Sometimes I look around and ask questions as a Christian, sometimes as a father and sometimes as a pastor. (and some days, the three of us get together and agree on stuff that we don’t quite have peace with). For example:
“Do we have anything like pageants for pre-teen and teenage boys?”
Don’t answer right away… Really think about that for a minute.
Do we ask little boys or young men to parade themselves on stage in different outfits, ask them a few questions, have them perform a song or dance number or ventriloquist act, and then vote one of them the winner, and give them a crown and sash?
That’s the question that I heard in my head, as some photos popped-up on my Facebook newsfeed, of teenage girls in a local “beauty” pageant. (I’m almost positive that the word beauty is not used anymore, as organizers and participants will argue that physical “beauty” is not the point – more on that later).
So, what is the point? That isn’t a rhetorical question. I really don’t know.
I hear lots of talk about girls learning poise and confidence and how to carry themselves, and I wonder if that’s really the best way to teach those things. Can’t we accomplish that through a billion venues that don’t involve taffeta and vaseline and choreography?
As someone whose job it is to minister to teenage girls; to help them find their God-given identities and learn to see themselves as valuable and beautiful, I already feel like we’re fighting a drastically uphill battle… We’re going-up against television, the movies, the music industry, magazines… All of these influencers tell girls over and over again:
“You better be thin.”
“You better be pretty.”
“You better be popular.”
“You better be feminine.”
“Use your body to get what you want.”
Every week I see my female students on social media, completely buying into those lies, feeling the pressure to live into that kind of reality; trying to “one-up” their friends with candid photos and competing for attention and affection and comments.
And so the pastor/father/Christian alarms go off, as I see these young girls walking across that stage, with revealing gowns, gobs of makeup and plastered on smiles. I start to feel uneasy. I start to wonder if we aren’t doing some damage here.
“But the girls enjoy the pageants!” people will say.
Of course they do… They are doing what society’s been telling them they’re supposed to do for ages, (acting like princesses), and as a result, they are getting loads of attention, in huge lights on a big stage with cheering crowds. What’s not to like?
And everyone; the girls, their parents and friends, all seem to be fine with it. (And I start to feel like a real Debbie Downer, frankly for even asking the question)
But then I realize, that just because they’re teenagers, doesn’t mean this is all healthy. Just because they look more natural all dressed-up, doesn’t mean it doesn’t cost anything.
Most people I know will watch a show like Toddlers and Tiaras, and find it pretty unsettling when we dress-up 6-year old girls to look and act like they’re 16, but most don’t think twice when we dress-up 16-year old girls to look and act like they’re 26.
I know lots of girls in our ministry family who are part of pageant life. They are sweet, smart, talented, Godly girls of integrity. I love them and haven’t a bad thing to say about them being in pageants.
However, I also know many, many other sweet, smart, talented Godly girls of integrity who would never take part in a pageant, and quite frankly wouldn’t have a shot at winning if they did.
And I guess that’s the point.
Because sadly, the nagging feeling I get, is that what seems to be at the heart of pageant life, is the same thing that lies at the heart of Hollywood, and Madison Avenue, and that is this clear, time-tested message:
“Girls, it’s all about inner beauty… but unless you’re pretty on the outside, we’re not going to give you the chance to show us.”
Maybe this is all no big deal. Maybe the pastor in me, the Christian in me and the father in me are all way-off.
I really hope they are.
