I Don’t Grieve Over His Cruelty. I Grieve Over Yours.

I really don’t care about him.

I know you think I do, but my sadness really has nothing to do with him.

I know who he is—and more accurately, I know what he is.

I know that he is just a mirror.

He has simply revealed clearly the disfigured ugliness of the place I call home and the people I live here alongside—and that is the thing I grieve over. And this is not the mourning over a singular loss, it is a daily grieving.

I grieve when I see elementary school teachers dressed up like a border wall for Halloween.
I grieve when I see white a woman screaming obscenities at two Muslims teenagers at a stop light.
I grieve when I see a Jewish professor’s office littered with spray-painted swastikas.
I grieve when I watch a father of four being tackled by ICE agents outside immigration offices.
I grieve when I witness white high school seniors making a “Heil Hitler” arm gesture during class photos.
I grieve when I see the contempt from white friends, when young black men die at traffic stops.
I grieve when I find the most vile sickness on my social media feed, hurled toward people of color and women and transgender people.
I grieve when I hear professed Christian pastors calling for the killing of LGBTQ people.

I grieve when I see rambling, racist tirades on subway cars filled with families with young children.
I grieve when I see supremacist candidates being elected and re-elected.
I grieve when I overhear dehumanizing conversations from old, white men, about Democratic women leaders, in crowded cafés.
I grieve when I sit across holiday tables, and witness bigoted tirades that I’d have thought people I knew and loved were not capable of.

And though all of these things are undoubtedly emboldened by him and encouraged by him and celebrated by him—that is not the source of my despair. It is the reality that all of this vicious, toxic, filth that we are infected with today—is something you are largely fine with. The rising hatred is not alarming or discomforting enough to you, to move you to action or to speak against it.

Oh sure, you might inwardly twinge with discomfort at one or two of the most egregious offenses, but by and large you’re good with it all.

With your silence as much as with your volume, you show me you are more with him than you are against him, that you are more like him than different from him—and that you and I are increasingly morally incompatible.

So yes, he is a mirror, and I am seeing you my countrymen and women through him.

That is why I grieve, friend.

That is why I don’t see America or my church or my neighborhood or my family the same anymore, and I’m not sure I ever will again.

The greatest tragedy to me, isn’t him. It isn’t that the person supposedly leading our country lacks a single benevolent impulse, that he is impervious to compassion, incapable of nobility, and mortally allergic to simple kindness.

The greatest tragedy, is how many Americans he now represents.

And that he represents you.



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277 thoughts on “I Don’t Grieve Over His Cruelty. I Grieve Over Yours.

  1. I grieve because I know people who have always been like that but we were supposed to laugh at their racist, sexist jokes and comments that I found so disgusting. That I had to keep my mouth shut because they were my bosses, co-workers, family members or church members. They’ve always been here but Donald has given them permission to shout it from the rooftops, normalize it, and worse, legislate it.

    • ” They’ve always been here but Donald has given them permission to shout it from the rooftops, normalize it, and worse, legislate it.”

      nonsense. hes not making laws to normalize or even encourage racism. nor is he “giving them permission”. you are utterly brainwashed by the left

      • Jim, everything you just wrote is wrong. Trump has advanced many policies that are discriminatory in nature, against people of color, asylum seekers, and gay and trans individuals. He “gives permission” by winking at overt White Nationalism, and by being, in general, a hateful sack of shit. If you like him, you must be one, too.

      • Trump implies permission by his piss-poor example of leadership. No president in the history of this country has such a massive case of white-man butthurt, with so little justification…not to mention that his agenda is running this country into the ground.

      • Trump has made bigoted remarks about Mexicans and Muslims. We heard them. He described those who shouted “you will not replace us” as “good people”. Are there racists in the US? Yes, there are. It is likely those racist agreed with and were encouraged by those racist remarks? If so, then one of the most influential people in the world who makes those racist remarks can reasonably be to be normalizing racism. Can you refute that logic?

      • What is “the left”? Is this the label you want to place upon those who disagree with you? I love people–no matter their race, gender, or national origin. Do you categorize me based on this? Even is you wish to place a hateful label upon my beliefs I still love you. This is why we exist–to learn to love on another. I hope one day all will understand and stop the hate.

      • He’s not making laws, but he is setting an example. If you’re in business, and your supervisor/manager/big boss uses words like “shithole”, makes fun of handicapped people, and brags about grabbing women’s p***y, and you’re a woman, how do you feel when the men you work with start doing the same? Especially if, before this, those men never acted that way? Would you wonder if they had always been secret foulmouthed idiots, and you were just naive for thinking they were normal people like you?

      • Actually, Trump is giving people permission to promulgate racism. When he says that there are “good” white supremacists. When he argues that all those who wish to immigrate over our southern border are rapists, criminals, drug dealers and gang members. When he puts little children in cages. And yes, he himself does these things even when there are other hands locking the cage doors.

    • DON’T grieve for me because I don’t allow family, friends or those around me to disrespect othes about there race, belief , sexual orientation or appearance. My kids were raised not to be disrespectful, cruel to others and be kind. They were chastised for foul language and not allowed to use profanity when in my prensence
      This greviences are continuing because kids are not getting parented to raise kind kids. Generation after generation of under educated ,abusive noncaring not involved parents perpetuate the same ignorance,hate and rebelrousing unacceptable behavior. It is ok to act the way dad and Grandpa do;it’s all they know. Alot of this outrageous behavior and hate is learned and passed along.
      Trump perpetuates this because he is an angry, hateful , intolerant and has an adolescent brain that has never matured to function as an adult. Was daddy also racist , hateful, egotistical and not visible during his up bringing
      Retired certified pediatric RN


    • I grieve because Donald Trump makes it okay be to hateful and mean spirted. The president should reflect the best in us and not the worst in us. People when I was young would state they would want to be president and try to improve this country. He has not and seems to care about people being decent human beings.

  2. Here I had written on the core of 45’s disdain. Hurt know hurt. http://mzmward.edublogs.org/2018/12/12/mommy-issues/

    45 is White Folks on STEROIDS.

    Look at this un warranted, illegal, immoral and inhumane new liberty to be racist, causing terror and even murderous.

    45 is just LOUD, INTENTIONAL, UNAPOLOGETIC AND UNAFRAID but the heart, soul and core of this country is the same.

    • “45 is White Folks on STEROIDS.”

      you DO realize that you just implied that all white people are racist right? and then you go on about “their” new liberty to be racist, completely ignoring that people of ALL races are and can be racist.

      • No, she did not. You decided to interpret it as a comment on “all” white people but she’s commenting on the behavior.

        Let go of the persecution complex.

      • While it is true that not all white people are racially bigoted against people of color, the majority of white people who voted in the 2016 presidential election voted for Donald Trump. The utilization of political power to elect a presidental candidate who advanced the racist “Birther” lie against America’s first and only black president; had a history of discriminating against people of color in rental housing and employment as a private citizen; characterized all (but a few good) Mexicans as rapists and criminals; supported a white nationalist agenda; and was enthusiastically endorsed by David Duke and the KKK is an especially egregious form of racism.

    • Some white folks. Not this one. I deplore and oppose the ones who are. We are all children of God. Peace to you my sister.

  3. Pingback: I Don't Grieve Over His Cruelty. I Grieve Over Yours.

  4. I grieve because you are focussing your grief toward a man. I grieve because this is not his doing. I grieve because the people have turned away from God and worship idols. I grieve because we are Soddom. I grieve because even our Christians leaders, who judge with false love and compassion, have forgotten the Word of God and no longer evangelise and shepherd their flock with the truth of salvation. I grieve because time is short. So dont blame Trump; he is just a man. Blame him who rules this earth and will do until Jesus returns. Till then, don’t grieve for your Nation; pray for it!

  5. Ultimately, we get wjat we deserve by our actions or non – action. What we put out ultimately comes.back to us in some way.

  6. That is as I have been saying. Trump MIRRORS his flock in every aspect, fear of knowledge, equality and freedom, and they LUV him for it in return.

  7. I grieve because I wanted to wake up next to you. Its the only reason. I am grateful you helped me to believe in myself even when I am shaking in my boots. I looked everywhere. I needed you.

  8. Jim “white-‘splains” racism… not even realizing that in doing so, he self-identified as one of *those* kind of “White Folks”.

  9. Let’s not mince words. He’s a fascist monster totally on board the ethnostate train. They won’t get their fantasy nation with just travel bans and deportations. It’ll take a genocide on a scale unseen in history. He’s a buffoon but don’t lose the plot. We’re on the verge of another holocaust if this sht isn’t shut down immediately. Oh yeah, and the wall? It’s to prevent *escape* when this nazi clown incites his heavily armed cult to purge his enemies.

  10. November 8, 2016 was my birthday…imagine the feeling as I watched the election returns. It was like a giant punch in the gut. I realize now that the feeling I walk around with daily is a kind of grief. I grieve for what is happening to my country and the feeling of not being safe anymore. I grieve over seeing all the twisted people seemingly coming from nowhere…people I forgot existed 🙁 I grieve over the loss of respect and honor this country had globally. I grieve…

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  12. I have felt this way since the Republican National Convention, the Lock Her Up show. But I’d take it a bit further. Trump is
    Us, the collective. He is what America has become. He is the culmination of our history in some sense. He is not THEM, those people over there. He is US. I have to include myself in the us group. I have to take that on. I can’t exclude myself. In some way I am complicit. My resistance has to be also a self-searching. I can’t stand over here and point.
    I’m an old white man from Mississippi. The shame of this is invested in me.

  13. Did you mean to say us in that last sentence. He represents all Americans. His behaviors, beliefs, and values are reflected onto us all whether or not we are ok with them. He was elected because his beliefs, values, and fears are shared by many Americans. Many Americans are not ok with him or his supporters…many remain silent…and many are vocal and resist falling in line behind him in actions small and large.

  14. Thus way of thinking is what is wrong with this country. Not all Republicans are the people in thus post … just as not all Democrats are the people portrayed in this post. This is just one person’s view and why do we place so much importance on him. Yes I am a Republican and proud of it but I do want great things gir all Americans and Immigrants that come legally.

  15. My brother suggested I may like this website. He used to be entirely right.
    This post actually made my day. You cann’t believe simply how a lot time I had spent for this information!

  16. I grieve when I read all the lies that are spewed from your mouth and then to think that is where you put food. Oh I know, all you have to do nowadays is to write a book about how terrible our President is no matter if it is true or not Maybe you forgot that when President Trump won it was the democrats who would not accept it . Remember? This is why this country is today infected with vicious, toxic filth. Just look at the wonderful women, Maxine, Pelosi, AOC, the one who yelled she wanted to impeach the mf prez, and then the ones who are antisemitic , these are the kind of women you endorse? Whether you like him or not President has done more for this country since President Reagan. My advise to you is to get your head out of the hole(you know which one) and clear your eyes so you can see the real world. I am a proud Republican and have been for years after leaving the democratic party years ago when I could see where they were heading. Thanks for letting me share.

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  18. It is pointless to make a statement here. This is just another blind man spreading the divide between the people.

  19. Humans have always been aweful to each other under the guise of colour creed religion genocide and on and on … this gave the opportunity to trick decieve and betray by a subculture around the world that has taken advantage and maybe you don’t know or see. He is the man that will clean it up give him time try and understand the depth of what he is actually doing. Nothing scares him nothing affects him he is not afraid of what you think he has a job and he will make it happen. The world will final find peace love and equality on a level we can’t even imagine.

  20. I grieve over the people that believe this nonsense. Compliance tactics, the blame-game, activist journalists dividing America and enticing people to destroy relationships with people who might think differently so they don’t hear opposing points of view. People are not racists by default, nor are Christian pastors calling for killing LGBT people. If you can’t point to a specific policy, person, or law, its nothing more than propaganda, and lies.

  21. DId you know that Accountable New York is running ads on your site?? I just scrolled past two of them embedded in this article while reading on my phone. Yikes!

  22. “..And though all of these things are undoubtedly emboldened by him and encouraged by him and celebrated by him..” what the f***?? Credible pastors don’t call everyone a bigot and racist and push political propaganda. Get a new title.

  23. No, he does NOT represent ME. I grieve AND speak out whenever I see or hear of incidents such as those you describe. I grieve – no, let’s be more accurate – I am disgusted AND angry AND hurt AND puzzled when church folk I know – the self-professed very religious, Jesus is the ONLY way types – when they say BUILD THE WALL, or when they post some online garbahj about Hillary or Michelle (why do they think they are on first name basis with these women? ) and when I gently comment that I don’t agree, they tell me I am ill-informed. This makes me wonder what kind of christians they can possibly be. Would Jesus have condemned or treated differently those born on the “wrong side” of an artificially drawn line in the sane? Would he have thought it was ok to post unverifiable attacks on women who have histories of serving others, who have compassion, intelligence, and humanity, and lack bigotry?

    NO, he wouldn’t have – but the particular people of whom I speak are “holier than thou” and yet condemn and would exclude or expel those born south of the Rio Grande, as well a condemning female politicians

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