For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

Tear

Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and Sunday brunches and waves of laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and warm embraces and great rejoicing. It means resting fully in all that is good about loving and being loved.

But not for some people.

But for some it only means tears.

For some it just hurts.

In the hearts of many, this day is a bitter, unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

Maybe it is such a day for you.

It might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

It might be yet another occasion to lament the mistakes you made or the words you didn’t say or the kindness you never knew.

It might be an annual injury you sustain.

Consider this a personal love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship or guilt or alteration. 

If you are hurting, then hurt.

May you feel permission to cry, to grieve, to be not alright.

May you relieve yourself of the burden of pretending everything is fine or faking stability or concealing the damage.

May you feel not a trace of guilt for any twinge of pain or anger that seizes you today, because it is your right to feel.

Above all though, may you find encouragement even in your profound anguish.

May you find in your very sadness, the proof that your heart though badly broken, still works.

Let the pain you are enduring reassure you that you still have the capacity to care deeply, despite how difficult it has been.

See your grief as the terrible tax on loving people well, and see your unquenched longing for something better as a reminder of the goodness within you that desires a soft place to land.

If on this Mother’s Day you are struggling, know that you are not alone.

May these words be the flowers that you wait for or the call that won’t come or the conversation that you can’t have or the reunion that has not yet arrived. 

Let them be hope packaged and personally delivered to the center of your heart, and may they sustain you.

In this time of great pain, know that you are seen and heard, and that you are more loved than you realize.

Be greatly encouraged today.

939 thoughts on “For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day

      • people who don’t want what they have are truly broken themselves and can’t see what it is they have. be true to you and know that you ae worthy to be loved.

            • My deepest sympathy for the loss of your child. There are no words to express the pain you endure daily. Please know that people care and wish there was a way to ease your pain. It is my hope you feel surrounded by light and love.

              • GOD BLESS. ALL who posted some of the most encouraging words we all need to hear. For me esp. I know that when i lost my mom a short time ago i also lost a few of my friends i thought could understand after such a loss i wouldnt be the same and im not the same it seems they wanted the me i was before i lost my mom. It has taken its toll on me. I wish people would just understand we all move at our own pace. To me the love and relationship between a mother and son is a bond forever apart of my heart. God Bless each of you mothers god. I miss u momma. Your son David.

                • David, I lost my mother over 11 years ago and my heart still aches. That void can never be filled. As you said the bond between a mother and son lasts forever.

                  • I lost my mom June 20th 2000 it doesn’t feel like 17yrs, yes I agree the bond between mother and 1st born Son one like no other. R.I.H.

                • God bless us all who lost a child I do believe when I die I will ask God why he took my precious son at such a young age and he will show me a video and I will get on my knees and kiss his feet and say thank you because there must’ve been something worse store for our children let’s put our faith and trusting God even how much it hurts today is our children God bless all you mothers and make peace be with you

                  • Amen! God took my 29 year old daughter home on Jan 6, 2016. She was healthy, beautiful, smart and had a heart of Gold, and she died from a blood clot to the brain. I am still mourning and heart broken but I trust God completely that everything works together for good to those who love Him!

                • I am so sorry David to hear your story. Loss is is hard but when you compile it…… it’s unbearable and the pain seems to never go away. It’s now a part of the “new you” that has to go forward.
                  It’s horrible to know that friends, whom we’ve loved, who in some cases have been like family, would turn their backs or put limitations on us and not be supportive. I’m so sorry. I understand your pain.
                  You will go on, although at times you will wonder how. It will be painful. You will be forever changed. There will be a new you, so to speak, that you will have to get to know.
                  You​ “may” fill the gaps of those lost, but it will always be with you. Just in shorter time spans. I think though, our pain stays the same, but we learn to live with it.
                  Again, I am so sorry. I understand as I have been where you are now. There are those of us out here that DO care. You are not alone. ❤❤

                  • Beautifully written. There are many of us with you sharing the same feelings.
                    I lost my mom on March 21, 2017 unbearable. I also know she is not suffering anymore and with my other family members that I have lost in the last four years: My Dad, my only sibling my brother and his wife, my Mom (whose birthday was the day after Mother’s Day) and most recently on May 6, 2017 I lost my last Auntie. Her birthday fell on my birthday 40 years apart. A truly truly difficult and unbearable 4 years. But I stay as strong as I can for my daughter with special needs because we are the only 2 left….

                • having just lost my only son 3 months ago, I can empathize with your pain and the feeling of not being the same man you were. I found out who my real friends were and that was an eye opener.
                  I am deeply sorry for your loss. Remember the good. Look up to the Lord for strength and peace.
                  sending you a hug.

                • My heart is with you David. Prayers of comfort and love are sent in your way. Time is a healer. Stay stro g my brother. You’re stronger than you think. Your mother’s with you all ways. Alofas & blessings. 💚💙

                • My situation is a little different. I loss my husband & yes, people around me saw the change in me & thought that person, who I once was would come back. Sorry, I will never be that person again & I had negative statements made to me, but until you lose that important person in your life, you don’t understand & you don’t get to pass judgment, until you walk in my shoes. David, you can grieve as long as you need to & of course you have changed. It is ok & don’t let anyone tell you it is not.

                • You’re never the same once your mom is gone. Mothers Day is a tough day for me just like so many, you included. Hugs to you.

                • I am so very sorry David.. I also loss my Mother and on a day like Mothers Day the loss and pain is two-fold.. For those that don’t understand or care that’s on them.. David you will find that more people care then not.. Take one day at a time that’s all we can do.. Sending you prayers of Healing and Love ❤️

              • There is another kind of loss that is unseen. I could accept a child passing away. There death must be accepted.
                But what if they choose to sever their relationship with you?
                What if this loss is a choice your child makes?
                How do you heal from that when every day you wake up and hope for the call that never comes because your child chooses it?

                • Kay: I understand what you mean. I am going thru that right now. I know I have not been a perfect Mom, but it certainly was not purposely done. I love him with all my heart and soul, and he knows it. I don’t understand where he is coming from. I cannot get in contact with him at this time. It hurts, it really hurts, because he hasn’t explained.

            • I lost my only child, January 23, 2017.
              I cry daily. This is my first Mothers Day in 22 years, that I’m no longer a mother.

              • You will always be a Mother. I’m sorry for your recent loss of your child, but Moothethood is something that can never be taken away. I will say a prayer for you.

                • I always feel lost on Mother’s Day. Lost my son during pregnancy 12 years ago….even though no one around me acknowledges it, I know I am a mother!

                  • Right, you ARE a mother. You are a mother of a child, that is buisy giving its talents in an other world. Always be sure, that it was you who hosted it it’s first few month of being. These few month already have made an impact to this soul. Be proud, that you have had the chance of being a mom for this soul despite of the time. In eternity, time doesn’t count.

                    • Nicely put, I lost our baby to ectopic miscarriage, thinking my husband was sterile as he was childless after 3 failed marriages, to find out that wife #3 suffered the same as me yet my husband didn’t remember, now I can never forget that day that I was told I was pregnant then after the shock of a pregnancy & still in shock was told that I wasn’t going to be blessed with a 4th child as I was going through a spontaneous miscarriage because the tube had broken & I had hemorrhaged 5 & 1/2 litres of blood & nearly died as well, but none of that matters anymore because 8/5/05 will always be an emotional day even though I suffer in silence & I do it alone because my husband won’t understand my pain or suffering. So in my heart, mind & soul believes that my only son never met his mom or his 3 sister’s before him. I silently wish him a happy birthday every year.

                    • Lost my biologist mother 11yrs ago I still wear her purfume on mothers day helps me feel like shes still here.

                  • Make yourself a t-shirt. That says so. That’s what I do. I have two daughters but their Dad moved away. It’s really hard to wear, but at least people will know. ❤

                  • Yes you were and yes you are. So acknowledge that child in a little prayer and then go do something for yourself as if that child was next to you. Go for a walk, get an ice cream, sit in the park…or just be still with your thoughts. I am so sorry you had to experience this loss.

                    • I am so sorry for all who have lost a child. I lost my oldest child and only son 25 years ago May 20. As our other children were growing up, when we were missing him a lot, we would buy helium balloons – as many as you want – and write letters to him on the balloons using permanent markers. Then we would take them outside and “send” them to him by letting them fly up to heaven. It may sound silly, but it’s amazing how much this helps! Try it!
                      Love and blessings!

                  • I lost my son last year during pregnancy and I know exactly what your going through and how you feel I’m so sorry may god heal your pain but we will never forget

                  • I lost three and even though I did not see their faces or hold their tiny hands I especially think of my children on this day.

                  • Yes you are you have had the gift of life touch you!! I have lost three souls and luckily blessed by two and a step daughter!

                  • God Bless you ! Yes!! You most definitely are a mother. You carried your baby in your body as close to your heart as possible. You don’t need anyone else’s acknowledgements.

              • You will ALWAYS be a mother please know that ❤️. May God guide and help you through each day and help heal your heart. Take care of yourself.

                • Anonymous I lost my mother 30 days after I got clean it took a long time for not to feel ok when someone else talk about their Mom some time it will show up now

                  • Please know that she was so very proud of you, not only for having the courage it takes to get & stay clean, but just because you are. You are a beautiful miracle & the love you shared with her was a precious gift to her. Don’t look back with regret, she sees your progress & is sending you blessings & support from heaven.

                  • If your mother had thirty days to enjoy your sobriety, I’ll bet she died happy. May she Rest In Peace and may you take joy in the good times and the times to come, now and in eternity when you meet again.

                  • Your Mom is still watching over you , of this I’m sure!
                    Encouraging you to stay clean and sober every day.
                    What a gift you gave her before she passed!
                    All a Mother ever wants is to see their children happy, and doing the best they can in this life .
                    You can keep honoring her memory be staying clean.
                    Not just on Mother’s Day , but all year through.
                    Best wishes to you on your sober life!

              • Judith, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. You are forever a mother, there is no going back to the day before you knew of your child. The sadness and pain you carry is unimaginable to most of us, but may you find the strength and courage to carry yourself forward every day. HUGS

                • Liz I feel the pain and hurt you are going through I too as well lost my mother on the e 24 of January as well I also had my daughter married in April and now mothers day it is starting to hurt

                  • I lost a baby angel before I even knew I was carrying a little soul. I never thought I had the right to feel bad because I didn’t even know baby was with me but after reading this maybe it’s ok to be sad.

                    • Of course it’s okay to be sad. You will always be that precious angel’s Mommy! Sending you light, love and heart healing energies. <3

                    • It definitely is okay to feel sad. I lost two early in pregnancy, and although I have 3 other children I always remember the ones I haven’t met yet and look forward to seeing them in Heaven. May God comfort you in your loss. Miscarriages are difficult because generally you mourn alone. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s who haven’t met their children yet.

                    • It’s so ok to be sad especially when you didn’t have the chance to know you were carrying that little one. You write like a loving mother. You can grieve for your loss – no guilt required !

                • Liz I feel the pain and hurt you are going through I too as well lost my mother on the e 24 of January as well I also had my daughter married in April and now mothers day it is starting to feel the pain

              • You will always be a mother…carry all the memories of your child in your heart. With sincere prayers for Heavenly Father to carry you through

                • What about those who have children that refuse your love. I have 4 sons that haven’t talked to me for 3yrs due to divorcing my abusive husband. I list my mom to cancer 8yrs ago so I don’t celebrate mothers day 🙁

                  • Love your self for the good that you have done for yourself. You matter and are still a mother. Celebrate love!

                  • I can relate to this I have lived in the same town as my youngest son and seen him once in 2yrs at Thanksgiving ,gave him my phone number and told him to please call me,not one phone call.My older son lives in Omaha Neb. I have called and called,left voicemail after voicemail,nothing.Iam so hurt and depressed it is killing me.They were my complete life for 25yrs everything I did was for them and I loved every bit of it.I left their father and we divorced and they have never really treated me right or tried to put me in there lifes,and I have tried,but Ive given up .If I let it I will cry all day everyday,I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!

                    • I feel your pain. I divorced my abusive ex husband, and he turned around and turned my kids against me.

                    • Same thing for me I have one son who is 31, got married 4 years ago and moved 7 hours away. The only time I get to talk to him is when she is not around. I have 2 beautiful grand babies that I don’t get to be apart of their lives, but her family gets to see them every week. Mother’s Day is so said for me, my heart is breaking. I spent time with my mom, but not even a card. His wife posts all kinds of nice things about her mother holding the grandbabies and I get a one line that says happy Mother’s Day. Why can’t she let me in, I don’t know what to do, I’m so sad, I don’t even want to go on.

                  • I’m so sorry. That’s really sad and I don’t blame you for not celebrating. I knew if I looked here I’d find someone like me who understood. Hugs for being brave enough to leave and shame on him for poisoning your children. Surely good awaits us somewhere.

                  • I too gave birth. And raised two sons that choose to not love me. I have 4 grand children that don’t even know that I exist . I too grieve on Mother’s Day and every other day.

                  • I have two grown children that moved back to be with their Dad, my abusive ex. They cut me off 8 years ago. It’s really hard, they don’t communicate at all, but I raised them myself until they were 15 and 17. I’m very proud they are now self-sufficient and successful, but I miss them every day. Know that you did your best and that they will always be yours, no matter what they or anyone else thinks. You did so well, and should be proud to be a mom. Celebrate what you achieved and your love for them.

                  • Losing living children is really hard. You pray for the day that they will return to you. You are truly a strong mother and woman for doing what you needed to do to save yourself.

                  • Losing living children is really hard. You pray for the day that they will return to you.
                    I lost one of my adult children during this past year. I don’t know why he won’t talk to me or my husband.
                    I count my blessings that I have. other children. Some are my biological children and others are children whom I have a relationship due to my work as a teacher.

                  • So sorry. It’s a sad day for me as regardless of HOW HARD I TRY I wil NEVER measure up for my Mother. It’s hard when YOU & EVERYBODY else sees the partiality between you & your sister. Sister pretends to be goody to shoes to inherit ALL. It’s ok as God knows the truth & each of our hearts. Even my children are snubbed! Mother’s DAY is bittersweet.

                  • while I can understand your hurt this is not the forum to be discussing your anger,it is intended for people who are suffering the pain mothers day can bring for some,hope you can get some help

              • You are always a mother. Sorry for your loss, I can not say I know the pain you feel but you are always a mother. I have a very close friend that this will be her first Mother’s Day missing her daughter. Never feel alone your child is always with you. Put your hand on your chest and feel the love they have left within your heart.

              • You will ALWAYS be a mother! You are the mother of a flying soul, a memory, a child who will live forever in your soul…you will never NOT be a mother…❤️

              • So very sorry for the loss of your child. I have only one, and he was born after 14 yrs of marriage. I cherish every second. He is my heart. He gave me 4 grandchildren, but one was stillborn. It still hurts would’ve been 4 this month. I want to tell you it gets easier, but I would be lying. You just learn to live with the heartache. Please know that you aren’t alone and others care, You ARE STILL a Mom, just a Mom of an Angel now. <3

              • I have lost a child a grandchild and both parents. The hurt never ends but I feel so privileged to have had such special people in my life. May God keep his loving arms around you always.

              • But you are still a mother. You’re the mother of an angel. I remind myself of the every time I think of my angel babies. Though we have lost them, We are still their mothers and we always will be.

              • You became a mother the day your child was conceived. That will never change. I feel your pain. Sonehow, we will get through this💔

              • I lost my son in 2010…I feel your anguish. My heart goes out to you. This year my pain, tho not gone, is softer.

                • I lost a son a few years ago and thought nothing cold be worse….I just lost my oldest son 4 weeks ago. I have no daughters but I do have my youngest son. I took out the Mothers Day cards from the son I just lost and read them this morning. The pain is terrible but I love my youngest son very much and will continue to love and miss the 2 that are in Heaven.

              • You will always be a mom, maybe not to your child but to the ones around you and in your heart. I’m sorry for your loss and I will pray for you.

              • Terribly sorry for your loss, and I know that no words can ease the pain but we can pray for you. Lots of love and hugs. ❤️

              • You are still a mother, a mother to an angel that will protect you. I’m sure she still visits and checks in on you. Look for the signs. My heart breaks for you.

              • You are still a mother. Cry your tears. They are yours to express a pain that noeone else can measure. the pain you hold in your heart is yours. and that pain will always be there But also remember the love still in your heart that can never be put out by the tears from your eyes.

              • You sre still a mother hun
                Just as I am still a daughter. My mum died 27th January 2017
                I’m a nurse yet I still cry every day and today was horrible
                There are no words to compare our grief as it comes from different perspectives but never forget you will always be your darlings mother you just don’t have their physical form to hold
                Bless you darling and perhaps in time however long that takes you’ll be able to shed less tears on special days and smile at memories shared
                Not yet and only you will know when.
                As for me I fake a lot and talk to my mum a lot in my head
                It helps me
                Bless you darling 🙅💖🙅

              • Judith. I know maybe this is not what you need to hear, but yes.. you are still a mother of your beautiful angel. I am so sorry for your loss. This is my second mothers day without my beautiful boy

                • ISABEL THIS IS MY FIRST MOTHERS DAY SINCE I LOST MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER IN OCT.2016 AND IT WAS SO PAINFUL.I STILL HAVE MY SON AND HE CAME BUT HE WAS MISSING HIS SISTER SO BAD TOO. I TRIED NOT TO CRY BECAUSE OF HIM BUT I DID CRY A BIT. IT’S HARD TO HOLD BACK THE LOVE YOU FEEL FOR THE CHILD YOU LOST..GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS.

              • Judith, I know your pain intimately. I, too, lost my only. It’s been almost 15 years, but this is one case where time doesn’t heal…
                Please try to focus on the gift you had while you had it and treasure their spirit presence in a way that would be limited by physical presence. And surround yourself with people who will love and cherish the memory of your sweet child, even if they never knew them.

              • Dear Father!! I send prayers over your heart. May you find some peace and comfort in your journey of understanding your loss.

              • Prayers of comfort to you, may God wrap His arms around you and comfort and sustain you. Words cannot express my sympathy for you. Much love , hugs, and prayers go help you get through this unimaginably difficult time.

              • Praying for you to find peace and comfort in your loss. You will always be a mother, Judith, as long as your child is in your heart.

              • I lost my daughter in 1975, she was eight . It was the day BEFORE Mother’s Day, MAY 10th.
                MOTHERS DAY HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY HARD FOR ME TO CONNECT WITH.

                • My Godson was killed the day before mothers day. It was a tough time, a very tragic time for our family. They say time heals all wounds but most of us know that does not necessarily happen so easily. But, we all know that one day when Christ returns, we will be with our lost loved ones again and I cannot wait for that day. I will see my Godson again, my mother again and so many more relatives that are missed. Thank you God for giving that to us. It’s the one thing that has always held me together.

              • so so sorry with your loss, I lost my 11 year old beautiful son years ago and he is never ever out of my thoughts… ..stay strong..

              • My sincere condolences to you. However, you are still a mother & you always will be. Your child just moved to Paradise, that’s all.
                No one should be able to take the experience of childbirth or motherhood from you, not even yourself. Hoping your tears heal you & turn your heart from grieving to thankfulness for motherhood soon. Many are denied the priviledge. God bless.

              • You will always truly be a mother. You were blessed but unfortunately it was taken to soon. Time never heals like people say. It’s the memories that make us smile and tears that remind us that we still live for those who have passed. Please don’t ever feel like you are not a mother. Be cause I’m sure you were one great and amazing one if you have the feeling you have and that’s a blessing in disguise! Happy mother’s day

              • Judith you are and will always be a mother.
                You’re a mother to a child in heaven.
                I hope in time when you think of your beautiful child that it will bring a smile to your face when you remember all the wonderful memories you have.
                I am truly sorry for your loss

              • Your pain must be unbearable,but you will always be a mum,the mere fact you feel so much pain means you were and still are the best mum ever x

              • If I could restore to you what is rightfully yours, I would.
                Whoever you are, wherever you are, my heart goes out to you and those who share your grief.

              • Please remember your value. You will always be your child’s mother. Just because he/she is not present, doesn’t erase the love and nurturing that you have given your child. Once you are a mother, you are always a mother. My hugs to you. I cannot imagine the loss you are experiencing. I am so sorry. There is no question that your child knows that you loved him.

              • I too, as well lost my only child ( born on the day you lost
                your precious child)
                Christopher was my North Star and best friend. You and I will always be our beloved children’s mothers.
                Don’t ever doubt that.

              • I lost my only child 10
                Years old today. I pain does ease with time. What has sustain me is my faith and Compassionate friends
                Support group.

              • You will always be a mom. I lost my only son 4 years ago and I still feel the pain you are feeling now. Just know that once a mom always a mom.

              • But you are a mother, you gave birth you raised your child for 22 years. I lost my mother 7 years ago, she is still my mother, I cry often for my mother, I am 50 years old, it will never change. You will always be a mother, never forget that. I feel the same pain you feel, God Bless You. Prayers….

              • I’m so sorry dear! I can not even start to imagine your hurt! I pray for comfort and calmness in your life. May God bless you on this day and every day!!

              • Judith, first I wish to convey my condolences. And second, please always remember, you are and always will be a mother. We may no longer live in a world with our children, but they will always be our children. 💕

              • Dear Judith.. I am so saddened to hear of your loss (I can’t imagine it). This is my first Mother’s Day without a mother but I had her for 53 years. My heart goes out to you (to a stranger). May you find a way to live unbroken. What a burden Grief and missing someone is. I haven’t any words of wisdom. Only love.

              • You are and always will be, very much a mother EVERY DAY….those 22 years mattered then and they matter now!

              • You are still very much in mother a wonderful loving amazing mother that’ll never change you just share Mother’s Day With Heaven please don’t ever say but you’re not a mother

              • I am so sorry and wish I could take some of your pain away. Please know that your child still is with you in your love, your memories and more.

              • perhaps not the right thing to say today, but in truth once a mother, always a mother. may you heal at your own pace toward a time when there are fewer tears and when memories of times you shared with your child bring a smile and celebration. A poem that has helped me with loss is e e cummings “i carry your heart”

              • There is little one can say when they hear this. As the mother of an only child I imagine the pain is beyond measure. May your heart heal one little bit at a time.

              • Oh, but you will always be a mother and your dear child lives on in your heart. So sorry for your loss but hold tight to that love,

              • You will Always be a mother, for as long as YOU live. When it’s your turn, your child will be waiting for you. I also lost my oldest at 29 yrs, 5 yrs ago and everyday is also like the 1st day. Mother’s Day are really a wreck for me as are the rest of the other holidays. I know your pain. Sending hugs💗

              • You are “ALWAYS” a mother.. & that’s forever! The word just doesnt leave you when your child departs this earth. You earned that title.. Wear it proudly!
                From one who is the same as you

              • How unimaginably tragic. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that your child is resting peacefully in the arms of Our Lord…

              • I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son 14 years ago. I’d like to tell you it gets easier but it does not. It just gets a little easier to deal with as time goes by. All my prayers and best wishes to you on this day and everyday.

              • You will always be a mother.
                I lost my son March 28th, 2016, and my unborn daughter dec 2016.
                Dead or alive, always my babies. Prayers

              • But you ARE still a mother! You are a mother of a child that lives in heaven. God bless you, and comfort you todayand every day.

              • In a way I know. You are always a mother, as I am who gave birth, but was not allowed to raise my son, my only child. I never got to be his Mom, but I am a mother.

              • I’m so sorry. I pray you can find a new peace. I don’t know what to say but I am hurting for you anf I don’t know you. I’ll pray.

              • Judith,
                You are and always will be a Mother! No one can take that from you! You are just a mother whose child is in Heaven. Crying everyday, only since losing your child in January, is perfectly understandable. This will always be a hard day for you, but with time and God you will get through it.

              • You are still a mother to an angel child no mater how old your child is. I have an angel son too. They are always in our hearts and they love us too and want the best for us until we see them again. Happy Mothers Day!

              • That breaks my heart. When we have children we r bunk of ourselves as mothers. But what happens to that identity when a child passes away? I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get through the day and that each Mother’s Day is that much easier for you. My mother HATED Mother’s Day, she thought it was manufactured and forced, but that was just her in a nutshell.

              • God hold you close and help you find peace. It won’t cure the hurt or change anything but it may help you reach across such a terrible void. I do not know you but you have my love.

              • You will always be a mother. Sadness and tears will diminish and take a different form but you will always be a mother. Celebrate the 22 years you shared and may the next 22 years affirm the joy of having been a mother even if it was cut short.

              • You are always a mom…….
                Love is eternal and especially the love between mother and child. In time we will all be together again as if we were never apart …

              • I am so sorry for you loss. I can’t imagine losing a child. A child is suppose to bury their parents not a parent bury a child. I can’t imagine the pain you are in my dear. Many hugs to you. ❤️❤️❤️

              • Judith, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child. He or she will always be your child, and you, his or her mother. May the universe hold you close, today and always.

              • You will always be a mother. Your child is with you in your heart. You’re never without them. I know because I lost my daughter. May God send you peace and comfort.

              • You will always be a mother. I lost my son 24 yrs ago at age 16. I do have a daughter that I love more than life itself but it is painful on this day to want what will never be again. I am so grateful for my daughter but the void is more noticeable on this day. You are not alone on this journey. Allow yourself to feel what you feel today and don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need to.
                My prayers for you are sent that your heart will have healing and peace on this and every day

              • I’m so very sorry for your loss. There must be no sorrow as great as losing a child. The agony will last forever. I will hope that there is a healing that will come to you in some form – maybe something totally out of the blue, that will be soothing and comforting, if there is anything like that. I’m so sorry….

              • You will always be your child’s mother. You bore them, raised them, kissed their hurts, repaired their hearts, worried about them, got mad at them, didn’t like them sometimes but you always loved them. You were, are, will always be your child’s mother. So in book You are a mother. Hugs and kisses

              • You will always be a Mom. never forget it! God will give you another soul to love in one form or another. Keep strong and never give up your faith 🙂

              • Judith, you will always be a mother. Your child was truly blessed to have you in his or her life. I lost my mother a few years ago, yet there isn’t a day that goes by where I think of her and smile and remember all the good in life she gave me. A mother should never have to burry her child. It is just not right. You never stop being a mama even when your child is gone. My heart hurts for you today. Please know that you will constantly be in my prayers. Love to you today. ❤️

              • Judith, I am truly sorry for your loss. But, you are still a Mother! You were Blessed to have given birth to another human being and to have loved him with all of you! A very difficult day for you. Praying for your peace.

              • Judith, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot possibly comprehend your pain but that pain is the pain only a mother would feel. Your tears are a mother’s tears so each and every day you cry your motherhood is expressed. You are still a mother to your child expressing your love for them thus demonstrating that they had value and meaning of life and that they meant so much to you that you can barely stand it without them. As mothers we experience much pain in our hearts for and from our children whether they be with us or not. But that precious bond of mother and child can never be denied. I know one day the pain will lessen some but the bond will forever be there.

              • I lost my 21 year old son going on almost a year. My heart aches and feel your pain. However, you will always be a mom,you gave birth and experienced something that was such a blessing. Healing and prayers

              • I just lost my only daughter March 23rd this year at 15 yrs old and today was very sad and depressing for me knowing I will never again feel like celebrating this day. Only call my mom and tthat’s it for this day. It still hurts so much everyday.

              • Oh goodness! You are always a Mother no matter what! Please know that you are loved and we are praying for you! May God hold you & comfort you today & every day! I’m so very sorry for your loss! Your child still watches over you and calls you Mom! I promise you that! God Bless You! 💗💗💗

              • I feel your pain. I lost my son last July! First Mother’s Day without him! He would have been 22 last week. Miss him so much!

              • God bless us all who lost a child I do believe when I die I will ask God why he took my precious son at such a young age and he will show me a video and I will get on my knees and kiss his feet and say thank you because there must’ve been something worse store for our children let’s put our faith and trusting God even how much it hurts today is our children God bless all you mothers and make peace be with you

              • And you are forever a mother. Our children change us for the better, we are never the same. I’m sorry for this awful experience of your first mother’s day without your child.

              • My heart breaks for you, I know the pain associated with the loss of a child. Today is not only mother’s day but it is also the anniversary of the birth of my daughter who was taken from me far to soon. I lost three children, 2 daughter’s and my only son many years ago. My heart still aches every day, the what if’ s haunt me. I pray you find some peace. Much love,

              • Jydith, hold to the memories. That is all we have. I miss all of the babies I have loss. I miss my mom and i miss being a mother. I take comfort that i will see all my babies in haven one day. I cry daily even at the age of 52. God bless you and leep you always.

              • You are a mother. You are among some of the strongest of us mothers. Carried them in your arms for a time all to short but every day carrying them in your heart ❤ it’s the hardest thing a MOTHER will ever do for her child. Honey You will never stop being a mother. That will never be taken from you. Ever.

              • You will always be a mother in God’s eye sweet heart. Always. The picture of the eye and tear is a photo I took of my eye when my niece passed away in 2004 She was my heart Took care of her every day after school . While my sister worked . We were inseparable from the time she was a baby and I was 12 to 23. Then my Sister moved . When she passed at 24 I was devastated. That is why I took that photo. I can’t amagine my Sister’s pain it was her daughter. All those years I treated her as my own. She called me Mis in Italian means mine. She called me that all on her own from a baby. I have no Idea where she got it from. Except from God him self. Prayers and love to all who have lost special people in there lives. God bless you all. ♡

              • HI Judith, I lost my first born and only son on January 23rd this year as well.
                I find it so very hard too. I look the Lord for my comfort, strength and peace to get thru each day. I hope you can as well. sending you a very sincere hug.

              • Oh yes you are still a mother. You became a mother at conception and will continue to be a mother through all of eternity. I am still the mother of two children. One is just waiting in Heaven for the rest of us.

              • Hi Judith-I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what you are feeling. I hope you don’t mind me saying that you will ALWAYS be a Mother. The transition of your child does not change that. My Mom passed away suddenly almost 8 years ago and the pain and the sense of emptiness is the same today as it was when it happened, however, she will always be my Mother. She is just not physically here. Peace and blessings and prayers to you.

            • I have been where you are. I will never know your personnel pain but I know the pain for losing a child. You will need much more time. Although the pain will never cease it will become bearable. I wish oh peace. <3 HUGS <3

            • I had 3 wonderful sons. I lost all 3 amd my beautiful mother too all in s five year period. I know how you feel .it never stops hurting. Mother’s day is very painful.

              • Ouch! God bless you and those three boys. I can’t even begin to fathom your pain. Stay strong Mom and know that you have three bodyguards watching over you. With deep respect, Glenn Woods, US Marines

            • My Heartbreaks And Sends Love To You!!
              Hurt Your Hurt As Long As You Need To Hurt and Do Not Ever Be Ashamed And Own It Proudly!!
              God Bless You on Mothers Day!

            • So sorry for your loss. I too, lost my only child a year and half ago so I know how painful it is…especially around this time, when I would usually receive a Mother’s Day card that she would make herself😞😭😭

            • Me in 2002. Second chance ruined by my own mother. Relationship ruined and now late stage Lyme. If there is a heaven. I rather be there with my baby and dad. World is getting crazier by the day and I wish I could relive my entire life. Kept my first home. And I would bit have Lyme. Bevmcause it is pure hell and I can’t wait to be in a better place with my baby in my arms everyday like they should had been andvim me again and I’m not in a crappy town in Canada that has kept me stuck because of of the property inheritance that my mother was not supposed to be in but enabled me 7. Years and abused me with. And ruined my relationship and my life is on the line. Many have matcsssisyic mothers. And they will take years of your life. To nake you. Misursble and yet. They do not even know what they do. 😔Happy Mother’s Day to those who have those kids alive and those who have normal. Mothers.

            • So sorry for your loss. I lost my middle son in Jan 28th 2011 and my 1st born son Feb 14th 2012. Sometimes it seems to much to bare. I dread the special days and holidays, I have this lump in my throat and struggle not to cry. It is so difficult at times. Again so sorry for your loss.

            • I didn’t lose my only child but my only son. 5 weeks ago. I can still hear his,”love you mom” like it was yesterday.
              I’m sorry for your loss.

              • My grandson was 5 months when he died of since I just can’t get it out of my head I think that was the worst day of my life and every day that day plays over and over in my mind

            • I lost my daughter and granddaughter two months ago, I know what you mean, it still seems like I only blinked and they were gone.

            • I feel the same pain you are having. I have lost 2 children and miss them daily.My daughter was my best friend, and my son was the baby of the family. I know they are my guardian angels, and they are with me always. God be with you.

            • I feel for you. My 16 yr old son died over 20 years ago. I miss the boy he was and the man he was to be.

              You will never be pain free, but you will be able to laugh again Do whatever it takes to move forward. You will never leave your beloved child behind. He will always be with you.

            • I can’t say I know how you feel because only someone who has lost a child can understand,the pain will always be with you.I can only hope that day by day things will be more bearable..take care of yourself and know that even strangers care.

            • I know how you feel, lost my baby last summer. I can still remember waking up after surgery. My stomach felt really empty after.

            • My heart aches for you Lana. We lost our son one year ago in March. Yes it does feel like five minutes ago… 💙

            • Lana, I am so sorry for your loss, it is never easy, but there comes a time that it does get a little easier. I feel your pain, I lost one 51 years ago and at times I still wonder what he would have looked like. But I also lost one to the streets, which in one way is so much harder, since you have NO idea of where he is, or if he is okay. Haven’t heard from him for better than a year. I also lost my firstborn Grandson due to complications right before the due-date…So yes you have my heart and my prayers for your safety. Please stay strong and you will find joy again with another little soul…….

            • I can relate, I lostmy son 4 years ago, and it still hurts. Mother’s Day is always hard, cause he was a good son and never forgot me on Mothersday

            • Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me….Psalm 23. God is always with us.
              There is great comfort in God’s word.

            • I’m so sorry, I can’t even fathom. So many losses to so many underserving people. Your strength is endless in my eyes, you found courage to move forward. I don’t know you, but I admire you. God bless

            • I lost a child 16 years ago. Mother’s Day is hard every year. But it gets better and easier and eventually you can smile and laugh on that day.

            • I too lost my only child. It will be 17 years this Sept. Sending strength and hugs. Every day is difficult but Mothers day is especially tough trying to put on a happy face for family and friends.

            • I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine having to endure the loss of my one and only. I hope you have a loving and supportive family. I hope the post is helpful. I have lifted your name to my God and my Savior to bless you, comfort you, and to fill you with hope and joy again.

            • Lana, I too lost my only child 4 years ago. My heart will never mend from it. I send you peace and the ability to find gratitude in every day you had with your child and every memory you hold. Hugs!

            • Sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter last May 20th. Yes, it is shockingly painful. I felt very close to all the other mother’s like me this past Mother’s Day. Bless us all.

        • For those that lost a child thru death. Please know that you are and will always be a Mother. For those of you that had your children taken away because of drugs, alcohol, child abuse, neglect, etc. Please step out of the way. Your “Poor Me” is what got you into the mess. And this same “Victim” status you love so much is why you do not reap any benefits of Mother’s day. Mother’s day is for “Mothers” So honor the Mother that took your children and tried to undo the damage you caused and raised them for you. We celebrate you on “April Fools”

        • My mother walked out on me 43 years ago. And she made no effort to contact me for 7 years. I grew up and was abused by my father every day. I have absolutely no love for my mother or father. I have struggled my entire life. I don’t even know how to love. My mother went on with her life and did ok for herself. But. Our relationship is forever gone. Because of her lack of ever being around when I really needed her. Now as I get older and she approaches 70. I have this empty feeling on Mother’s Day. I envy the ones who have a loving relationship with their mother. But I don’t. It’s too bad. She’s a nice lady. But. To me. I will always see her as the mother who abandoned me and left me to suffer at the hands of my angry and abusive father. I guess I’ll go to my grave still with no love for my mother.

        • It’s so sad and cruel ! I gave a son he’s 32 years old , he’s gay and he’s full of drama 🙁 evertythibg means something else , he analyzes every detail and twists it for no reason at all ?
          He can’t just be happy , kind and most of all content 😌 but he’s not he’s very cruel and one day when it’s much to late and maybe not even then he will get it !!!! Until then we’ll lots of tears and prayers

        • This is so true. This is my first Mother’s Day without being able to call or see my Momma and again could not spend it with my kids, grandkids, and great grandson. But what I know is I am worthy to be loved and what they don’t get is that without my love for each and everyone of them, “they (three generations) would not exist. May God send someone in their lives to help guide them to His love.

        • It took me many years and many mistakes and the right Christian counselor to make me realize your last words:I am worthy to be loved. I am love-able ❤⚘
          Thank you for the reminder Joann

        • You don’t have to lose a child do to a death to feel this way. A child who has disconnected from their Mom is very pain full also. You long for the words you want to hear . To say I love you Mom and am grateful for you or you mean a lot to me hurts also.

        • I had bell palsy at a very young age. It left the right side of my face different from the other side. I often wonder if that was the reason she treated me like she did all of my life until she passed away

        • Amen! He has a special plan & ????purpose that only you can fulfill because he made each of us unique like each snowflake & fingerprint formed by our Loving Heavenly Father! No one else can fulfill the purpose he created us for because no one else is just like us! We each are His unique design ~ the Masterful Creator of the entire Universe/World is the one who chose how we were to be & He doesn’t ever make Mistakes!

              • If that is true, then it’s up to you to discover the lesson God had for you through your suffering. Perhaps it was to save your child. Perhaps it was to save you. I don’t know your pain, but I know that God is loving and his mercy and grace are endless. Hugs to you.

              • Sorry you feel this way. God doesn’t take our babies from us. Unfortunately all of us a subject to time and unforeseen circumstances. God’s purpose is simple. To fill the earth with righteous people. Ps 37: 10, 11.
                Matt. 5:5, Rev 21:3-5, and John 5:28, 29. Please look forward to that time that you will see your young (and older ) ones again. How will that happen? Matt 6:9, 10. A government as promised at Daniel 2: 44. Prayer helps.

              • It is never God’s plan to separate a Mother and her child. Even without knowing your situation, I am certain that it was man’s actions that did this to you and your child.
                Blessings to you both.

                • Agree. The devil walks this earth. The laws need to be changed in this country! I have always viewed social media as a negative thing in our society. But every negative has a positive. We need to all speak up and tell your story. Keeping quiet gets you nowhere and keeps you down. Talk to anyone who will listen!!!!! I can hear what you say!

              • I pray for you to “forgive” God, to truly feel His healing and Peace. And Hope in the fulfillment of His plan.

            • Hi Vicki
              Please know this grieving single Mother grieves with you dear heart. I lost my only child Stephen in 99, age 35, when he tragically drowned trying to rescue his dog in frigid waters in Lake Ontario and sadly both of them drowned. I was happily married at 16, then sadly his father abandoned us both overnight when my son was just 15years old… and my life has been total hell and devastation of loss ever since. If only his father could have drowned instead, my son and I would be still happy living together today. Not a nice statement I know, for mothers day, however speaking my truth. Happy Mothers Day to All.

            • Please pay no attention to those that chose to preach to those of us who have lost a child. Total bullshit!!!

            • No but perhaps you can help someone else who grieves. Can you volunteer at a hospice or tend grave sites? Is there someone in a nursing home that is without family too?

            • Vicki- When my son died I found myself looking to the Heaven’s and yelling “give me back my son” I truly wanted to “find him” I knew he must be somewhere and somehow I should be able to find him. One day it hit me. My son was not my son, he was God’s. I was God’s. My son had his life given to him by God and it was short, but it was his and not mine. My life is mine. Somehow, this made sense to me. Do I still hurt? Everyday.. I still cry, and I still miss him. I know I will be with him one day.

          • This so wrong. There is no entity in the sky who sits up there pulling our strings and dictating our future. To people who are grieving a great loss, this sort of religious claptrap makes us feel like maybe we deserved this fate – which of course is garbage.

          • I have No good memories of my MOM. GOD has given me peace & I’m so blessed with the beautiful people that has stepped in and took her place!

      • You are the daughter that God wanted, and he created you just the way he wanted. He loves you no matter what. So you do have a father who thinks you are perfect and loves you just the way you are!!!!!!!! Please remember this!!!!!!!!!

      • Wow I’m another Amy with the VERY same comment. Father’s Day is torturous for me as well. When will I feel that good enough?

      • I understand- my mother told me she wished I was never born from the time I could remember. I went to see her when she was on her death bed. She refused to speak with me. I told her I loved her even though she didn’t love me. That I didn’t understand why she would hate me so much that she wished I never existed. I waited for a little while and said good bye. I cried till I couldn’t anymore.

        • Oh Carrie I’m so sorry! Pain & hatred can do terrible things to a person’s heart & mind. I’m sorry she wasn’t able to deal with her issues & accept & love you. You’re obviously a strong & loving person to go back & try so even if she wasn’t happy you were born I know there are plenty of others who have felt your loving influence & are grateful for you.

        • My mother told me the same thing.For every day of my 18 years living with my “parents” my mother called me a stupid bitch.She would beat me with the closest object.Leave me for days with my four younger siblings while she sat at the bar and went home with many “uncles”She blamed me for her miserable life.I left home at 18 and never looked back.I read in the paper 43 years later she died of cancer.I always hoped she would have apologized and would tell me she loved me..instead I heard she died screaming how she hated us and wished we had never been born.My father was never around..a father on paper only.When I see the flowery Hallmark ads I want to scream.I know people who complain about their parents and I want to slap them.I raised two sons..never doing any of the cruel things my parents did and yet one is estranged from us.He went to college and decided we were lower class.I still keep the channels open on our end ..his choice not to have a relationship.We have 3 grandchildren we don’t know.It hurts but sometimes you have to move on to stay sane.

        • I lost my son and daughter at birth and had several miscarriages. I do have other children and they see and know the pain that I feel but I believe my children are still here with me. For every penny that is on the ground it is said to be pennies from heaven that someone who misses you tossed down. Also, if you see a cardinal in your yard it means they’re there with you. I use my pain to help others. People experience loss of children all the time, it’a nice to be able to counsel them and get them involved in activities to help remember all our children. Helping others with their loss helps me with mine. Maybe it could help some of you as well. If you’ve lost your faith then the first thing you need to do is get it back and you’ll be amazed at how things change for you. No it won’t bring our babies back but it can teach us a better way of coping and dealing with the pain so it is not quite as bad as it was the first day. It will help the pain fade to where we can live with it. It will never be gone don’t get me wrong but it will lessen.

      • She still hates me 50 years later just for being born. I don’t mourn what I never had, it’s just a mystery to me. But I thank God for sending me my husband who is my saving grace and helped me to break a cycle. 30 years later I don’t just love my children, I am in love with my children. When you speak of her it’s like you are talking about a neighbor down the street. She lost the power to hurt me years ago.

      • Amy…well God must of wanted to bless your father with a daughter…I bet he made you pretty special…I hope you always remember that…Donna in NE

      • Amy, I am so sorry to hear that! I hope you know that you can find peace in a Heavenly Father who loves you so much!

      • The daughter of a narcissistic mother. It’s painful to know that some people miss out all together on conceiving a child where they’d be the best parents and then there’s parents like mine (or mother and gutless father) who breaks her child to pieces instead.

      • I feel your hurt in reverse, I have a daughter who blames us for all her issues and decided years ago she would accept an aunt as her go to mom. We’ve tried to talk it out many times, but her mind is made up that her brothers had our love and she wasn’t living the life she deserved. After we finally said the checkbook was closed our limited connection really severed and our grandchildren were told they weren’t loved by us either. So no holidays together and they only invite us for events that gifts are expected. It hurts, it won’t stop, however you need to go on with your life and not drown in the tears.

      • Hi Amy!
        My only son can not forgive me for mistakes that i did years ago. He lives 20 minutes from me, and do not visit me or call on Mother’s Day. So sad😥

      • I know this is just about loosing children, but i have lost both of my parents. Today a and father’s day are really hard on me.

    • You know, I understand the pain of losing a child because I lost two at 8months! Both of them. My worst pain is not having kids on that day!!!! If I had two children that loved me, if I lost one I would probably be to clingy to the other.lol
      I simply don’t understand why someone that lost a child would simply act as if they don’t have the other. Why would you choose to pretend you are not a mother!
      One child was 48 and the other 51! If you lost the 51year old, wouldn’t you decide that speaking to the 48 year old would be wise?? I mean, what if you new the 51 year old loved the 48 year old! Why in the world would you pretend to not have the other!! Wouldn’t you simply figure that wow! I just lost my 51 year old! Let’s make sure things are good with the 48 year old!! After all, I would think you would be grateful to still be a mom! Why pretend your not?? Who in their right mind just tells everyone,vim all alone on mother’s day!! That’s crazy, so is this mother fit??? I think not!!

      • No one knows what circumstances other people deal with. I have 4 grown children. One speaks to me. I’m a good person and was a good mom. Everyone has a story. Don’t judge . Don’t put every situation in the same catagory. Drugs rip apart families.

        • As do alcoholism and child abuse that I endured. I eventually became the mother I wish mine could have been. I made the choice to let a disadvantaged woman adopt mine. They are still in my life and it was the best choice I ever made.

        • So very true. I’m having a very hard time getting through this holiday. Not many people know my mom is a meth addict. Everyone has their own stories and heartaches.

        • I also am a good person who was so devoted to loving and raising my children. I have had troubles with each one as adults and feel so sad not understanding it

          • I can sympathize with you. Same story. I have been a wreck all week knowing my children want nothing to do with me. Was a stay-at-home mom who did everything and was there for everything for our 3. Their father went back to alcohol, divorced me, and I haven’t seen or heard from my kids in 5 years. Wasn’t invited or told about college graduations, prom, now my daughter is getting married and I’m not included. I want to know just what I did that they don’t answer my calls (I’m blocked) you know what, the pain and loneliness is unbearable. I’ll never see them again. Why was I put here on earth? what is my purpose? I lost all faith. I’m living in Hell on earth.

            • C. Morabith,
              I can so feel your pain! I’m so sorry you are going through this Horrific Torment! My only daughter who was my Best Friend has not spoken to me, Monday will make 4 years!
              I’m not allowed to see my oldest grandson and she has had 2 other boys since then and I’ve never met them! My heart aches for you as I’m feeling your pain! I did everything for my kids and this is what I get in return!

            • C. Morabith. I feel your pain..I have one daughter that I hardly ever see…there is no relationship..it sucks..youre still here for a reason…XO

        • I thought I was a good mom, good provider, I tried my best. I raised my kids in the church and read to them and took them places. One is gay and the other can’t socialize and hates everyone. I keep asking myself where I went wrong. I love them so much.

      • I agree
        Me and my brother were adopted and he was 51 and I was 48 when he died last year on may 28th a day after my birthday! And this is the first Mother’s Day for out adopted mom without him. She tells me all the time “I don’t know how me and your dad would have made it without you here for us”!
        So I’m making Mother’s Day this year as special as I can for her!

    • I too, know how it feels on Mother’s Day. I have one child. Sweetest little girl in the world, but my husband and I just don’t meet eye to eye anymore. Haven’t for a while. He doesn’t notice me anymore, doesn’t think I’m pretty, doesn’t pay attention to me at all although I’m hanging onto him because for some strange reason the love is still there so every year since we got together he has never even acknowledged this holiday and that it exists. Holidays are awful in my house anyways. It’s always fighting. He never celebrated holidays in his house cause his mom didn’t even have money to give him a Christmas growing up and in all those things he still tends to take it out on me. Every holiday we fight. I understand his situation and all, but that was in the past, the least he could do is make things right for his daughter, you would think. But it just doesn’t happen that way. I try to give her Christmas (tree,presents,etc) but even he wants to fight and ramble on on Christmas Day so I’ve just kind of stopped thinking about holidays and it’s very depressing to think my daughter will never know what a good holiday around family and friends is like because of my husband’s own selfishness.

      • I use to go through that with my exhusband and go through it with my husband only when my oldest son cons around! I hate him when he does that!

      • You and your daughter can celebrate together – you don’t need his permission. I’m so glad you have your little girl . Happy mothers day to you, you sound like a lovely mum xxxx

    • This used to be one of those crazy sweet days, celebrated by me as the mom five. Complete with handmade gifts from school and the cards picked out with help from their dad, my kids would bring me the most awesome stuff. And it meant the world because I had almost no relationship with my mom (a divorce when I was 10 sent her out of my life, and her continued drug use kept her out of my life until I was much older) A stepmom who saw me as a rival (she was only 10 years older than I was when she married my dad..at 20 pretty immature and now with 8 kids between the two of them) not warm fuzzy “MOM” memories.
      And then I had my brood, smart and funny and talented, 4 wonderful boys and then my amazing daughter. I had it all, and I loved Mother’s day despite the obvious lack of a mom in my life.
      And then, we lost my oldest son in a car accident at 19. I was 43 and never imagined I would live without any of my kids, and I almost didn’t. And all of the platitudes of “well at least you have other kids” and “don’t forget how much the others need you” was just lost in the roar of my heart screaming “I miss him so much”
      But I did make it, and Mother’s day is still bittersweet. My other 4 will make Mother’s day wonderful and fun, and I will be grateful because I am grateful to the core to have lived through a huge loss and come out the the other side. I have adult women in my life who took the place of my mom (who died of a meth over dose at 70 a couple of years ago) and at 57 I am mature enough now to have most of the basic “mom” skills under my belt. My daughter gave me the biggest compliment a few years ago when, in writing an entrance essay for college, she spoke of our loss and said “what I remember from that time is that my mom was strong and brave”. I have a lot to be grateful for, but the hole in my heart for my oldest son will never actually disappear.

    • Being a mother has been the greatest pleasure and pain of my life. My (ex) husband sued me for custody when our son was 4 years old – NOT because he wanted our son, NOT because he was a “better” parent, but specifically to hurt me. True, it hurt then, and still does at the memory – but it not only hurt me, it hurt our son. Our son is 34 years old now, and sees things the way they were (ex even told our son once that he wished I’d had an abortion – THAT was never an option!!) I’m not perfect – I made/make mistakes, but I can see through my dons eyes the love and gratitude and pride he has in me. I have the same feelings about him. My mother passed away 30 years ago. As an only child of divorced parents, I used to hate Mother’s Day! But then I look at my son, and realize how lucky and proud I am to be his mom! To all of you out there – with (God forbid) children who have passed, or children that don’t speak to you – you’re ALL still mothers! You all did the best you could under some pretty harsh circumstances. Isn’t that all anyone can ask? For adult children to not speak to their parents – it’s going to be a pretty miserable, lonely life. Buck it up! Become a real adult and call your Mom on Mother’s Day!!

    • I lost my 7 year old son he was hit by a car I feel bad every Mother’s Day I feel empty inside I ask god to help me an I lost my mom 10 years ago so it’s hard

    • Yes.
      We older people, who are now orphans, feel pain, especially when you walk into a store and a ‘greeter’ says “Happy Mother’s Day”.
      I wish they would stop that.
      However, I am polite and just say “Thank you!”

    • My grand daughter had a miscarriage.This time of the year she goes through depression.I still pray she will become Mom.Before I leave this earth

    • Thank you. I didn’t realize how difficult it was until she was no longer here. It was too late then. The damage was already done. All in all I LOVED her still after all she was still MY Mom💚😘🌸

    • lost my mom 5 years ago june 30 2012 i was her caregiver and i found her dead on the kitchen floor i always thought i would be with her in the end. towards the end she started saying when you die you die i would get so upset i would say you call me like you always do. her ankles had swelled up thurday i was not going to be there friday i told her to call me if they swelled up any more, she did not answer i wish i knew what she was planning as i was not there friday my other sibling was she saw her legs had swelled up more no one called me. i asked her why and my sibling told me the universe told her not to. that was friday and i always check in on here on my day off but not this friday and i was fighting myself not to go over there and i should have, cuz sat she died 30 min before i got there!

  1. John. I don’t write because I hurt. My mother is still alive and I am blessed with children with whom I will have lunch tomorrow. I write because I know many others that hurt; many in my church and many that don’t go to church. THANK YOU for your sensitivity and for these words – truth with so much love. THANK YOU for pulling yourself and your readers out of our comfort zones and make us painfully aware that while we celebrate others grieve; for making us sensitive.
    John. I write because I hurt… for those that can’t celebrate like me.
    1 Cor 12:26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it

    • Thank you for this. I don’t have children. I do have a stepdaughter whom I love- but she has a mother. An adoption fell through years ago and we said “we’re done”. I am now 61 years young and still get a heavy sadness on Mothers Day. I don’t go to church on Mother’s Day unless I am scheduled to play in the worship band. I find it is better if I don’t….first off, I “don’t belong” that day. It makes me sad and I have reached a place where I am not sad most of the time. Secondly, we need the space for all the families coming to church with their mothers. 😉 However I feel, it’s okay, as long as I don’t rain on someone else’s special day. Thanks again for your thoughtful article.

      • Being a mother is one of the biggest joys in life, however at this point in your life I am quite sure you have been a blessing to many people in your life who think of you in a motherly sense. That in itself is a blessing, not all women can bestow on others that being said you belong in church just as much if not more than anyone else let OUR HEAVENLY FATHER replace your sadness with joy AMEN!

        • Amen!!! Love this response..and we need to be grateful for the other blessings that have been bestowed upon us. The bible says that we are not to compare blessings just be
          grateful for what you have..

      • I feel that those who can’t have children in this lifetime will be blessed to have children in the next. Life is long and heavenly Father loves you so much he will heal that hurt and fulfill all your dreams.

        • I appreciate your encouragement as my wife and I will likely never have children in this life due to medical reasons. We lost one at 8 weeks shortly after getting married, but we trust that God will reunite us in heaven. However, there is no marriage in heaven, so I don’t think anyone will have children in the next life in the same way as in this one. Still, everyone on heaven will be closer than family, so perhaps we will be able to love many children there who were unloved here, and that will make up for the pain we feel now.

          • Ryan… I have full confidence that God not only can but will be able to bring back to life the child you and your wife lost as well as restore back to you both the ability to have more children in a future not far from us. The Bible speaks of a Paradise here on Earth that God promised to his faithful servants where pain and sorrow will no longer exist, our dead loved ones will be brought back to life and God will open his hand and satisfy the desire of those who fear Him . My hope is based on Scriptures such as these: Psalms 37:28, 29… Revelation 21:3, 4… Acts 25:15 and Psalms 145:16-19 among others. You can read more about it here: https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20150801/the-resurrection/
            May God’s Word and its promises give you and your wife the comfort you need in your moments of pain!

          • There are so many ways to have children in you life. Some of mine are birth, some adopted, some foster, some just call me mom, some are friends children. If you truly want children, consider the options. I love them all. Only the birth children came to me as babies. There are so many children who need loving homes.

      • Lauren,…….Hugs to You! But,….if you still want a child to nurture and love, it is not too late! There are many children needing a family. Look into your state’s foster care and adoption programs.

      • Mrs Lauren, just because you only have a step daughter doesn’t mean your not a mother in your own right. I’m sure you have touched young people’s lives in someway. So have a happy mothers day and a blessed one.

      • I avoid church on Mother’s Day too. I’ve always wanted a family of my own – a husband and a few kids. But I never had the opportunity for any of them. When I was younger I thought if I wasn’t married by a certain age, I would adopt. I taught special needs students and before I knew it 30 years had passed, I was still single and I’d missed my opportunity. Although I loved working with other people’s children, I’m still somewhat bitter that I’m alone with no one of my own to love and to love me. I have older siblings, still have both parents and a few friends but that isn’t the same. I’m happy for those who have been blessed with children but I won’t put myself through a church service that in recognizing mothers makes me feel left out and sad. Instead I visit my mom in the nursing home and enjoy the time I have with her.

    • Thank-you this was very touch I hurt every Mothers Day I lost my baby Sister on Mothers Day May 12, 1985 Her husband beat and shot Her in my apartment this time of the year is never good for me

      • Dear Ella,
        I am so sorry to read that your sister was taken from you, and that Mother’s Day is a painful reminder. Hugs to you, that is all I can say. <3

      • I know this pain all too well. In 1971, when I was 17, I lost my father on Mother’s day. In 2015, I also lost my son Ismael on Mother’s day. I hurt, cry and stay in a dark place. If not for my remaining 2 boys, I don’t know where I would be now. Their love and that of my grandkids has helped me.

      • I am so so sorry !I cant say I lost in the same way as you lost ,but I have a son who was very ,very close to my daughter and I .He took up with his wifes best friend and left his children behind at my home for 4 yrs .When he told me they were preg ,he assumed I would be happy .I did not have chance to be !His new wife never allowed me to hold her baby and has him turned away from me .I hurt .But at least he is still alive !God be with you and show you peace !!!

      • Ella, I pray GOD gives you comfort every Mother’s Day & just know much your sister loved you. She wouldn’t want you to grieve her, but rejoice in her memory. Smile every time you think of her, think good thoughts and tell her how much you love her. It’s OK to cry. That’s GOD’s way of cleansing the soul. My whole family has passed away & I am left alone. I think of them every holiday, birthday, the day they passed away & in many other ways. I’m sad some of those days, but I remember the strength they taught me & the awesome love we had for each other. We were a small close-knit family and celebrated every event together. GOD BLESS YOU!!

    • Thanks I really needed to see this my mother passed a few yes back and wish I could spend one more day with her

    • Thank you for such a loving message. I am a mother who hurts raised a son doing all that I could. Now what I have is a son I pray for. Today I had to finally say enough tough love. Do not call me anymore. A mother does not nor should she take any verbal abuse even on the phone. Pray is what as done before continue. I am the mother who stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. It is my prayer and hope the church will acknowledge the hurting and grieving mother’s and on Father’s Day do the same.

    • That is so sweet! I lost my 3 year old, my only child. But I don’t only hurt for myself, I hurt for my friends that have lost, my heart absolutely breaks for them! It’s just hard! Christ’s blessings to you for being so compassionate!

    • Very beautifully stated. How sweet it is of you to thank the writer for this article and to you, Xana, for being sympathetic. You yourself are a very beautiful woman and soul to not only THINK about those of us who want (or need) our Mommy’s, but to actually take the time out of your schedule to read, and write your compassion for us “without”. I use the word “Mommy” because, from what I’ve lived, and learned, from my own ‘situation’, just about ANYONE can give birth and be a Mother, but it takes a REAL WOMAN TO BE A MOMMY!!! Again, I am writing this because of what I have lived through with (okay, technically WITHOUT) my own biological Mother. To those of you who have relations with your “Mommy”, CHERISH IT, and CONTINUE to work on those relations as you have been blessed in many, many ways that a LOT of us, sadly, will not ever experience. Not only will I not ever experience not having a “Mommy”, I will never be a Mommy. (Also, The Good Lord needed my late Daddy almost 40 years ago, so he has only been around me in spirit). Despite the cards I have been dealt, I AM BLESSED!!!

  2. Brother John,

    You are an inspiration to many. This post was a godsend and we at Blessed Magazine appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern for those who will be embracing this holiday with pain and sorrow. Continue to be led of God’s spirit in all that you do….again….bravo!!!

  3. John, I had to read this when I was alone because I knew the tears would flow. Your words always touch my heart so deeply. I wish I could be honest in my pain, but the source of my pain angers people around me, so I am quiet. Thank you for acknowledging this pain that many feel.

    • “This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship” Was the take away line I have made my personal motto. Tears can be healing. Choose your audience well..there will be some you can be completely honest with. Blessings.

    • Tanarhea,
      I’m so sorry you feel unable to express your grief to those around you. I can’t imagine why someone would be angry toward you for any reason, but my heart goes out to you. <3

      Babs

      • The reason there is anger there Babs, is because he sees how much this person is hurting me and he wishes it would stop. And so, I try to keep it from him, to not make matters worse. Thank you for caring.

      • I am not the woman you were speaking to but I lost my grown son a few months ago. He left behind the mother of twin infants. This young woman feels that he was her’s and because they were planning a future together her pain is deeper. I don’t have any argument as to how affected her life and future are without him but she seems to believe I am incapable of understanding her pain and why it’s worse in so many ways. The thing that hurts me 100x worse is that a huge part of my Greif is actually knowing the hundreds of moments thru every day and mite she misses his touch, smile, hugs, support, help with his TWO BABIES!!! Everytime I miss him I truly think of her and how she must feel! She seems to resent my sadness. It’s like an arrow to my heart to lose her as I’m coping with losing him…I am at a loss!!!!

  4. Mother’s Day (and Fathers Day) are really hard on me. My mother never cared to acknowledge the fact that besides her successful sons over me… a mentally ill daughter. My dad wanted to keep me but my mother nixed this. She gave me up for adoption, but I never was adopted… just your average foster kid. Instead I got two alcoholics for “parents”. No love there either. Just pain.

    • I feel your pain. I grew up with an abusive mother and father. My sister and my brothers always have a hard time for both Mother’s and Father’s day.

    • Oh, that breaks my heart. I wish you had been my little girl. My boys love me, but they are so busy with their families and jobs that they have so little time for me. Forgive your mother, she must have had pain that misguided her. It will be made up to you. You are so beautiful, have a happy heart.

  5. thank you for writing this.. I have felt this way for years and just pretended it was all fine.. Smiling and saying thank you when people wished me happy Mother’s Day.. I appreciated their thoughtfulness even though it stung a bit to hear those words.. And the past few years I have just avoided gatherings in this day altogether.. Thank you for sharing.. I’m sure there are
    Many that will appreciate this like I did.. Thank you

  6. Many morn the sadness of lossess of these so called holidays that should bring joy and make memories. As a child a card made by me and a burnt toast would start this day. As a child I would paint a picture and every part of my body and she would celebrate with a smile. Tomorrow brings a remembrance that she is gone and now I am the mom. My heart is heavy as I think about what she did for me and how I could never compare myself to her, all she did everyday. Tomorrow I will awaken to pitter patter on the floor and look into my daughters eyes and smile, make the memories that once I made for her.

  7. Here I am 53 years old, my kids are finally old enough that I told them that Mothers Day is a day to sit in the back yard, sun tan and chill over some cocktails with my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend says oh our other friend has invited us for dinner, she is putting on turkey and jigs dinner and the whole spread and I was like What!! Her kid is grown up why on earth is she doing that (her kid never starved but we aren’t talking Suzie Homemaker here) Then I realized oh yeah, she has a mom. Its been so long since I buried mine that I had kind of forgot that Mother’s day isn’t just about the mom’s of my generation.Of course I would do anything just to have my Mom back for a day but its pretty cool to be the star of the day too. I must say your article is very insightful into the feelings invoked by this day considering you are a man, but I guess Father’s day brings up the same feelings. Oh and by the way, dinner for us was an amazingly yummy stir fry cooked by my 15 year old daughter.

  8. Thank you for such true words I cried reading the whole thing .
    My son died jan 21 2012 at the age of 26 he battled cancer for 7 yrs and I was so proud of him for never acting or living like he had cancer and always said I’ve lived my life mom look at these babies fighting cancer it’s not fare.
    I cry every day I want my son back !!!

  9. I grieve for the loss of myom. For the loss of eldest who never respected me. For my youngest what busy to care or understand my pain. For all the lonely mothers day my ex husband didn’t give me anything but a card. Maybe. I grieve. I’m dying. I hope when gone they realize how little they cared, how much they hurt me it’ll be too title too late. I did so much for them. To protect them to teach them , to give them love and respect. Guess they felt I didn’t deserve it. . But I’m gonna haunt a few people. Myex, his whores, and remind my kids I’m still watching over them.

    • Your not a lone been waiting for a call all day knowing all the time am not going to get it but this made me feel better

      • Don’t feel bad. My phone has never rung. I have to do the dialing. Then I feel like I am interrupting life, the universe, and everything.

  10. I sometimes hurt on Mother’s Day. This is just a quick message to let John Pavlovitz and his blog followers know that I have established a new Christian blog at the following URL:

    https://faith17983.wordpress.com/

    This new blog is devoted to severe criticism of Christian fundamentalism, conservative evangelicalism, and the so-called Religious Right in the United States.

    Recent statistics indicate that a full 88 percent of the children raised in Christian fundamentalist churches leave the faith tradition of their youth and never come back to those churches or churches like them again for the rest of their lives. My new blog is aimed at flushing the remaining 12 percent out of their pews and thereby depopulating both their churches and the Religious Right. The spiritual abuse cannot continue if there are no people left in the pews to abuse. I am also encouraging these people who escape to continue their faith and worship of Jesus Christ in churches that are both nonfundie and nonabusive.

    If you would like to be a regular follower of the blog, then click on the “Follow Button” when you get there. If you are wondering why there is no button for commenting, just click on the “Blog Policy” button. I do not tolerate fundie bullshit in comments.

  11. Thank you. Thank you for speaking the truth and speaking with compassion to those many out here who ARE in fact hurting today… and for whom there is no (socially) acceptable space to grieve.

  12. Pingback: When Mother's Day is dreaded.

  13. That is so thoughtful of you. Many and that includes me have forgotten that on this day not everyone is celebrating. Many mothers out there are alone, abandoned or forgotten.

  14. Thank you for this. I somehow needed to hear that I was allowed to cry and not feel ashamed that I am still struggling with the estrangement of my mother, or my own barrenness. <3

  15. This is one of the most moving essays I have ever read, or heard, about Mother’s Day. For some inexplicable (to me, at least) reason, it eased some of the sadness that this day brings. I would have never suspected that the words of a stranger could have such an impact on me. Please know that it is appreciated.

  16. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | St Louis Photographer Peggy Franz

  17. Not everyone feels loved or appreciated on Mothers Day, to them I say, you are loved by many others, if not your own child. Remember, it could be their own problem, not how they were mothered, I know no mother who does not love their children. Make others your family, be with the ones who care, the ungrateful child will have their regrets to live with for the rest of their lives. Times are different. I would never have hurt my mother, no matter what, honoring your parents is a commandment, even if that parent isn’t perfect.

  18. Thank you. Although my children call and send a card they are all scattered. I intensely dislike Mother’s Day, especially when the in-law gets a present or gets to out to dinner. Thank you for giving permission to feel angry. Jesus knows why I have those feelings and understands.

    • Me, too, Gina. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I often wish I could be like other people, but I really don’t know how, I’m just plain old barefoot me.

  19. Thank you for recognizing and honoring “the goodness within” me searching for the ever-elusive soft place to land and call my home.

    • I understand your pain. I have been through this also. Hold on to the truth of who you are, no matter who lies about you or who believes the lies. Celebrate yourself. You know how you tried, you know how you loved. A warm virtual hug. : )

    • Any time it crosses my mind that I shouldn’t have given up without a fight 35 years ago is that I would be dead, probably by my own hand. I know I should forgive, but I cannot.

  20. This is such a beautiful post and I thank you for writing it. For all the moms who struggle with postpartum mood disorders, especially- not to discount any other moms and their pain, but as a PPD survivor, I know firsthand that motherhood isn’t always the rosy picture portrayed by the media. Thank you for allowing us to feel what we feel.

  21. Pingback: … when your heart is broken on Mothers Day … | 5ringlife

  22. Thank You. Even though I am a Minister, I give myself permission to not attend Church on Mother’s Day. It is still to painful. When I left my abuser, I had to step away from almost everything, including my University Teaching Position as well as custody of my last three children, just to live! Pastors and Church Leaders did not help. My abuser strategically used my first three children to gain custody of my last three…

    • Dear Minister, so close to my own sorrow. It is painted as I flippantly walked out, and he was such an upstanding role model. The role model boasted to me at the time that he could have had me killed for $500, which I didn’t believe. Decades later, his mother told me that his father had heard him arranging it over the phone, and begged him to not do it. Gee, he should have made me an offer, as I nearly did it for free, a couple of times, that no one still knows about. Sometimes, when I’m so low, I kind of wish he knew how much I still suffer, because at least, someone would be happy.

  23. I feel like my grief and anger can finally come to surface…I have felt such guilt for feelings of hate and such, for a relationship that never was or never would be like those of friends and their mothers. You are taught that this is one of the most sacred of all relationships…but for some of us, it just isnt meant to be.

      • Wanda, at the age of 36 I lost the ability to have children, too. Mine was uterine cancer that was detected while going through infertility testing. I’m grateful to have been diagnosed so early, but I still grieve.

        • Wanda and Betty, let me offer you ladies a few ‘sour grapes’ to console you. I am the mother of five successful and happy men. My mother in law told me when they were young, not to grieve for not having a daughter, that I would have five in the future. Really? They are polite acquaintances on those rare a occasions when we meet. I am so embarrassed. Just ward off feelings of sadness by telling yourself that your fantasy children would forget to call you, and their spouses would roll their eyes at your idiosyncrasies, lol. They would also use weird theme type guidelines for naming your phantom grandchildren. My advice is to get over it and go to the shelter and adopt at least three cats.

    • I literally just text my best friend about how angry I was bc I couldn’t brag on how amazing my mother was when she was alive. No, I do not wish she was dead, but I don’t feel heartache. You are not alone.

    • I’m right there with you Angela. People constantly judge me for not loving my mother. I wish I could feel like they do, but that isn’t how it is for me.

    • Yes, for some of us it is painful. You are suppose to be close to your Mom. Men get accused of cheating and not caring or doing enough. My mother just wasn’t meant to be a mom. Working in healthcare I see kids who have neither. I am blessed with the best father on Earth. Now as an adult, there is still a child in me that wants to know where his mom is. It’s hard but manageable.

    • We all want to be unique, but at the same time, we want to be like we imagine everyone else to be, happy and loved. Yes, it was never meant to be, for me, also. sigh . . .

  24. This. This gave me light today. This week is an emotional one for me. In a few days it will be 1 year since a very horrific miscarriage for me. He or she would have been my first born with my husband of 7 years. It’s been quite a journey together and every day gets easier, but today I feel the sting of not having a young one of my own. As I celebrate with my own mother, my mother in law (who feels very much like blood to me), and I call my grandma and great to wish them a happy day, it is with a heavy heart. Thank you. Thank you for putting those of us who don’t get celebrated up on a pedestal for a few moments.

    • I’m sorry for the lose you felt I to had a miscarriage and my little one would have been going on three this year… The pain is always there and today is a reminder of pain and heart break.. These kind words are nice to read when you try to be positive and move forward.. I send these words as flowers to a fellow heart that is mending ❤️

    • I understand some of your sadness. I have a grandchild whom I never got to meet or hold. Beyond that thin veil, someday, I will be able to meet him. Bless you as you continue to heal.

    • You are a mother. You have suffered the horrible tragic loss of your child. Whether you were able to give a name your baby or not. It is still your baby – flesh and blood of you and your husband.
      May God bless you and wipe away your tears of sorrow & grief. May He bless you with another beautiful child that you will be able to hold in your arms, love and nurture and help to mature into a beautiful adult.
      Christ’s peace be with you!
      Julie

    • You beautiful mothers of unborn children, your babies are still with you, whatever the reason they decided not to come here, not just yet. It may help to read about reincarnation to see if it could explain where your beloved children are.

  25. Thank you John for the beautiful and thoughtful post. A mother’s love is one of the great miracles of life. Nothing else comes close. For those who have ‘lost’ their mother, I would like to share a few thoughts:

    When my mother died at 58, I was devastated. She had been an ocean of unconditional acceptance and kindness to me and everyone that she encountered, until cancer took her suddenly from us. She would smile to us, in her final days to comfort us and hide from us how unwell she felt. Her final words being ‘I’m okay, I’m okay’

    Her passing really shook me and I had a really low year which affected my whole life.
    One day, a few years after her passing, I worked out something. I was lucky to feel this pain.
    I realised that I could not possibly feel the sense of loss, unless I had experienced the profound love. ‘Some people never get to feel this level of love, such that they could miss it’ I would tell myself.
    For sure I would love to still have her here. It still makes me cry when I allow myself, but love and loss are almost inseparable. That which arises, passes away. So we must look at the blessings that we have received and keep our thoughts on that love which is ours.

    As a source of solace, I also choose to believe that I can still feel that love and strive to assimilate her great qualities, such as gentleness and loving kindness into my own being and life. Thus I can honour and reflect the beautiful mother I had been gifted. I hope this helps.
    Bless you all.
    Paddy

  26. Wow! Wonderful words. Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you. Perfectly said.
    “This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship” may become my new life motto. 🙂 Blessings.

  27. Judy Beckler you are greatly missed but not forgotten. We all love and miss everything about you.Derek misses your 5 layer cookie bars and cherry delight.I miss going to bingo with the luckiest lady (Judy Beckler).I know Keith misses your talks on the phone.We are all going to share memories of you for a lifetime.

  28. Mr. Pavovlovitz,
    Thank you so much for writing this article. As both a mother of a seven year old son, and daughter who saw her mother wither away from cancer, this day is particularly difficult for me. I truly appreciate your writing and thank you for publishing this.

  29. I stood beside my mother today, Mother’s Day, as we buried the youngest of her six children. Yes, pain and tears.

  30. Thank you, for the sensitivity all the women who have experienced loss, and like myself, who so very much want to be a mother, but are dealing with not being able.

  31. Pingback: Pavlovitz on the other side of Mother’s Day. | Demosthenes' Attic

  32. Thank you so much for your kind words and a little validation that what happened was real and as a result we are mothers even tho we have no children to show for it. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

  33. Thank you for your kind words. Not everyone has had the model childhood with a loving, supportive mom, and some remember theirs with anger, sorrow or regret. Thank you for reminding me that what I feel is valid, and it’s ok to feel this way.

  34. Thank you, though it only scratches the surface; it’s definitely a start to what I hope to be a hopeful and brighter future. Thank you.

  35. This was a great post. To read some kind words felt good as I mourn. I only wish that my so called friends that know me could see the pain and be there for me. I never knew my mom and don’t have any family so days like these are the hardest. Esp holidays. I wish everyone a happy mothers day in the world and I want you to really appreciate having a mother and think of those who lonely right now and cherish the moments for us. Thanks.

  36. A difficult day for sure, having had 2 miscarriages and 2 grown stepchildren, 1 of which who hardly regards me at all…thank you for the recognition. It truly means a lot.

  37. it’s been 2years when my mom went home to our lord,it never gets easy but i know she’s good place.I miss you and I love you. see you soon.

  38. I walked out of church today crying. My pain is so deep. Somehoe God allowed me to find your post. Thank you so much for that.

  39. Thanks for this post. For those whose mothers are no longer physically with us, I say take heart and take consolation in the love she gave you, be consoled by the foundation for greatness she laid in you, take pride in the things she believed in, take solace in the fact that death is not the end to those dreams, desires and memories you shared with her, rather it is a reminder that you too have to be the best parent you can be to your child or children.

  40. Thank you. I am writing this in tears.

    My mom got carbon monoxide poisoning and is in a semi coma. She can’t talk. She can’t speak. She mostly can’t communicate. I still have her, but then in a sense I don’t. Every year, this day triggers me in so many different ways. The fury of the incident, and the frustration that I couldn’t stop it, I can’t fix it and I can’t have her back.

    Walk into a store and there are flowers to gift, cards and… kids enjoying their mother’s company. I listen to music and one line breaks me over its lyrical knee. And Facebook is flooded with people’s paeans to their moms. And I can’t bring myself to do the same.

  41. Thank you for this!! I wish I read it along time ago!! My Mother passed on Dec 31 1999 at 1047pm and I’m going into 15 years without her but it feels as if it just happened for so many reasons I would love to explain but afraid to.(in a small way) I never got to properly grieve for my mother unfortunately which I feel is even more damageable. Just want to say Thank you again for writing such a wonderful piece and I’m happy I feel upon it. I wont bore you anymore with my sobbing stories.
    Thank you Again….

    • Please, Mary…. you can grieve properly. Begin today. It is never too late. You are not boring. Your story has great meaning for you and for others… You are important… and so are your feelings.

  42. Reblogged this on What's Rattling My Cage and commented:
    I love this post John! I am of those who has those tears. They say that it gets easier, I wish that were so true! I am reading your post on Mother’s Day May 10th and today makes exactly to the 17 years since my mother passed on May 10th, 1998 which just so happened to be Mother’s Day!!! I know she watches over me and my sisters who have become wonderful mothers and now grandmothers!!! We are still blessed with our memories!!

  43. Thank you! I needed this today! My mother passed away in July 2014! It has been a difficult day though I’m thankful she is no longer suffering !

  44. Thank you for this. I have never had a good relationship with my mother. It’s more difficult now that she has passed away. That was two years ago. People really don’t have a clue how much pain she caused me my entire life. I have accepted that it was her choice. She obviously had issues, but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Of course she had her good points too, but it was primarily a negative relationship. I appreciate your acknowledging that that sometimes happens. I know I’m not alone in this.
    All the Best.

  45. Today marks a six week path of tears and feel truely blessed to have read this on mother’s day. In a week it will be the 10 th anniversary of my husband death,and in three weeks my would of been my 20th anniversary of marriage then its father’s day.so i thank you John for the message of wisdom that i will remember and carry with me for the next 6 weeks.

    • Hi Vikki, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug- I’ve been infertile for 22 years, and I can say it definitely gets easier (or you learn to manage, or something.) Give yourself permission to grieve, and remember that you are amazing just the way you are.

  46. Thanks for the wonderful words. My daughter was tragically taken from me almost 5 years ago. Our last holiday together was Mother’s Day, so it is a very difficult holiday for me to take.

  47. Thank for this. I do feel like I have to pretend to be happy and hide my pain. These are the days when I seclude myself from others because I often want to say f-off to people who want to wish me a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. My parents are both gone and that’s a hole that can’t be filled. I didn’t get as long with them as others. Death came too soon and with it brought me anger and heartache for what will never be. I usually stay off social media on these days, but I’m glad I saw this posted on Facebook. Once again thank you for acknowledging those of us who have lost.

  48. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | Slices Of Lyme Pie

  49. Thank you for these beautiful words…. they were exactly what I needed…. what I’m sure all of us here as a unit needed

  50. Thank you for this. So much more helpful than some posts I’ve read this week. I almost sobbed out loud reading this. Thank you for giving me the permission I couldn’t give myself.

  51. Thank you. I really needed this. This comes two days before my court date to try and get my boys back from my ex husband who kept them after their visit with him. I am having to prove myself to the court all over again after he was In the wrong, going against our divorce papers.

  52. My losses are three, my only son, Ray 5-17-11, died in an accident in Hawaii.
    On 7-11-11 my husband died after a two month stay in the hospital.
    On March 6-14 my only daughter, Cyndee died after a year long battle with Cancer.
    I am a sad lady today and every day.
    Thanks for your prayers.

  53. Thanks, this is a hard day for those who didn’t have a loving relationship with their Mom. It gives me hope to know that there are those who understand.

  54. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | Screaming at Trains

  55. Thank you for the kind words. May 10 is a difficult day for me. I was born on May 10, but a lot of bad things have also happened on that date. I suffered a miscarriage on May 10, my divorce was finalized on May 10, and I lost my mother on a May 10 Mother’s Day. Yes, Mother’s Day can be a very painful day. I have struggled with it the past 6 years since my mom’s passing.

  56. Thank you for this. At 35, I always thought I’d be the mom of a loud rambunctious brood by now- the thing I’ve always wanted the most. However, life hasn’t brought me to that path yet, and each passing year is a reminder that I’m still a family of one. I love my friends’ kids to bits and very much enjoy seeing their FB posts on this day, but it doesn’t go far to assuage the gaping hole in my heart.

  57. Thank you for this. At 35, I always thought I’d be the mom of a loud rambunctious brood by now- the thing I’ve always wanted the most. However, life hasn’t brought me to that path yet, and each passing year is a reminder that I’m still a family of one. I love my friends’ kids to bits and very much enjoy seeing their FB posts on this day, but it doesn’t go far to assuage the gaping hole in my heart.

    • I understand. I am almost 42 and single. Spouse and kids just didn’t happen for me. I feel so selfish for feeling this way when I think of my friends who have lost their mothers. I have my mom, a great mom but I feel left out. Just being honest.

  58. Reblogged this on Retirement……LOVE IT! and commented:
    This blog by John Pavlovitz said so eloquently what many people feel/experience on Mother’s Day, so I felt I needed to share it. We should ALL remember to be extra sensitive to those women around us that may be having a difficult time dealing with this day yearly.

  59. Thank you for your words…so many need them. Today I grieve not only the eleven year-old loss of my dear mom, but the loss of my beloved 15 year-old granddaughter last Sept. 5th and my husband of 48 years on March 3rd. I feel not only my own pain but that of my children as they grieve the loss of their dad, but in the case of our oldest, the loss of her child as well, something we should never have to experience nor endure. Bless you for recognizing our need to grieve in our own way, in our own time and the reminder of why our hearts hurt so in the first place.

  60. My mom is still alive. Every Mother’s Day I grieve that she was not the mother I needed; she kept living with my abuser who was abusing me since I was three. I have forgiven both of them but this day with all its supposed merriment, I choose to grieve. Thank you.

    • I’m so sorry. It isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. May you have a wonderful day without the trauma of our childhood and may your have a terrific life in spite of your terrible upbringing! If it is to be, it’s up to me!

    • is your father still alive? if he still beats you, you can have him arrested for domestic violience. I was once arrested for domestic violience for biteing my wife, it was a small bite but she took it to far, but she dropped the charges after i was out on the street to live in my car for two weeks it was horrible, i didnt have anywhere to go, i stayed at my cousins house two nights but it was too far to drive from work to her house.

    • Although I been avoiding the pain all day Cindy’s words made me acknowledge and feel the emotions of the traumatic death of my alcohol ic single mother ! She died 5/4/13 of pancreatic cancer!! I hold a lot of guilt because at 51 then I realized i hadn’t really seen or talked to her in years! I also acknowledge I spent most of my time escaping from her since I ran away at 13! Please don’t let that happen to u!!! Love and miss u mom sorry I’ve been neglecting u again! Happy Mothers Day!!????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    • You, Gypsy Moma, are not alone…. Just know that your path and mine, run parallel…. but knowing that does not make today any easier. I will close my eyes, send you strength and know that we are kindred spirits in some Karmic way. Love, light, and laughter in your heart…

      • Thank you so much. I am now living 2 hours away from both of them, I speak to them regularly and I am grateful I can live away from them. I was diagnosed with a mental illness literally suffered from for 40 years; which was great to find out. Today I am happy, stable, and enjoy my life I hope for you the same. I am taking control of my life and it truly does feel great. Thanks again and KNOW you are not alone as well.

  61. For me, and others like me. I have held back tears all day today, until I read this. While reading this the tears poured down my face… I know that what I’m going through and the pain I feel every minute of every day is self-inflicted. I know that the fact that my babies are no longer my own is my fault. I know that the damage that was done to my babies was done by me.
    I know that I will more than likely never again look in their gorgeous blue eyes and hear them say “I love you Mommy”. They don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m a distant memory. And for my youngest, I’m not even that.
    I know that I did all of this. It doesn’t make the pain and the longing any less real. It doesn’t change the fact that every birthday,Christmas, and mothers day I am an emotional wreck.
    I can’t change the past. I can’t undo what was done. Only in my dreams can you back, tell myself to grow the fuck up, and be the mother those babies need you to be! Only in my dreams can I do what was asked of me, can I make the right and mature decision.
    But waking is inevitable. And the stabbing, tearing, searing, unbearable pain is all too real and present. For all you mothers out there like me, who are now rendered nothing more than an egg donor, whether it was done to you, of you did it to yourself, you are not alone in your pain. Happy Mothers Day to you.

    • That was so beautiful and i feel your pain i didnt walk out they were tooken from me and they are so far away i never seen them i miss them everytime i wake up and close my eyes!!! Thank you for making me feel that im not alone, i would like ti talk more with you if possible

    • Sarah, I know your pain all too well. But don’t ever give up hope. My boss and I talk now. My oldest is living with me again. I am about to adopt him back. They are your babies. They always will be. No piece of paper can change that. I’m here if you want to talk. Happy mother’s day to you. Tears and all. vikkifreeman1977@gmail.com

    • Sarah,
      I do not know you, but wow, your words moved me. I feel your pain.
      I a different way, I feel terrible pain for my two kids,whose mom is in an assisted living facility with early onset alzheimers and dementia. In all likelihood, this is the last mothers day they will have their mom. There is nothing we can do. But perhaps you still have a chance to recover what is lost. Prayers with you.

    • My heart aches for you. I feel the love you have for our children, and know your loss and pain are huge. I often pray for the first mothers of my children, whose loss and heartache I cannot even fathom. I cry for them and think of them frequently, especially around the holidays, or when my children do something especially cute or sweet. We keep in touch with two of them, and a third mom we cannot contact for safety reasons, as she is still making unsafe choices. But I still love her, and cry for her loss, and know she loves her child. My child does not remember her, she was too young. But she DOES love her. She knows her first mother wasn’t ready to be a mom, and that’s why she came to our family. But she talks of her first mother, and mentions she loves her. That bond, even if the memory is not there, is forever. I guarantee they thought of you today.

    • Sorry for you. I loved my kids with all I had. I didn’t give them a wonderful life. But I done the best I knew how to do. I was a single parent and wasn’t able to give them a lot but I gave them love. My son is precious and I know he loves me. My daughter is so hateful and mean, she won’t hug me or have really anything to do with me, but chooses to put everyone else in front of me. We don’t really talk or anything. I have been so very hurt by her and in return have said some things I should not have said. I know she loves me but it is just because I am mom. But she has even told people that she don’t like me. I will always love her but it is time for me to move on without her love. I will be praying for you.

    • The best gift you gave was life! Pour your energy into others who will love you back, don’t waste energy into anyone who will not receive your love. You’re in my prayers.

    • It’s never too late to get a start on repairing your relationships. You wrote a beautiful note here. Tell them what you said here….even if you have to do it a million times.

    • It’s not to late…..it’s never to late!!!! All this time my mother has been absent and inflicted nothing but pain on me and my siblings…..we are all still waiting for her to humble herself, turn her life around and come back to us…..pray about this and humble yourself…..tell your kids what you HAVE Wrote here….Chances are They are just Waiting To Hear you Speak Those words and know you Mean every word! I would die to hear my mother say what you have said here today!! I think that is a big step owning your past mistakes…..please don’t let them define you!!! With god Anything and Everything is possible no matter what you have done…..God has a great purpose for you….quit living in fear and take the leap!! Praying for you! Thanks for your post as hard as it was……Happy Mothers day!!! <3

  62. It was a really hard day for me. I cried all day! My heart hurts. I thought I had cried all my tears away. Where are they coming from? I miss my Antoinette so much. My sons called me today and wished me happy mothers day. But I will never get another happy mother’s day or any other call from my baby girl. So much pain. Bitter sweet day!!

  63. Years ago when my only child, migui who is 10 now got sick and most of his senses were affected. Yes, I am a mom but I could no longer hear him say happy mother’s day or celebrate this day like we used to. Thanks for this because I know that I’m not alone.

  64. I see my daughter in nature, the closer I get to nature, the closer I feel to her. It is the first Mothers day without her. However, reading this helps, no need to pretend to be strong. It is OK to hurt as great love and great hurt walk hand in hand. There is nothing quite like a Mother’s love…

  65. Thanks so much for these words. I miscarried at three months, a loss that many do not consider a loss. That was thirty-one years ago yet I still carry that baby in my heart. I was never able to conceive again. Mother’s Day is very painful. I feel like I should be part of the “club” but I’m not. I can’t call myself “mother” because I never had a living baby. Your words today helped more than I can express.

    • Yes you are a mother, never doubt that your child is looking down on you from Heaven and will be there to meet you and hug you when you are called home. May God bless you and Happy Mothers Day!

    • You were a Mom, if only for three short months…and still are. Your baby’s soul went to heaven on that fateful day, and he/she went to the arms of the angels who are caring for him/her until you meet again someday.

    • Paula, you may not have raised a child, but you are no less a mother. Your journey of motherhood is different than some but you are still a mother. So sorry for your loss.

    • Sweetie, you are a mom! Just because you don’t have your baby in your arms doesn’t make you any less of a mom. You’re baby was very much alive, even if it was for just a short amount of time. He/she only knew unconditional love. Your baby never had to experience hurt, fear, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, a broken heart, etc. All your baby ever knew and felt was pure love. You are just as much a mother as the next! So, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY HONEY!

    • Dear, sweet stranger: I am so sorry for your pain. You must know, though: You ARE a mommy. You carried and nourished your sweet little one for 3 months. You are a mommy. Forever.

    • I too miscarried at 3 months, almost like 11 yrs ago, and also haven’t been able to conceive. I understand. 🙁 Sometimes it just gets to be too much, and everyone asking me when I will have a chold, makes it worse.

    • You are a mother because you conceived a child. I went through the exact same thing! Miscarried at 3 months and was unable to have any other children. Mother’s day is tough for me, I always wanted a family. It was the one thing in life I really ever wanted. I feel your pain and just know that you are not alone!

    • You are a Mother and you sweet child is waiting for you on the other side.Talk to your child they are listening and the love you have for them can grow.

    • You are a mother! You’ve carried a baby within your womb. Those tiny footprints will be on your heart forever. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’ve had 3 losses myself, and struggled with infertility. By some miracle, I was blessed with a daughter in 2012. I will never forget the babies I never got to hold, and will always grieve for them. You are not forgotten on Mothers Day.

    • Paula, I feel your pain and yes it is real pain. I myself lost 3 babies to miscarriages I find myself missing each and every one. They were at 3, 4 and 6 months. These losses are real and you have every right to grieve, to miss your child, to wonder “what if”. You are a mother in every sense of the word and someday when you are re-united with your baby you will rejoice. I also had 2 sons so I did get to enjoy every aspect of being a mother, however my youngest died at 26 due to illnesses he suffered from serving in Iraq. My heart goes out to you and all of the grieving mothers out there, for it is a loss like no other. I pray you find comfort.

    • I too lost a child at 22 weeks, he lived for 2 hrs and in that time I lived a life of hopes, dreams, love and pain. In my heart I know I’m a Mom but on Mothers Day I cry for my sweet Elliot. I send you love and hugs for we are Heavens Mothers!

    • Oh sweet Paula, you ARE a mother. You sacrificed so much and loved your sweet baby for the short amount of time you were given. It is so cruel that our society has made you and many others feel like carrying a baby for only 3 months means the baby didn’t exist, but I know your feelings of loss are very real and that baby was loved by you, it’s mother. May you be blessed.

    • I miscarried last year at around 3 months. I was blessed enough to get pregnant again. I’m now the mother of a beautiful little boy… but it still hurts. You lost something so dear… you are the member of a much sadder club but we acknowledge your loss just the same.

    • Then mother’s day is just for you. Mother’s day isn’t solely about what grew/grows in your womb. It’s about your heart. I have never given birth to a child but I have a daughter. I tell everyone “she did not grow under my heart but she grew in it. THAT is what really matters.

      *hugs*

    • I feel your pain … I have never been the same when my iVF failed 11 years ago and to this day it’s a pain that will never go away. Please know your not alone????

    • Your comment truly expressed how i feel, i too miscarried at three months, that was almost two years ago.. that pain, that loss it stays with you, so many just do not understand the crippling pain, mothers day is a huge reminder of the loss, it always makes me sad but my baby is and always will be in my thoughts and in my heart.

    • First of all, I am sorry for your loss. And secondly, Yes, you can. I believe you can. Also sweet lady, there are support groups for mothers like you. All these years you still remember that child and how old that child would be right now, you lost a child my sweet. I’m so sorry.

    • I feel your pain as I am in the same boat….only 9 years ago I miscarried and at 40 yrs old now…I will more than likely never get pregnant again. 🙁

    • To be a mother does not mean u have to have a baby it mean u gotta love like a mother protect like a mother feel their pain and I would say u are a mother and u hold her close as close as u can in your heart! Happy Mothers Day!

    • You are still a mother, a different kind of mother. You are the hardest kind of mother, a mother to An angel. You see your baby was needed again by god and was called home to soon. Prayers, love, and peace to you always!

    • You are a mother and don’t let anyone ever tell you aren’t… you have a beautiful angel baby I miscarried in August last year and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my baby in my eyes I’m still a mom

    • I too recently lost at three months. I still can’t get over the pain. But another article I read helped me a little. It said that no matter when the loss is. Its a loss. And it’s ok for us to say we have a baby in heaven. You just don’t forget that it was a baby. You can call yourself mother to an angel. Because that’s what we are.

  66. Thank you so much. I get angry, hurt, confused, regretful, and disappointed on Mother’s Day. I lost my mother 34 years ago..when I was 6. I was always ignored each Mother’s Day because no one knew exactly where I’d fit into the whole mix, and it was too awkward and painful for them to acknowledge me. Now, as a woman with no children, I get left out for not being a mother. A lifetime of constant alienation from this holiday has made me disdain in.

  67. Thank you for this. That call will never come, nor will those flowers, and if they do, I will celebrate and welcome him home, like the prodigal son! I raised a great son, but for whatever current mind set, I am the enemy. I know of no enemy who loves so much and unconditional, regardless of the wall which has been forced up. I will truly and unequivocally love my son, until my soul leaves my earthly vessel. No woman can take that away from me, even though they have distanced my son, they will not have me cease in my love for him. My heart breaks for you my son, but it will hold you dearly amongst the broken pieces. ❤️