a kiss on his forehead for Evangeline. We tried 2 times after our loss to have another child and unfortunately both babies had full blown down syndrome and was told that it wouldn’t be possible to have more children. The pain is so deep and heartfelt that I am so lucky that I have Alexander and to never forget Evangeline celebrating her life while she was with us. Being twins they have a strong connection and feel her through Alexander which is beautiful.
I happened to read your story and wanted to say thank you for sharing. My first son J.J. was born with down syndrome. He was perfect to me but he got meningitis when he was a little over a month old. And I’ve lost 3 more babies after him. Mothers day is also hard for me. You are not alone. Bless you for carrying that weight that so few around us understand.
As Mother’s Day approaches, I need to give a shout out to all the women out there who are not mothers. I am not a mother and I have a few points for you to make the day the best it can be. 1. Mother’s Day was specifically created to celebrate our own mothers, either that have past or are with us. The world changed it to involve every woman to increase their sales of chocolate and flowers, of course. 2. You are not alone, keep your head up and kick some soul butt. What do I mean by kick some soul butt? Fight those thoughts that come to tear you down and hurt you. They come from a place that wants to destroy you; replace them with thoughts or memories to build yourself up. 3. We do not have to conform to the world’s way and can make a choice to not participate. I’ve made a choice for years to not attend church, stay away from restaurants, and try to reach out to women like me, as my way to celebrate Mother’s Day. 4. If your circle of friends includes people who cannot fully accept you, replace them. You are unique and people who choose to have conversations with you are going to have to dig deeper. Those kind of friends are worth the wait. 5. Not every woman without kids was a built in babysitter for their siblings or friends. 6. In case you have not noticed, the world is overpopulated. 7. If the God who created the world is your God and master, then it’s time to treat Him as such. His ways are greater than our ways and it’s time we accept His plan for our lives. Believe me, there is a reason and it is not because you would have not made a good mother. 8. Make Mother’s Day a day to celebrate your own mother and become more mentally healthy and to make friends with women like you. God Bless
i have kids and for the last 4 yrs my ex wont let me talk to them on mothers day cause i left him.
Yeah, I find it quite It’s like, what which is thought provoking would these people not respond to with that link?
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My mother was a miserable person who took her own life at 79 in 2003. I endured her wrath for most of my life until she was gone. She gave me mixed messages, so it took a long time and many mistakes of my own to figure out that she was not normal. She suffered an abusive childhood herself.
On the other hand, I have 2 grown daughters of my own who are pretty fabulous, and who love me very much. I worked hard to do my best for them, and my best wasn’t always good enough, but in the long run, I guess it was. I feel very reflective this Mother’s Day about it all. Mostly I just feel deeply grateful for my girls as my mom’s memory fades away.
As someone who for various reasons never had children but wanted them, thank you for these words today. God bless you.
Don’t you hate it when holidays pop up and make you feel sad?
That’s not what they were created for. That’s why I find even the most minute reason to celebrate life.
Thank you from the broken heart of this bereaved mother.
My only son wishes I was dead and wants me to die a painful death and my only daughter told me I was dead to her. I was a single parent to them since they were toddlers and my ex-husband was a deadbeat Dad. They are now 39 and 41. I sacrificed, scrimped and saved to try to give them as normal a life as I could and this is the thanks I get.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you. Although I celebrate Mother’s Day because I have one of the very best Moms there could be, it is always so bittersweet for me because I was never blessed with a child of my own. I do have a stepson and now grandchildren but even as their Nana, I am never remembered on Mother’s Day. I know others have bigger sadnesses with losing their moms but this day always makes me cry. (I do have two little pug fur babies that love me a lot though!)
Thank you…
This is the first Mother’s Day without my Mom… She passed away suddenly November 2017.. we lost our Dad in November 2015 and I know my Mom missed him too…
I feel so alone now… I have no one to talk to… I have family, a daughter, a grandson.. what I don’t have is my Mom… my best friend… we were each others’ shoulder.. we’d talk for hours…
My birthday came and went, no cheery phone call… Her Birthday came and went… there was too much snow & ice for me to get to the cemetery.. here we are Mother’s Day. I sat in the cemetery trying NOT to cry as there were many others there.. kids running around..how I wanted to yell at them to show respect but I didn’t.. I just wiped my eyes and looked away…
I know she’s happy to be with my Dad again.. but how do WE feel happy with them gone?
I’ll be happy when I am with them again…
Wow this is late just seeing this and this past Mothers Day was my 1st w/o my Mom. We loss her March 19 and there is still not a day that goes by that I dont think of her reach for the phone to call her. A month after losing my mouth my daughter lost her 1st child my 1st grandbaby…on the way to hospital I reached to call Mom what a bad feeling. I’m just realizing that I’m in total grief mode and feel completely loss…this was a helpful writing. I’m working everyday to accept, appreciate the memories and get back to normal. She left an awesome legacy and I want to continue it and walk what my Momma gave me!
This posting from John certainly brought me to tears, but reading so many of these postings does also. I delivered my son in 1970 when I had just turned 20 years old, and I never saw him as I knew I was giving him up for adoption. I knew I wouldn’t have the support I needed to have a wonderful life for him, one that I didn’t have growing up, and I wanted so much more for him. 47 years later I still regret I didn’t have the strength to do this on my own, and I pray daily that he’s had a good life and he knows I still love him. Four of my nieces and nephews were adopted, so I have hope that it turned out well. I’m so sorry for those parents who don’t have a good relationship with their children. My parents and I were not as close as I had always wanted to be, but I was always more in touch than some of these children are, and I can only imagine the pain a parent feels when a child doesn’t want to have anything to do with them. Fortunately I know some parents who have an incredibly close relationship with their children, and I’m so sorry for all of those who don’t.