For Those Who Hurt On Mother's Day

Tear

Today is Mother’s Day.

For many people that means flowers and handmade cards and brunches and hugs and laughter. It means celebration and gratitude and rejoicing.

But for some it just means tears.

For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.

This day might bring with it the scalding sting of grief for the empty chair around a table.

It might come with choking regret for a relationship that has been horribly severed.

It might be a day of looking around at other mothers and other children, and feeling the unwelcome intrusion of jealousy that comes with comparison.

Consider this a love letter to you who are struggling today; you whose Mother’s Day experience might be rather bittersweet— or perhaps only bitter.

This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship.

If you are hurting; hurt.

May you feel permission to cry, to grieve, to be not alright.

May you relieve yourself of the burden of pretending everything is fine or faking stability or concealing the damage.

May you feel not a trace of guilt for any twinge of pain or anger that seizes you today, because it is your right to feel.

Above all though, may you find in your very sadness, the proof that your heart though badly broken, still works.

See your grief as the terrible tax on loving people well, and see your unquenched longing for something better as a reminder of the goodness within you that desires a soft place to land.

If on this Mother’s Day you are hurting, know that you are not alone.

May these words be the flowers that you wait for or the call that won’t come or the conversation that you can’t have or the reunion that has not yet arrived.

In your profound anguish, know that you are seen and heard and that you are more loved than you realize.

Be greatly encouraged today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

564 thoughts on “For Those Who Hurt On Mother's Day

    • You know, I understand the pain of losing a child because I lost two at 8months! Both of them. My worst pain is not having kids on that day!!!! If I had two children that loved me, if I lost one I would probably be to clingy to the other.lol
      I simply don’t understand why someone that lost a child would simply act as if they don’t have the other. Why would you choose to pretend you are not a mother!
      One child was 48 and the other 51! If you lost the 51year old, wouldn’t you decide that speaking to the 48 year old would be wise?? I mean, what if you new the 51 year old loved the 48 year old! Why in the world would you pretend to not have the other!! Wouldn’t you simply figure that wow! I just lost my 51 year old! Let’s make sure things are good with the 48 year old!! After all, I would think you would be grateful to still be a mom! Why pretend your not?? Who in their right mind just tells everyone,vim all alone on mother’s day!! That’s crazy, so is this mother fit??? I think not!!

  1. John. I don’t write because I hurt. My mother is still alive and I am blessed with children with whom I will have lunch tomorrow. I write because I know many others that hurt; many in my church and many that don’t go to church. THANK YOU for your sensitivity and for these words – truth with so much love. THANK YOU for pulling yourself and your readers out of our comfort zones and make us painfully aware that while we celebrate others grieve; for making us sensitive.
    John. I write because I hurt… for those that can’t celebrate like me.
    1 Cor 12:26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it

    • Thank you for this. I don’t have children. I do have a stepdaughter whom I love- but she has a mother. An adoption fell through years ago and we said “we’re done”. I am now 61 years young and still get a heavy sadness on Mothers Day. I don’t go to church on Mother’s Day unless I am scheduled to play in the worship band. I find it is better if I don’t….first off, I “don’t belong” that day. It makes me sad and I have reached a place where I am not sad most of the time. Secondly, we need the space for all the families coming to church with their mothers. 😉 However I feel, it’s okay, as long as I don’t rain on someone else’s special day. Thanks again for your thoughtful article.

      • Being a mother is one of the biggest joys in life, however at this point in your life I am quite sure you have been a blessing to many people in your life who think of you in a motherly sense. That in itself is a blessing, not all women can bestow on others that being said you belong in church just as much if not more than anyone else let OUR HEAVENLY FATHER replace your sadness with joy AMEN!

        • Amen!!! Love this response..and we need to be grateful for the other blessings that have been bestowed upon us. The bible says that we are not to compare blessings just be
          grateful for what you have..

      • I feel that those who can’t have children in this lifetime will be blessed to have children in the next. Life is long and heavenly Father loves you so much he will heal that hurt and fulfill all your dreams.

        • I appreciate your encouragement as my wife and I will likely never have children in this life due to medical reasons. We lost one at 8 weeks shortly after getting married, but we trust that God will reunite us in heaven. However, there is no marriage in heaven, so I don’t think anyone will have children in the next life in the same way as in this one. Still, everyone on heaven will be closer than family, so perhaps we will be able to love many children there who were unloved here, and that will make up for the pain we feel now.

          • Ryan… I have full confidence that God not only can but will be able to bring back to life the child you and your wife lost as well as restore back to you both the ability to have more children in a future not far from us. The Bible speaks of a Paradise here on Earth that God promised to his faithful servants where pain and sorrow will no longer exist, our dead loved ones will be brought back to life and God will open his hand and satisfy the desire of those who fear Him . My hope is based on Scriptures such as these: Psalms 37:28, 29… Revelation 21:3, 4… Acts 25:15 and Psalms 145:16-19 among others. You can read more about it here: https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20150801/the-resurrection/
            May God’s Word and its promises give you and your wife the comfort you need in your moments of pain!

      • Lauren,…….Hugs to You! But,….if you still want a child to nurture and love, it is not too late! There are many children needing a family. Look into your state’s foster care and adoption programs.

      • Mrs Lauren, just because you only have a step daughter doesn’t mean your not a mother in your own right. I’m sure you have touched young people’s lives in someway. So have a happy mothers day and a blessed one.

    • Thank-you this was very touch I hurt every Mothers Day I lost my baby Sister on Mothers Day May 12, 1985 Her husband beat and shot Her in my apartment this time of the year is never good for me

      • Dear Ella,
        I am so sorry to read that your sister was taken from you, and that Mother’s Day is a painful reminder. Hugs to you, that is all I can say. <3

      • I know this pain all too well. In 1971, when I was 17, I lost my father on Mother’s day. In 2015, I also lost my son Ismael on Mother’s day. I hurt, cry and stay in a dark place. If not for my remaining 2 boys, I don’t know where I would be now. Their love and that of my grandkids has helped me.

      • I am so so sorry !I cant say I lost in the same way as you lost ,but I have a son who was very ,very close to my daughter and I .He took up with his wifes best friend and left his children behind at my home for 4 yrs .When he told me they were preg ,he assumed I would be happy .I did not have chance to be !His new wife never allowed me to hold her baby and has him turned away from me .I hurt .But at least he is still alive !God be with you and show you peace !!!

      • Ella, I pray GOD gives you comfort every Mother’s Day & just know much your sister loved you. She wouldn’t want you to grieve her, but rejoice in her memory. Smile every time you think of her, think good thoughts and tell her how much you love her. It’s OK to cry. That’s GOD’s way of cleansing the soul. My whole family has passed away & I am left alone. I think of them every holiday, birthday, the day they passed away & in many other ways. I’m sad some of those days, but I remember the strength they taught me & the awesome love we had for each other. We were a small close-knit family and celebrated every event together. GOD BLESS YOU!!

    • Thanks I really needed to see this my mother passed a few yes back and wish I could spend one more day with her

    • Thank you for such a loving message. I am a mother who hurts raised a son doing all that I could. Now what I have is a son I pray for. Today I had to finally say enough tough love. Do not call me anymore. A mother does not nor should she take any verbal abuse even on the phone. Pray is what as done before continue. I am the mother who stopped going to church on Mother’s Day. It is my prayer and hope the church will acknowledge the hurting and grieving mother’s and on Father’s Day do the same.

  2. Brother John,

    You are an inspiration to many. This post was a godsend and we at Blessed Magazine appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern for those who will be embracing this holiday with pain and sorrow. Continue to be led of God’s spirit in all that you do….again….bravo!!!

  3. John, I had to read this when I was alone because I knew the tears would flow. Your words always touch my heart so deeply. I wish I could be honest in my pain, but the source of my pain angers people around me, so I am quiet. Thank you for acknowledging this pain that many feel.

    • “This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship” Was the take away line I have made my personal motto. Tears can be healing. Choose your audience well..there will be some you can be completely honest with. Blessings.

    • Tanarhea,
      I’m so sorry you feel unable to express your grief to those around you. I can’t imagine why someone would be angry toward you for any reason, but my heart goes out to you. <3

      Babs

      • The reason there is anger there Babs, is because he sees how much this person is hurting me and he wishes it would stop. And so, I try to keep it from him, to not make matters worse. Thank you for caring.

      • I am not the woman you were speaking to but I lost my grown son a few months ago. He left behind the mother of twin infants. This young woman feels that he was her’s and because they were planning a future together her pain is deeper. I don’t have any argument as to how affected her life and future are without him but she seems to believe I am incapable of understanding her pain and why it’s worse in so many ways. The thing that hurts me 100x worse is that a huge part of my Greif is actually knowing the hundreds of moments thru every day and mite she misses his touch, smile, hugs, support, help with his TWO BABIES!!! Everytime I miss him I truly think of her and how she must feel! She seems to resent my sadness. It’s like an arrow to my heart to lose her as I’m coping with losing him…I am at a loss!!!!

  4. Mother’s Day (and Fathers Day) are really hard on me. My mother never cared to acknowledge the fact that besides her successful sons over me… a mentally ill daughter. My dad wanted to keep me but my mother nixed this. She gave me up for adoption, but I never was adopted… just your average foster kid. Instead I got two alcoholics for “parents”. No love there either. Just pain.

    • I feel your pain. I grew up with an abusive mother and father. My sister and my brothers always have a hard time for both Mother’s and Father’s day.

    • Oh, that breaks my heart. I wish you had been my little girl. My boys love me, but they are so busy with their families and jobs that they have so little time for me. Forgive your mother, she must have had pain that misguided her. It will be made up to you. You are so beautiful, have a happy heart.

  5. thank you for writing this.. I have felt this way for years and just pretended it was all fine.. Smiling and saying thank you when people wished me happy Mother’s Day.. I appreciated their thoughtfulness even though it stung a bit to hear those words.. And the past few years I have just avoided gatherings in this day altogether.. Thank you for sharing.. I’m sure there are
    Many that will appreciate this like I did.. Thank you

  6. Many morn the sadness of lossess of these so called holidays that should bring joy and make memories. As a child a card made by me and a burnt toast would start this day. As a child I would paint a picture and every part of my body and she would celebrate with a smile. Tomorrow brings a remembrance that she is gone and now I am the mom. My heart is heavy as I think about what she did for me and how I could never compare myself to her, all she did everyday. Tomorrow I will awaken to pitter patter on the floor and look into my daughters eyes and smile, make the memories that once I made for her.

  7. Here I am 53 years old, my kids are finally old enough that I told them that Mothers Day is a day to sit in the back yard, sun tan and chill over some cocktails with my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend says oh our other friend has invited us for dinner, she is putting on turkey and jigs dinner and the whole spread and I was like What!! Her kid is grown up why on earth is she doing that (her kid never starved but we aren’t talking Suzie Homemaker here) Then I realized oh yeah, she has a mom. Its been so long since I buried mine that I had kind of forgot that Mother’s day isn’t just about the mom’s of my generation.Of course I would do anything just to have my Mom back for a day but its pretty cool to be the star of the day too. I must say your article is very insightful into the feelings invoked by this day considering you are a man, but I guess Father’s day brings up the same feelings. Oh and by the way, dinner for us was an amazingly yummy stir fry cooked by my 15 year old daughter.

  8. Thank you for such true words I cried reading the whole thing .
    My son died jan 21 2012 at the age of 26 he battled cancer for 7 yrs and I was so proud of him for never acting or living like he had cancer and always said I’ve lived my life mom look at these babies fighting cancer it’s not fare.
    I cry every day I want my son back !!!

  9. I grieve for the loss of myom. For the loss of eldest who never respected me. For my youngest what busy to care or understand my pain. For all the lonely mothers day my ex husband didn’t give me anything but a card. Maybe. I grieve. I’m dying. I hope when gone they realize how little they cared, how much they hurt me it’ll be too title too late. I did so much for them. To protect them to teach them , to give them love and respect. Guess they felt I didn’t deserve it. . But I’m gonna haunt a few people. Myex, his whores, and remind my kids I’m still watching over them.

    • Your not a lone been waiting for a call all day knowing all the time am not going to get it but this made me feel better

      • Don’t feel bad. My phone has never rung. I have to do the dialing. Then I feel like I am interrupting life, the universe, and everything.

  10. I sometimes hurt on Mother’s Day. This is just a quick message to let John Pavlovitz and his blog followers know that I have established a new Christian blog at the following URL:

    https://faith17983.wordpress.com/

    This new blog is devoted to severe criticism of Christian fundamentalism, conservative evangelicalism, and the so-called Religious Right in the United States.

    Recent statistics indicate that a full 88 percent of the children raised in Christian fundamentalist churches leave the faith tradition of their youth and never come back to those churches or churches like them again for the rest of their lives. My new blog is aimed at flushing the remaining 12 percent out of their pews and thereby depopulating both their churches and the Religious Right. The spiritual abuse cannot continue if there are no people left in the pews to abuse. I am also encouraging these people who escape to continue their faith and worship of Jesus Christ in churches that are both nonfundie and nonabusive.

    If you would like to be a regular follower of the blog, then click on the “Follow Button” when you get there. If you are wondering why there is no button for commenting, just click on the “Blog Policy” button. I do not tolerate fundie bullshit in comments.

  11. Thank you. Thank you for speaking the truth and speaking with compassion to those many out here who ARE in fact hurting today… and for whom there is no (socially) acceptable space to grieve.

  12. Pingback: When Mother's Day is dreaded.

  13. That is so thoughtful of you. Many and that includes me have forgotten that on this day not everyone is celebrating. Many mothers out there are alone, abandoned or forgotten.

  14. Thank you for this. I somehow needed to hear that I was allowed to cry and not feel ashamed that I am still struggling with the estrangement of my mother, or my own barrenness. <3

  15. This is one of the most moving essays I have ever read, or heard, about Mother’s Day. For some inexplicable (to me, at least) reason, it eased some of the sadness that this day brings. I would have never suspected that the words of a stranger could have such an impact on me. Please know that it is appreciated.

  16. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | St Louis Photographer Peggy Franz

  17. Not everyone feels loved or appreciated on Mothers Day, to them I say, you are loved by many others, if not your own child. Remember, it could be their own problem, not how they were mothered, I know no mother who does not love their children. Make others your family, be with the ones who care, the ungrateful child will have their regrets to live with for the rest of their lives. Times are different. I would never have hurt my mother, no matter what, honoring your parents is a commandment, even if that parent isn’t perfect.

  18. Thank you. Although my children call and send a card they are all scattered. I intensely dislike Mother’s Day, especially when the in-law gets a present or gets to out to dinner. Thank you for giving permission to feel angry. Jesus knows why I have those feelings and understands.

    • Me, too, Gina. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I often wish I could be like other people, but I really don’t know how, I’m just plain old barefoot me.

  19. Thank you for recognizing and honoring “the goodness within” me searching for the ever-elusive soft place to land and call my home.

    • I understand your pain. I have been through this also. Hold on to the truth of who you are, no matter who lies about you or who believes the lies. Celebrate yourself. You know how you tried, you know how you loved. A warm virtual hug. : )

    • Any time it crosses my mind that I shouldn’t have given up without a fight 35 years ago is that I would be dead, probably by my own hand. I know I should forgive, but I cannot.

  20. This is such a beautiful post and I thank you for writing it. For all the moms who struggle with postpartum mood disorders, especially- not to discount any other moms and their pain, but as a PPD survivor, I know firsthand that motherhood isn’t always the rosy picture portrayed by the media. Thank you for allowing us to feel what we feel.

  21. Pingback: … when your heart is broken on Mothers Day … | 5ringlife

  22. Thank You. Even though I am a Minister, I give myself permission to not attend Church on Mother’s Day. It is still to painful. When I left my abuser, I had to step away from almost everything, including my University Teaching Position as well as custody of my last three children, just to live! Pastors and Church Leaders did not help. My abuser strategically used my first three children to gain custody of my last three…

    • Dear Minister, so close to my own sorrow. It is painted as I flippantly walked out, and he was such an upstanding role model. The role model boasted to me at the time that he could have had me killed for $500, which I didn’t believe. Decades later, his mother told me that his father had heard him arranging it over the phone, and begged him to not do it. Gee, he should have made me an offer, as I nearly did it for free, a couple of times, that no one still knows about. Sometimes, when I’m so low, I kind of wish he knew how much I still suffer, because at least, someone would be happy.

  23. I feel like my grief and anger can finally come to surface…I have felt such guilt for feelings of hate and such, for a relationship that never was or never would be like those of friends and their mothers. You are taught that this is one of the most sacred of all relationships…but for some of us, it just isnt meant to be.

      • Wanda, at the age of 36 I lost the ability to have children, too. Mine was uterine cancer that was detected while going through infertility testing. I’m grateful to have been diagnosed so early, but I still grieve.

        • Wanda and Betty, let me offer you ladies a few ‘sour grapes’ to console you. I am the mother of five successful and happy men. My mother in law told me when they were young, not to grieve for not having a daughter, that I would have five in the future. Really? They are polite acquaintances on those rare a occasions when we meet. I am so embarrassed. Just ward off feelings of sadness by telling yourself that your fantasy children would forget to call you, and their spouses would roll their eyes at your idiosyncrasies, lol. They would also use weird theme type guidelines for naming your phantom grandchildren. My advice is to get over it and go to the shelter and adopt at least three cats.

    • I literally just text my best friend about how angry I was bc I couldn’t brag on how amazing my mother was when she was alive. No, I do not wish she was dead, but I don’t feel heartache. You are not alone.

    • I’m right there with you Angela. People constantly judge me for not loving my mother. I wish I could feel like they do, but that isn’t how it is for me.

    • Yes, for some of us it is painful. You are suppose to be close to your Mom. Men get accused of cheating and not caring or doing enough. My mother just wasn’t meant to be a mom. Working in healthcare I see kids who have neither. I am blessed with the best father on Earth. Now as an adult, there is still a child in me that wants to know where his mom is. It’s hard but manageable.

    • We all want to be unique, but at the same time, we want to be like we imagine everyone else to be, happy and loved. Yes, it was never meant to be, for me, also. sigh . . .

  24. This. This gave me light today. This week is an emotional one for me. In a few days it will be 1 year since a very horrific miscarriage for me. He or she would have been my first born with my husband of 7 years. It’s been quite a journey together and every day gets easier, but today I feel the sting of not having a young one of my own. As I celebrate with my own mother, my mother in law (who feels very much like blood to me), and I call my grandma and great to wish them a happy day, it is with a heavy heart. Thank you. Thank you for putting those of us who don’t get celebrated up on a pedestal for a few moments.

    • I’m sorry for the lose you felt I to had a miscarriage and my little one would have been going on three this year… The pain is always there and today is a reminder of pain and heart break.. These kind words are nice to read when you try to be positive and move forward.. I send these words as flowers to a fellow heart that is mending ❤️

    • I understand some of your sadness. I have a grandchild whom I never got to meet or hold. Beyond that thin veil, someday, I will be able to meet him. Bless you as you continue to heal.

    • You are a mother. You have suffered the horrible tragic loss of your child. Whether you were able to give a name your baby or not. It is still your baby – flesh and blood of you and your husband.
      May God bless you and wipe away your tears of sorrow & grief. May He bless you with another beautiful child that you will be able to hold in your arms, love and nurture and help to mature into a beautiful adult.
      Christ’s peace be with you!
      Julie

    • You beautiful mothers of unborn children, your babies are still with you, whatever the reason they decided not to come here, not just yet. It may help to read about reincarnation to see if it could explain where your beloved children are.

  25. Thank you John for the beautiful and thoughtful post. A mother’s love is one of the great miracles of life. Nothing else comes close. For those who have ‘lost’ their mother, I would like to share a few thoughts:

    When my mother died at 58, I was devastated. She had been an ocean of unconditional acceptance and kindness to me and everyone that she encountered, until cancer took her suddenly from us. She would smile to us, in her final days to comfort us and hide from us how unwell she felt. Her final words being ‘I’m okay, I’m okay’

    Her passing really shook me and I had a really low year which affected my whole life.
    One day, a few years after her passing, I worked out something. I was lucky to feel this pain.
    I realised that I could not possibly feel the sense of loss, unless I had experienced the profound love. ‘Some people never get to feel this level of love, such that they could miss it’ I would tell myself.
    For sure I would love to still have her here. It still makes me cry when I allow myself, but love and loss are almost inseparable. That which arises, passes away. So we must look at the blessings that we have received and keep our thoughts on that love which is ours.

    As a source of solace, I also choose to believe that I can still feel that love and strive to assimilate her great qualities, such as gentleness and loving kindness into my own being and life. Thus I can honour and reflect the beautiful mother I had been gifted. I hope this helps.
    Bless you all.
    Paddy

  26. Wow! Wonderful words. Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you. Perfectly said.
    “This is consent to feel fully the contents of your own heart without censorship” may become my new life motto. 🙂 Blessings.

  27. Judy Beckler you are greatly missed but not forgotten. We all love and miss everything about you.Derek misses your 5 layer cookie bars and cherry delight.I miss going to bingo with the luckiest lady (Judy Beckler).I know Keith misses your talks on the phone.We are all going to share memories of you for a lifetime.

  28. Mr. Pavovlovitz,
    Thank you so much for writing this article. As both a mother of a seven year old son, and daughter who saw her mother wither away from cancer, this day is particularly difficult for me. I truly appreciate your writing and thank you for publishing this.

  29. I stood beside my mother today, Mother’s Day, as we buried the youngest of her six children. Yes, pain and tears.

  30. Thank you, for the sensitivity all the women who have experienced loss, and like myself, who so very much want to be a mother, but are dealing with not being able.

  31. Pingback: Pavlovitz on the other side of Mother’s Day. | Demosthenes' Attic

  32. Thank you so much for your kind words and a little validation that what happened was real and as a result we are mothers even tho we have no children to show for it. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

  33. Thank you for your kind words. Not everyone has had the model childhood with a loving, supportive mom, and some remember theirs with anger, sorrow or regret. Thank you for reminding me that what I feel is valid, and it’s ok to feel this way.

  34. Thank you, though it only scratches the surface; it’s definitely a start to what I hope to be a hopeful and brighter future. Thank you.

  35. This was a great post. To read some kind words felt good as I mourn. I only wish that my so called friends that know me could see the pain and be there for me. I never knew my mom and don’t have any family so days like these are the hardest. Esp holidays. I wish everyone a happy mothers day in the world and I want you to really appreciate having a mother and think of those who lonely right now and cherish the moments for us. Thanks.

  36. A difficult day for sure, having had 2 miscarriages and 2 grown stepchildren, 1 of which who hardly regards me at all…thank you for the recognition. It truly means a lot.

  37. it’s been 2years when my mom went home to our lord,it never gets easy but i know she’s good place.I miss you and I love you. see you soon.

  38. I walked out of church today crying. My pain is so deep. Somehoe God allowed me to find your post. Thank you so much for that.

  39. Thanks for this post. For those whose mothers are no longer physically with us, I say take heart and take consolation in the love she gave you, be consoled by the foundation for greatness she laid in you, take pride in the things she believed in, take solace in the fact that death is not the end to those dreams, desires and memories you shared with her, rather it is a reminder that you too have to be the best parent you can be to your child or children.

  40. Thank you. I am writing this in tears.

    My mom got carbon monoxide poisoning and is in a semi coma. She can’t talk. She can’t speak. She mostly can’t communicate. I still have her, but then in a sense I don’t. Every year, this day triggers me in so many different ways. The fury of the incident, and the frustration that I couldn’t stop it, I can’t fix it and I can’t have her back.

    Walk into a store and there are flowers to gift, cards and… kids enjoying their mother’s company. I listen to music and one line breaks me over its lyrical knee. And Facebook is flooded with people’s paeans to their moms. And I can’t bring myself to do the same.

  41. Thank you for this!! I wish I read it along time ago!! My Mother passed on Dec 31 1999 at 1047pm and I’m going into 15 years without her but it feels as if it just happened for so many reasons I would love to explain but afraid to.(in a small way) I never got to properly grieve for my mother unfortunately which I feel is even more damageable. Just want to say Thank you again for writing such a wonderful piece and I’m happy I feel upon it. I wont bore you anymore with my sobbing stories.
    Thank you Again….

    • Please, Mary…. you can grieve properly. Begin today. It is never too late. You are not boring. Your story has great meaning for you and for others… You are important… and so are your feelings.

  42. Reblogged this on What's Rattling My Cage and commented:
    I love this post John! I am of those who has those tears. They say that it gets easier, I wish that were so true! I am reading your post on Mother’s Day May 10th and today makes exactly to the 17 years since my mother passed on May 10th, 1998 which just so happened to be Mother’s Day!!! I know she watches over me and my sisters who have become wonderful mothers and now grandmothers!!! We are still blessed with our memories!!

  43. Thank you! I needed this today! My mother passed away in July 2014! It has been a difficult day though I’m thankful she is no longer suffering !

  44. Thank you for this. I have never had a good relationship with my mother. It’s more difficult now that she has passed away. That was two years ago. People really don’t have a clue how much pain she caused me my entire life. I have accepted that it was her choice. She obviously had issues, but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Of course she had her good points too, but it was primarily a negative relationship. I appreciate your acknowledging that that sometimes happens. I know I’m not alone in this.
    All the Best.

  45. Today marks a six week path of tears and feel truely blessed to have read this on mother’s day. In a week it will be the 10 th anniversary of my husband death,and in three weeks my would of been my 20th anniversary of marriage then its father’s day.so i thank you John for the message of wisdom that i will remember and carry with me for the next 6 weeks.

    • Hi Vikki, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug- I’ve been infertile for 22 years, and I can say it definitely gets easier (or you learn to manage, or something.) Give yourself permission to grieve, and remember that you are amazing just the way you are.

  46. Thanks for the wonderful words. My daughter was tragically taken from me almost 5 years ago. Our last holiday together was Mother’s Day, so it is a very difficult holiday for me to take.

  47. Thank for this. I do feel like I have to pretend to be happy and hide my pain. These are the days when I seclude myself from others because I often want to say f-off to people who want to wish me a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. My parents are both gone and that’s a hole that can’t be filled. I didn’t get as long with them as others. Death came too soon and with it brought me anger and heartache for what will never be. I usually stay off social media on these days, but I’m glad I saw this posted on Facebook. Once again thank you for acknowledging those of us who have lost.

  48. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | Slices Of Lyme Pie

  49. Thank you for these beautiful words…. they were exactly what I needed…. what I’m sure all of us here as a unit needed

  50. Thank you for this. So much more helpful than some posts I’ve read this week. I almost sobbed out loud reading this. Thank you for giving me the permission I couldn’t give myself.

  51. Thank you. I really needed this. This comes two days before my court date to try and get my boys back from my ex husband who kept them after their visit with him. I am having to prove myself to the court all over again after he was In the wrong, going against our divorce papers.

  52. My losses are three, my only son, Ray 5-17-11, died in an accident in Hawaii.
    On 7-11-11 my husband died after a two month stay in the hospital.
    On March 6-14 my only daughter, Cyndee died after a year long battle with Cancer.
    I am a sad lady today and every day.
    Thanks for your prayers.

  53. Thanks, this is a hard day for those who didn’t have a loving relationship with their Mom. It gives me hope to know that there are those who understand.

  54. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day | Screaming at Trains

  55. Thank you for the kind words. May 10 is a difficult day for me. I was born on May 10, but a lot of bad things have also happened on that date. I suffered a miscarriage on May 10, my divorce was finalized on May 10, and I lost my mother on a May 10 Mother’s Day. Yes, Mother’s Day can be a very painful day. I have struggled with it the past 6 years since my mom’s passing.

  56. Thank you for this. At 35, I always thought I’d be the mom of a loud rambunctious brood by now- the thing I’ve always wanted the most. However, life hasn’t brought me to that path yet, and each passing year is a reminder that I’m still a family of one. I love my friends’ kids to bits and very much enjoy seeing their FB posts on this day, but it doesn’t go far to assuage the gaping hole in my heart.

  57. Thank you for this. At 35, I always thought I’d be the mom of a loud rambunctious brood by now- the thing I’ve always wanted the most. However, life hasn’t brought me to that path yet, and each passing year is a reminder that I’m still a family of one. I love my friends’ kids to bits and very much enjoy seeing their FB posts on this day, but it doesn’t go far to assuage the gaping hole in my heart.

    • I understand. I am almost 42 and single. Spouse and kids just didn’t happen for me. I feel so selfish for feeling this way when I think of my friends who have lost their mothers. I have my mom, a great mom but I feel left out. Just being honest.

  58. Reblogged this on Retirement……LOVE IT! and commented:
    This blog by John Pavlovitz said so eloquently what many people feel/experience on Mother’s Day, so I felt I needed to share it. We should ALL remember to be extra sensitive to those women around us that may be having a difficult time dealing with this day yearly.

  59. Thank you for your words…so many need them. Today I grieve not only the eleven year-old loss of my dear mom, but the loss of my beloved 15 year-old granddaughter last Sept. 5th and my husband of 48 years on March 3rd. I feel not only my own pain but that of my children as they grieve the loss of their dad, but in the case of our oldest, the loss of her child as well, something we should never have to experience nor endure. Bless you for recognizing our need to grieve in our own way, in our own time and the reminder of why our hearts hurt so in the first place.

  60. My mom is still alive. Every Mother’s Day I grieve that she was not the mother I needed; she kept living with my abuser who was abusing me since I was three. I have forgiven both of them but this day with all its supposed merriment, I choose to grieve. Thank you.

    • I’m so sorry. It isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. May you have a wonderful day without the trauma of our childhood and may your have a terrific life in spite of your terrible upbringing! If it is to be, it’s up to me!

    • is your father still alive? if he still beats you, you can have him arrested for domestic violience. I was once arrested for domestic violience for biteing my wife, it was a small bite but she took it to far, but she dropped the charges after i was out on the street to live in my car for two weeks it was horrible, i didnt have anywhere to go, i stayed at my cousins house two nights but it was too far to drive from work to her house.

    • Although I been avoiding the pain all day Cindy’s words made me acknowledge and feel the emotions of the traumatic death of my alcohol ic single mother ! She died 5/4/13 of pancreatic cancer!! I hold a lot of guilt because at 51 then I realized i hadn’t really seen or talked to her in years! I also acknowledge I spent most of my time escaping from her since I ran away at 13! Please don’t let that happen to u!!! Love and miss u mom sorry I’ve been neglecting u again! Happy Mothers Day!!????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    • You, Gypsy Moma, are not alone…. Just know that your path and mine, run parallel…. but knowing that does not make today any easier. I will close my eyes, send you strength and know that we are kindred spirits in some Karmic way. Love, light, and laughter in your heart…

      • Thank you so much. I am now living 2 hours away from both of them, I speak to them regularly and I am grateful I can live away from them. I was diagnosed with a mental illness literally suffered from for 40 years; which was great to find out. Today I am happy, stable, and enjoy my life I hope for you the same. I am taking control of my life and it truly does feel great. Thanks again and KNOW you are not alone as well.

  61. For me, and others like me. I have held back tears all day today, until I read this. While reading this the tears poured down my face… I know that what I’m going through and the pain I feel every minute of every day is self-inflicted. I know that the fact that my babies are no longer my own is my fault. I know that the damage that was done to my babies was done by me.
    I know that I will more than likely never again look in their gorgeous blue eyes and hear them say “I love you Mommy”. They don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m a distant memory. And for my youngest, I’m not even that.
    I know that I did all of this. It doesn’t make the pain and the longing any less real. It doesn’t change the fact that every birthday,Christmas, and mothers day I am an emotional wreck.
    I can’t change the past. I can’t undo what was done. Only in my dreams can you back, tell myself to grow the fuck up, and be the mother those babies need you to be! Only in my dreams can I do what was asked of me, can I make the right and mature decision.
    But waking is inevitable. And the stabbing, tearing, searing, unbearable pain is all too real and present. For all you mothers out there like me, who are now rendered nothing more than an egg donor, whether it was done to you, of you did it to yourself, you are not alone in your pain. Happy Mothers Day to you.

    • That was so beautiful and i feel your pain i didnt walk out they were tooken from me and they are so far away i never seen them i miss them everytime i wake up and close my eyes!!! Thank you for making me feel that im not alone, i would like ti talk more with you if possible

    • Sarah, I know your pain all too well. But don’t ever give up hope. My boss and I talk now. My oldest is living with me again. I am about to adopt him back. They are your babies. They always will be. No piece of paper can change that. I’m here if you want to talk. Happy mother’s day to you. Tears and all. vikkifreeman1977@gmail.com

    • Sarah,
      I do not know you, but wow, your words moved me. I feel your pain.
      I a different way, I feel terrible pain for my two kids,whose mom is in an assisted living facility with early onset alzheimers and dementia. In all likelihood, this is the last mothers day they will have their mom. There is nothing we can do. But perhaps you still have a chance to recover what is lost. Prayers with you.

    • My heart aches for you. I feel the love you have for our children, and know your loss and pain are huge. I often pray for the first mothers of my children, whose loss and heartache I cannot even fathom. I cry for them and think of them frequently, especially around the holidays, or when my children do something especially cute or sweet. We keep in touch with two of them, and a third mom we cannot contact for safety reasons, as she is still making unsafe choices. But I still love her, and cry for her loss, and know she loves her child. My child does not remember her, she was too young. But she DOES love her. She knows her first mother wasn’t ready to be a mom, and that’s why she came to our family. But she talks of her first mother, and mentions she loves her. That bond, even if the memory is not there, is forever. I guarantee they thought of you today.

    • Sorry for you. I loved my kids with all I had. I didn’t give them a wonderful life. But I done the best I knew how to do. I was a single parent and wasn’t able to give them a lot but I gave them love. My son is precious and I know he loves me. My daughter is so hateful and mean, she won’t hug me or have really anything to do with me, but chooses to put everyone else in front of me. We don’t really talk or anything. I have been so very hurt by her and in return have said some things I should not have said. I know she loves me but it is just because I am mom. But she has even told people that she don’t like me. I will always love her but it is time for me to move on without her love. I will be praying for you.

    • The best gift you gave was life! Pour your energy into others who will love you back, don’t waste energy into anyone who will not receive your love. You’re in my prayers.

    • It’s never too late to get a start on repairing your relationships. You wrote a beautiful note here. Tell them what you said here….even if you have to do it a million times.

    • It’s not to late…..it’s never to late!!!! All this time my mother has been absent and inflicted nothing but pain on me and my siblings…..we are all still waiting for her to humble herself, turn her life around and come back to us…..pray about this and humble yourself…..tell your kids what you HAVE Wrote here….Chances are They are just Waiting To Hear you Speak Those words and know you Mean every word! I would die to hear my mother say what you have said here today!! I think that is a big step owning your past mistakes…..please don’t let them define you!!! With god Anything and Everything is possible no matter what you have done…..God has a great purpose for you….quit living in fear and take the leap!! Praying for you! Thanks for your post as hard as it was……Happy Mothers day!!! <3

  62. It was a really hard day for me. I cried all day! My heart hurts. I thought I had cried all my tears away. Where are they coming from? I miss my Antoinette so much. My sons called me today and wished me happy mothers day. But I will never get another happy mother’s day or any other call from my baby girl. So much pain. Bitter sweet day!!

  63. Years ago when my only child, migui who is 10 now got sick and most of his senses were affected. Yes, I am a mom but I could no longer hear him say happy mother’s day or celebrate this day like we used to. Thanks for this because I know that I’m not alone.

  64. I see my daughter in nature, the closer I get to nature, the closer I feel to her. It is the first Mothers day without her. However, reading this helps, no need to pretend to be strong. It is OK to hurt as great love and great hurt walk hand in hand. There is nothing quite like a Mother’s love…

  65. Thanks so much for these words. I miscarried at three months, a loss that many do not consider a loss. That was thirty-one years ago yet I still carry that baby in my heart. I was never able to conceive again. Mother’s Day is very painful. I feel like I should be part of the “club” but I’m not. I can’t call myself “mother” because I never had a living baby. Your words today helped more than I can express.

    • Yes you are a mother, never doubt that your child is looking down on you from Heaven and will be there to meet you and hug you when you are called home. May God bless you and Happy Mothers Day!

    • You were a Mom, if only for three short months…and still are. Your baby’s soul went to heaven on that fateful day, and he/she went to the arms of the angels who are caring for him/her until you meet again someday.

    • Paula, you may not have raised a child, but you are no less a mother. Your journey of motherhood is different than some but you are still a mother. So sorry for your loss.

    • Sweetie, you are a mom! Just because you don’t have your baby in your arms doesn’t make you any less of a mom. You’re baby was very much alive, even if it was for just a short amount of time. He/she only knew unconditional love. Your baby never had to experience hurt, fear, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, a broken heart, etc. All your baby ever knew and felt was pure love. You are just as much a mother as the next! So, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY HONEY!

    • Dear, sweet stranger: I am so sorry for your pain. You must know, though: You ARE a mommy. You carried and nourished your sweet little one for 3 months. You are a mommy. Forever.

    • I too miscarried at 3 months, almost like 11 yrs ago, and also haven’t been able to conceive. I understand. 🙁 Sometimes it just gets to be too much, and everyone asking me when I will have a chold, makes it worse.

    • You are a mother because you conceived a child. I went through the exact same thing! Miscarried at 3 months and was unable to have any other children. Mother’s day is tough for me, I always wanted a family. It was the one thing in life I really ever wanted. I feel your pain and just know that you are not alone!

    • You are a Mother and you sweet child is waiting for you on the other side.Talk to your child they are listening and the love you have for them can grow.

    • You are a mother! You’ve carried a baby within your womb. Those tiny footprints will be on your heart forever. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’ve had 3 losses myself, and struggled with infertility. By some miracle, I was blessed with a daughter in 2012. I will never forget the babies I never got to hold, and will always grieve for them. You are not forgotten on Mothers Day.

    • Paula, I feel your pain and yes it is real pain. I myself lost 3 babies to miscarriages I find myself missing each and every one. They were at 3, 4 and 6 months. These losses are real and you have every right to grieve, to miss your child, to wonder “what if”. You are a mother in every sense of the word and someday when you are re-united with your baby you will rejoice. I also had 2 sons so I did get to enjoy every aspect of being a mother, however my youngest died at 26 due to illnesses he suffered from serving in Iraq. My heart goes out to you and all of the grieving mothers out there, for it is a loss like no other. I pray you find comfort.

    • I too lost a child at 22 weeks, he lived for 2 hrs and in that time I lived a life of hopes, dreams, love and pain. In my heart I know I’m a Mom but on Mothers Day I cry for my sweet Elliot. I send you love and hugs for we are Heavens Mothers!

    • Oh sweet Paula, you ARE a mother. You sacrificed so much and loved your sweet baby for the short amount of time you were given. It is so cruel that our society has made you and many others feel like carrying a baby for only 3 months means the baby didn’t exist, but I know your feelings of loss are very real and that baby was loved by you, it’s mother. May you be blessed.

    • I miscarried last year at around 3 months. I was blessed enough to get pregnant again. I’m now the mother of a beautiful little boy… but it still hurts. You lost something so dear… you are the member of a much sadder club but we acknowledge your loss just the same.

    • Then mother’s day is just for you. Mother’s day isn’t solely about what grew/grows in your womb. It’s about your heart. I have never given birth to a child but I have a daughter. I tell everyone “she did not grow under my heart but she grew in it. THAT is what really matters.

      *hugs*

    • I feel your pain … I have never been the same when my iVF failed 11 years ago and to this day it’s a pain that will never go away. Please know your not alone????

    • Your comment truly expressed how i feel, i too miscarried at three months, that was almost two years ago.. that pain, that loss it stays with you, so many just do not understand the crippling pain, mothers day is a huge reminder of the loss, it always makes me sad but my baby is and always will be in my thoughts and in my heart.

    • First of all, I am sorry for your loss. And secondly, Yes, you can. I believe you can. Also sweet lady, there are support groups for mothers like you. All these years you still remember that child and how old that child would be right now, you lost a child my sweet. I’m so sorry.

    • I feel your pain as I am in the same boat….only 9 years ago I miscarried and at 40 yrs old now…I will more than likely never get pregnant again. 🙁

    • To be a mother does not mean u have to have a baby it mean u gotta love like a mother protect like a mother feel their pain and I would say u are a mother and u hold her close as close as u can in your heart! Happy Mothers Day!

    • You are still a mother, a different kind of mother. You are the hardest kind of mother, a mother to An angel. You see your baby was needed again by god and was called home to soon. Prayers, love, and peace to you always!

    • You are a mother and don’t let anyone ever tell you aren’t… you have a beautiful angel baby I miscarried in August last year and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my baby in my eyes I’m still a mom

    • I too recently lost at three months. I still can’t get over the pain. But another article I read helped me a little. It said that no matter when the loss is. Its a loss. And it’s ok for us to say we have a baby in heaven. You just don’t forget that it was a baby. You can call yourself mother to an angel. Because that’s what we are.

  66. Thank you so much. I get angry, hurt, confused, regretful, and disappointed on Mother’s Day. I lost my mother 34 years ago..when I was 6. I was always ignored each Mother’s Day because no one knew exactly where I’d fit into the whole mix, and it was too awkward and painful for them to acknowledge me. Now, as a woman with no children, I get left out for not being a mother. A lifetime of constant alienation from this holiday has made me disdain in.

  67. Thank you for this. That call will never come, nor will those flowers, and if they do, I will celebrate and welcome him home, like the prodigal son! I raised a great son, but for whatever current mind set, I am the enemy. I know of no enemy who loves so much and unconditional, regardless of the wall which has been forced up. I will truly and unequivocally love my son, until my soul leaves my earthly vessel. No woman can take that away from me, even though they have distanced my son, they will not have me cease in my love for him. My heart breaks for you my son, but it will hold you dearly amongst the broken pieces. ❤️

  68. Pingback: A Reminder of Mothers.. | Gazing at the Moon

  69. This is beautiful and made me cry. My one son, 19 years old, has chosen not to speak to me anymore due to past hurts. I pray that God will heal us in His time.

  70. Reading this brings me to tears, yet gives me relief in knowing I am not alone in feeling sadness today. I am a young, married woman who Ia trying to start a family and it isn’t happening. Wishing my friends and family a Happy Mother’s Day today was especially hard, because this is something I want more than anything for my husband and I, and I am beginning to think it isn’t meant to be. Having a group of people who feel pain, guilt, anger , and resentment intermixed with appreciation and happiness today, makes holding back my tears mean something. Thank you for the well written message.

    • We are in the same boat and it SUCKS!!! 5 years so far. All my friends have kids, Today was just depressing. I totally get where you are coming from.

  71. Thank you so much for this. I lost my mother at the age of 16 and every Mother’s Day since then there is this emptines that nothing and no one can fill. Though I am now an adult with children of my own, my heart still aches on this day. I’ve always felt guilty for feeling such anguish while others are rejoicing and celebrating. I now realize I feel that way because my mother and I shared a closeness, an unbreakable bond, a love that can never be forgotten or replaced. I only hope to share the same love, closeness, and bond with my daughters. Thank you for letting me know it is okay not to be okay.

  72. This day has been extra hard! It’s such a beautiful thing to be a mother, but the pain will never ever amount to the pain of not being able to be a mommy! Not even the death of a child could compared simply because you’re missing what never will be. ???? Knowing damn well in your heart you would be one hell of a mom and going through life a woman, and knowing that you can’t acomplish what God simply made you to do. Seeing this made me feel better a bit. Knowing it’s not just me. So much hugs to all of the hurting strong women! ! ????????????

    • Beaute…you took the words right out of my mouth. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how much I’ve missed by not having children. Mothers day is even more difficult. Its hard hearing from my friends what a wonderful Mothers day they had. They don’t realize the pain I have in my heart. Hugs back at ya

    • Don’t you dare tell me that your pain of never bearing a child is more severe than mine. My daughter and only child was killed in a car accident 8 days before her 18th birthday.
      I would never disrespect your pain and suffering to proclaim that my pain is the greater -it’s pointless. An it’s horse-shit.

      • My son died in a car wreck he was 20 years old it was 11/22/2002 it was and still is so painful my joy is gone the person I was is gone to me there is no greater pain and if there is I hope and pray I never have to feel it

    • This post has obviously affected people very deeply. For all of you who are suffering today I am sincerely sorry and hope you all find comfort or relief from your pain. I did want to reply to one comment though, about your inability to conceive as being harder and more painful than having lost a child: I think we need to remember that everyone’s experience is unique to them and it’s all relative. However, it’s probably best not to compare emotions and experiences. Personally, I truly believe there is no greater pain on this earth than than the death of a child. I have seen the devastating effects it has on a family, and I know these women would trade anything to not feel that pain. Just wanted to say that out of respect for parents who have suffered this unspeakable tradegy.
      Love and light to all of you.

  73. Thank you, John. I really needed this today. Mother’s Day has been difficult since my mother passed almost 4 years ago. Also, I am a mother & stepmother to 3 adult kids but they barely acknowledge me on this day. So for me, this day is doubly painful and I look forward to the day when I can plan a wonderful day for myself instead of waiting for cards, flowers, brunches and phone calls that never come.

  74. These words probably saved me today.. Thank you for that.. I have two beautiful fully grown up children that I didn’t get to raise.. Each year does NOT get easier…

  75. It’s wonderful to see someone recognize us for our loss that is a struggle to deal with this time of year. My mother was my best friend, my hero, my role model, the light of my life.. she was my everything. My mom suffered greatly throughout her life, she struggled but always managed to keep her head above water. She fought so hard, and was so strong.. Even the strongest fighters don’t always win their battles though. My mom took her own life when I was 12 years old, as much as it devastated me I didn’t blame her for the choice she made. Struggling with a hereditary condition that affected her quality of life, mental disorders and life time traumas, I’m honestly grateful she fought for as long as she did. I now struggle with same disorder, along with depression and anxiety problems just like my mom. That life altering experience only helped me to grow stronger, but I still miss my mom everyday.. I will always wish she was still here with me, and I will always love her. This time of year is especially hard for me, because we were so close. It’s painful to see other people have that relationship with their mother, that I can’t have. It also reminds me of my future, and how she won’t be there. It is painful, even 11 years later, every year the same feelings still come around. Normally people avoid me on Mother’s Day, as they want to avoid creating an awkward situation, which I don’t mind as I like to spend this day secluded from most people. There are the few people though, that remember to acknowledge my pain, feelings and my mom and I always appreciate the kindness from them. So thank you, for taking a moment out of your day to think about me, and every other soul that is hurting from the loss of a mother. We all appreciate it <3

  76. My mother was never a mother. She abandoned me when i needed her the most for her own selfish needs. I can’t remember the last time either one of my parents told me they loved me. I don’t speak to my father anymore either.my only sibling passed away. Not just one bad parent but two. If I was raised differently I probably wouldn’t be drowning in this never ending circle of severe depression. To all the moms out there who put there kids first and there kids happiness first I have the upmost respect for you bc I’ll never know what that is.

    • Thank you for posting this. I was starting to think I was the only one with a crappy mom horrible stepdad and invisible biological father. People always tell me to be grateful for the things I DO have but that parent void is never filled. Today sucks and I’ve cried all day and I don’t even know why. I have a 3 year old son and I just make sure to do the opposite of whatever I was brought up with and hope he knows he comes first. Much love to you.

  77. For those who have mothers should be thankful, because I never new my birth mother, so when ever this
    Day comes make me feel like crying.

  78. My Youngest came and apologized for not “giving me a better Mother’s day” I told him that, No, but it was I who was sorry that I never had someone in my life who saw me as special enough to show him how important Mothers day was, or how special their mom was; that them not understanding how important mothers day was not their fault. I do not believe in self-promoting a holiday that I am the beneficiary of. I do not celebrate, nor promote, my own birthday either, but I do try to make theirs special. If my child sends a text, or simple says “Happy Mothers day” or Happy birthday” in person to me, than that is all I need.

  79. I’m commenting for a third party friend that shared this page. I understand loss and grief but i do not find this article appropriate for the woman who chose drugs and alcohol over her child. The woman that chooses to drink and sleep around instead of seeing or supporting her child in any way but chooses to grieve as if there was an uncontrollable loss. Happy mother’s day to the woman that stepped up to take care of the child you chose and continue to choose to neglect and abandon.

    • The woman that chooses drugs and alcohol has a past that made them choose that way. Also, it is an addiction and a disease. I wish it wasn’t because then I would still have a mother. But I also understand her reasoning on why she was who she was. I still love her no matter what her choices were. It took time and adulthood to see that

    • If this article helped anyone/ any mother, then it was appropriate. Suffering isn’t necessarily redemption! You have no idea why anyone became an addict or an unavailable mom. As someone who was separated from an unavailable mom as a baby and raised by an intentionally cruel and abusive stepparent, even in all my loss and emotionally disabled life, I would want my mother to feel relief and solace on Mother’s Day. Losing her children damaged her more than any of the trauma that caused her to be unavailable. Have some heart.

  80. Thank you for a validating article.

    I lost my mother, my mother-in-law, and my last aunt all within the last 2 years. I also have no children of my own (52yo), siblings (or nieces/nephews, of course).

    I have no mother or mother figures. Nor am i a mother. It’s an indescribable existential void that nobody grasps.

    Your acknowledgement of all of these “losses” and grief is very comforting.

    Babs

    • Just wanted you to know that I am a 62 year old only child. I have no children and I loss my mom, grandmother, and aunts with in a 10 year period. I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

  81. I am so glad I stumbled upon this! Thank you so much for taking the time to show your concern and compassion for those of us hurting on this day. I have struggled all day long with feeling like I’m wrong for hurting. I’m a mother right? We can’t cry. We can’t hurt. But we can and we do and I am so grateful to have read this! God bless you! And I hope something amazing happens for you!!

  82. The loss and the hurt are impossible to explain so many years ago I finally stopped trying. Going through – and not around – those very real feelings helps. The knowledge that it’s not uncommon doesn’t make me feel good for those hurting, but gives me a comfort that it’s okay. Your words touched me. Thank you.

  83. This is so true….I lost my mom a little over a year ago. It was so hard seeing everyone else with there mothers and taking pictures…. I use to do that and now shes gone….I miss her so very much….

  84. My mom left me in 1982 June. And I don’t know how tomove on from that my Heart Hurts sooooooo Much I Still cry at anything and everything ..

  85. Thank you for the beautiful words! Six years ago my husband of 48 years, went to our oldest sons home to help them with their roofing. that night I had a dream that he had gone upon the roof and fell off. All that next day I kept thinking I should call him and ask him not to go up the ladder but I kept thinking he promised he wouldnt. That afternoon I got the phone call to go to the hospital. He was later life-lined to another hospital where he was on life support. He had broken his neck at first and second vertibrea ……..The next day he was taken off the life support.
    Your words give me comfort , thank you

  86. Thank you for writing something so powerful. Today was bittersweet for me. I have the love of all my children, the best feeling on earth. Yet I mourn the loss of what never was. Thank you for giving me the words I needed to read to give myself permission to feel the grief and pain. You’ve helped me realize I feel it because of the love in my heart. I may have cried tears of sadness today, but I will remember the ones I shed in happiness. Knowing what it means to Love as a real Mom does. The only way I know how. With everything I’ve got.

    • This was such a meaningful blog to me. This is my first Mother’s Day without my daughter, my only child. Brianna was 19 and a reckless driver took her life on Dec. 19,2014. She was my best friend and my daughter. I woke up today praying the day was over before it even started. My feelings are so raw that any emotions that touch them will send me into a tail spin. I have to just hold on to the Father’s hand or I know I won’t make it through this. For any of you who would like to share your story you can go on a website that we put together for our daughter… http://www.briannacassidy.com, but it is also for those who would like to remember their loved ones too. Thank you for understanding. Blessings

  87. Thank you so much for the kind words. It is absolutely beautiful and honest. Your unjudgemental words comfort me especially this time. I can cry and hurt knowing it’s okay to own up to it. Thank you

  88. Thank U, this gives me hope. I have several children of the heart and I love them all dearly, but my only birth child left for his heavenly home six months ago very suddenly. I couldn’t even get a flight out in time to say good-bye. I have had to grieve before ( my grandparents, my parents, my aunt with whom I lived, first cousins, all my mother’s siblings and very close friends), but this is still unbelievable and raw. I know I have to break before I can heal and last evening was rough; however, this writing has given me insight of what I must do. Thank you for pointing me to this Leah.

  89. Thank you for such eloquent words!! So many years have gone by where these words would have helped; even if just a little bit.

  90. I lost my mom in 2009. I try to put on a good front and be happy on Mother’s Day for my boys but it doesn’t always work. Thank you for letting me feel my pain, cry a few tears and know that it’s ok to have those moments for myself.

  91. Thank you so much. I am the mother of three living children. One I have full custody of and she lives with me every day. However, my two oldest were kidnapped four years ago by their father. I have not seen or heard from them since. This day is always very bittersweet for me, mostly bitter. I always feel so guilty for being consumed with anger and tears on this day because I do have my youngest. While I do not go out to church or lunch on this day because I just can’t handle it emotionally, I do acknowledge the day and home with my youngest daughter who is with me. I make a point to appreciate her every single day, not just this one. Somehow it just really teaches you to treasure every second of the day with your child when you have others missing. However, my youngest does not and cannot take the place of my two oldest. I hurt immensely every single day for them. My chest physically hurts from the void. This day makes it worst because all I can think about in the moments my youngest is not standing in front of me is that my ex robbed me of a relationship with my two oldest. I wonder what they look like now, they are both teens now. I wonder if my sons voice has changed. I wonder if my daughter has gone through the womanly changes in life. I wonder what their friends names are and do they have crushes on someone. I wonder what they like to do. I wonder if they doing well in school. Do they play any sports? I wonder if they are safe, has he hurt them in any way? I wonder what they have been told or think as to why Mom is not around. Do they think I abandoned them or do they know their Dad has kidnapped them? This day is very difficult for me. I do feel very alone. It feels like no one could possible understand this kind of loss and pain. I know that is not true though. Others have lost also. So my prayers go out to the other Mother’s who feel like they aren’t real mothers due to loss. I pray for peace and comfort to others that hide behind the smile and tuff exterior because they can’t afford to fall apart like I can’t. I have a beautiful younger daughter who needs me to be sane and functioning. I have yet to figure out how to make it hurt less. Time does not seem to heal these kinds of wounds. I do focus as much as I can on my littlest child’s smile and making sure she has the best mom and one that she never doubts loves her. That’s the only thing I know to do. To others hurting, I am crying with you also. I am hurting with you. I am trying to breath too.

  92. My sister and I lost our mother a few years ag and we miss her so much. People say it gets better as time goes on…when will it happen for us?

  93. I have been trying to act calm and together all day. I have no living children I just can not seem to carry to term. 5 days ago I had to bear being told over the phone that I have miscarried again for the 4th time. I was on my way out the door for a family get together and I was hoping to be able to spill the beans to everyone, instead I had to sit there trying not to cry. My grandparents, I love them ever so much, would have told me straight out it was my fault and that if I really wanted it to stop trying till god is ready for me. So I just kept quiet and tried my hardest not to cry. Now today not one person who knows what I am going through has even said Happy Mother’s day to me and my husband leaves me all alone to go run his friend to his ‘friends’ house. Ugh. Thank you for telling me it is alright to feel how I do I truly needed that for I have been pulling myself apart all day.

  94. Thank you. Mother’s Day is hard. I’ve had three miscarriages and everywhere I go people wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. They mean well but it hurts like hell–especially with my mom gone.

  95. My dearest boyfriend found this article for me, knowing the pain and anguish I’ve been going through as mother’s day approached and finally arrived. My beloved mother, best friend, and co-conspirator slipped away quietly in the night 8-29-14. This was our first mother’s day without her. All of the other holidays and birthdays experienced since then did not have nearly the pain and agony and anguish and sense of loss as this day has had. My chronic migraines have tripled, and my depression returned with a vengeance. It was almost like we had just buried her again. But this is supposed to be a day to honor her. My sister, brother, and I have not been able to visit her grave, mostly because we believe she is not there. My sister and I were going to go today, but appropriately enough it’s been pouring all day. I just miss her more than I can breathe.

  96. Reblogged this on Sober Courage and commented:
    I though of writing somthing about how I felt today on this mother’s day, but honestly, I had a hard time finding the words, really. There has been many emotions wriling around in my heart today. Everything from sadness to anger with a big dash of selfpity. I miss my mom’s, both my biological mom and my step mom, who was my mom most of my life.

    But I found this article here, very comforting. If you’re struggling today too, I hope you also find some comfort in it.

  97. I lost my mom almost 4 years ago to lung cancer and we were really close. I miss her every day but mothers days is one of the hardest. I have a 10 year old son that means everything to me and I try every day to be the kind of mother my mom was. We were so close and people say it gets easier with time but it doesn’t.

  98. Mother’s Day is a tough day. The sadness of watching your adult child suffer the ravages of mental illness and being unable to keep her safe or take care of her anymore. The guilt of not being able to handle the stress and choosing to survive and work… I beat cancer, but I couldn’t make your life better. I miss who you were and I am doing my best… It is never enough… I am so sorry that the mental health system is so broken and that you are at the mercy of stupidity and that your mamma wasn’t stronger or blessed with the means to provide you with the assistance you so deserve. My love is always with you…

    • Oh, how I understand. When your child is mentally ill, there is no respite. So much grief, in losing the child you had to the disease. My heart goes out to you.

  99. Thank you for that….my only son passed away two and a half years….I was a single parent….its a very difficult day….as many are…spent the day with good friends who knew I needed to be around people….but it still hurts….thank you for saying what most people don’t…God bless you

  100. My heart has been heavy all day,then I read this.
    Thank you a million times over.
    You just gave me such a wonderful gift.
    Bless you.

  101. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Just a week ago, my grandmother passed away and 2 days ago was her funeral….both of my grandmothers are gone now, and I was so close to both of them. My heart aches for those who have lost their mothers or have broken relationships with them. May our Father in heaven give them the peace and the strength to get through this day (and all others). <3

  102. My heart ached all day for my beloved mother, she was killed in a car accident on her b-day, June 8th, 2003, just ten months after my daddy had died of an illness, they were married over 50 yrs. & my mom never had a birthday w/ out my dad. But today Mother’s Day was bittersweet for other mothers, like my little sister that lost her only son at 25 of an illness and my niece that lost her mother at a very young age, she is also having a hard time today she isn’t even married yet and her mom was a single parent. My heart aches for them too and for all the mothers here that have broken hearts. God Bless you all and remember we will see our beloved mothers and loved ones again at heaven. Godspeed

  103. I had a still born 24 yrs ago and numerous miscarriages And finally a hysterectomy so I have never heard the words ‘Mummy’ said to me. Today is confusing and yes it hurts.
    thank you for this

  104. I want to thank my friend Al Ingram what posting this on my facebook.
    Today was a very hard day for me because 5 months ago tomorrow I lost my oldest son. It is very difficult facing the “firsts” of the holidays or birthdays without my boy, but I know that he is looking over his little brothers and me daily. I love you Glenn, breathe easy my bubba boo.
    I lost my mother 10 and a half years ago. I do not cry tears of pain for my mother anymore, the tears I cry now are for the loss of my boy. I did pretty good today due to my other two sons and a few of my “extra kids”. They are who keep me going, I love you Tyler and Spencer.

    • I, too, lost my teenaged son 5 months ago to cancer. I miss him terribly. Yesterday was difficult. I managed to smile and only cried once, but his absence was felt. He was my oldest, and my other little ones helped to make the day special. But Mother’s Day will never be the same… There’s certainly not only and empty chair at the table, but an emptiness in my heart…

  105. All the tears that I had hidden today I finally let out wqhen I read this. I haven’t had my kids in over 3 years, taken from my CPS, and every year around this time, I avoid it all. I avoid the happiness, I avoid e3veryone talking about how great it is to have their kids make them something because I never got anything. Its nice to have a person write how we feel today. It’s amazing to know that my feelings are validated on this mothers day, and im happy to know that it is okay to feel this way, that it is okay to shed tears over the fact that I am not going to get handmade cards and I love you’s.

  106. I appericate the words I’ve read here. I lost my mom in may of 2013 and miss her so much. But today was especially hard. Waiting to tell my mom happy mothers day and not being able to. Everyone around me was calling their moms and I couldn’t. Thank you for caring enough to put these kind word out there.

  107. I keep thinking at 56 I should be stronger than the strong I was in my 20’s. The girl who moved to Chicago by herself before cell phones or GPS. The one who got her heart broken into a million pieces and instead focused on her work in the 80’s & 90’s…maybe as an escape until the man I married came along in my mid thirties.
    But nothing brings tears to my eyes or calms the stabbing pain in my heart to know I will never ever have little arms around my neck calling me Mommy nor I will ever put my own child to bed at night. The pain of waiting too long & going through Fertility treatment is only topped by going through Menopause with the FINAL stamped on that door marked EXIT OF NO RETURN.
    See I was kinda sorta keeping that hope alive during that mid forties time. After 9/11 my company sold & the insurance changed to drop & not cover Fertility at midnight on Dec 31, 2001. Our last IUI was on Dec 29th on a beautiful Dec morning so full of hope & prayers that even our Fertility Dr had tears in his eyes. Complications arose w/ a cyst in an ovary from the hormone shot to mature the follicle that was there. I was not a candidate for invitro w/o a donor egg and w/o the fertility coverage we could not pay for out of pocket even with 2 salaries.
    So…one would think now 14 years later I’d be at peace. Our marriage fell apart some 6 mos later and a divorce decree a year later only added to my grief when my exhusband of 11 mos died of a massive heart attack in his 40’s. So some have said to me “well then it all happened as it was supposed to or how hard that would have been on you if you had a young child.” I reject that because I know in my heart that companies that do not cover fertility or take it away in a corporate takeover when one is in the midst of treatment are the ones who are wrong. Our Dr felt certain it would only take 3-4 IUI’s as my hormone levels were good and my husband had perfect “specimens.”
    So I again focused on my old friend called a career / work and my nephews & neice. I focused on my own Mother on Mothers Day and made it all about her. She understood…she cried with me more times than I could count. Just one baby….just one…when so many peoole don’t even want theirs. But it was not to be and I try to be very brave every single day now even when I am constantly asked if I have children & even once if I had grandchildren. That was a new one, so much to look forward to.
    My dear Mother is 89 now w/ vascular dementia and my Dad has passed and my brother too. It seems like life is filled with both loss and joy. But I am blessed with wonderful memories of my mother whose faith has never wavered even once SO with that one greatest gift of many she & my Dad instilled in me…I know I will make it through this life. While sad…it does help to know that there are others like us out there. I am praying tonight that God will give comfort & peace to those who seek Him. One day all tears will be wiped away of that I have complete hope & faith in.

    Thank you ♡♡♡

  108. I grieve today not only for my mother but as a mother. I lost my son on Palm Sunday unexpectedly. I haven’t started brievement yet but plan to this wk. I feel so much loss right now it’s undescribeable. I just want to curl up an die myself.

    • Bless you, dear Esther. When I lost my son, my husband and I attended a grief retreat from Spark of Life. The retreats are 3 days of support, comfort, pampering, and helping you work through your grief. Totally free ( it is paid for by others who support the organization). It helped me breathe again. I highly recommend it! http://www.sparkoflife.org

  109. Mother’s day has always been hard. My mom took off when I was 2. To Add insult to injury, my husband and I have been trying to have a child for the past 5 years and this week lost our first baby at just 4 weeks. THANK you for giving a voice to feelings i didn’t know how to voice.

  110. This was awesome! My first and every Mothers Day has been bitter sweet. My mom lost her battle with cancer in July of 06 and in March of 07 I became a mom. I have been “forced” to be happy on Mothers day as no one wants a Debbie downer. This year though I was able to stay in my pj’s and not have to celebrate with anyone except my Lil guy who is very patient and caring when he knows you are not happy.

  111. I seem to have a 50/50 chance on this holiday of how I am going to respond. Sometimes I’m okay. Sometimes I’m not. I lost my mother 10 years ago. It seems like it was yesterday… Every day. I have two beautiful, healthy, wonderful children, but my heart still hurts for my mother. So every year I have severe anxiety… Am I going to cry all day at the thought of not having her? Am I going to suck it up all day until I can get in the shower tonight so no one knows I’m crying? I am truly blessed with my amazing children… But it just goes to show… Sometimes you just need your mama.

  112. Thank you for this. I was angry most of the day, mainly because my church did a celebratory mothers’ day thing with gifts and even a sermon about mothers. All I could do was sit there and hold back the tears and anger. I don’t like Mother’s Day because I’ve lost so many children to miscarriage and then lost my womb to cancer and I will never be a mother. I tried to pick a fight with my fiance today, too. I tried everything I could to deny myself until I finally collapsed into tears and told my fiance how much I hate this day. It’s conflicting too because I appreciate my mother and all the other mothers and they deserve their day. I can’t ask them to consider me, it is selfish and makes no sense, but I can’t deny the feelings this day brings either.

  113. thank you for this, I lost a son in 2005 and then just last june lost my oldest son. This the first mothers day without another son AGAIN. I Hurt terribly. my heart is broken. I try very hard to be a positive person and manage to get thru each day with Gods Grace, but some days are just too hard. This being one of them. So I Will cry and let the tears flow for the loss of two sons. Thank You again for this.

    • Bless you, dear Millie. When I lost my son, my husband and I attended a grief retreat from Spark of Life. The retreats are 3 days of support, comfort, pampering, and helping you work through your grief. Totally free ( it is paid for by others who support the organization). It helped me breathe again. I highly recommend it! http://www.sparkoflife.org

  114. Thank you for sharing. Today was a very difficult day. First Mother’s Day without my oldest daughter and last year’s Mother’s Day was the last family gathering before she passed. Had very mixed emotions. But at least I was with some of my other children and got to spend it with all three of my grandchildren, they are such a blessing.
    I know in my heart Brandie was with me as well. My heart goes out to all of you!

  115. I feel sad on Mother’s day because my son, who is 20, has severe autism. I look at all the moms I know with “typical” kids and I am jealous. I know what I’m feeling is wrong, and I love my son very much, but some days I just wish he could be independent like the grown children of the people I know.

  116. Thank you for this. The best present I received today. Have been missing my Mother all day. She sadly left this world 8 years ago. My oldest son chose only to send me a text saying Happy Mother’s Day, and we live in the same town. Very emotional day for me. After reading these words, I knew all the feelings and emotions were not only okay, but excepted!! Thank you again.

  117. Thank-you for posting this. Thank-you for saying what I have been feeling all day.
    I hate Mother’s Day with a passion.
    On Mother’s Day, 1980, our baby girl was stillborn. May 11th (yes, tomorrow) she would have been 35 years old…I never think about her “birth” day, really, she was stillborn on Mother’s Day.
    At the time, I remember thinking, how “ironic” that my child should be born dead…on a day that the world is celebrating motherhood.
    Serena Christine would be 35 years old, tomorrow…for 35 years, I have looked at an empty chair at the table, had an empty “spot” in the family pictures, my arms have ached and my heart has hurt, for 35 years, most of all, I remember like yesterday, the silence after delivery…no cries, no sound…just silence.
    I feel a huge guilt for never being able to really celebrate Mother’s Day for our other three daughters.
    They grew up in a home where, instead of breakfast in bed or a special card made “just for you”, their mommy cried…they stayed away because they didn’t know how to make me happy, then, as they grew, they walked on “egg shells”, there was no mention of Mother’s Day, for me, that was better, for them, I don’t know what it has done to them, they don’t call me on Mother’s Day, because frankly, I don’t think they know what to say.
    My surviving daughters always knew it has always been a day of tears, a day where there mom wants to think about the one they couldn’t “replace”.
    Today, my oldest daughter hates me. She won’t let me see our grandchildren and has, for the most part, turned them against me.
    My own mother, due to my political beliefs thinks I should be shot dead…needless to say, I don’t have a relationship with her, either…well, very little…and the relationship we do have is “stressed”.

  118. My daughter, Rochelle, died May 10, so that date is always a little tough, it intensifies for me when Mothers Day falls on that date. It was 39 years ago today 6 weeks before her 4th birthday. I have 4 other children all grown with kids of their own, and I try to concentrate on them, but it still hurts a lot on May 10th every year, and on her birthday. Thanks for this blog.

  119. I’m a walking poster-child for mommy/daddy issues. My mother was neglectful, verbally and physically abusive, and a drug addict. I have exactly 5 good memories of her, the rest range on a scale from “things that will disgust me so much I’m physically ill” to “I just felt my heart break for that little girl”. Because she treated me like I was less than nothing to her, I kept trying to earn her love. When she was taken to court by my father she told the judge that she didn’t want me anymore, she didn’t care. Enter the start of abandonment issues. My stepmother and I could never see eye to eye with each other and therefore have, to this day, absolutely no communication with each other. This has even encouraged a rift between my father and myself, explaining my strong dislike for Father’s Day as well. My ex-husband and I divorced because we found out that I may not be able to have children. Two years after my divorce I was in a solid relationship with a very good man. We didn’t know that we were pregnant until I miscarried. His callous remark of, “I didn’t want kids anyway,” still haunts me today. Time has gone by since and I was blessed enough to reconnect with my college sweetheart. We’re a happy couple now, live together, and it’s looking like he’s going to be popping the question in the not-so-far future. All of our couple/married friends have children and he sees the look on my face when I get to hold our nephew. I pray every day and night that we can have this one miracle. Every Mother’s Day is a painful reminder that I neither have a mother nor is it looking like I will ever be one myself and every year it gets harder and harder to remind myself that I am a good person and that I am loved. Thank you for this article. For a while there, I really did feel alone.

  120. I always have such a hard time on mothers day. I was never able to have children because of a severe heart problem.from birth. I get both angry and sad..more sad though..I would of been a great mother and its not fair!..I’ll never know what it feels like to have a baby moving inside me, growing,.hearing my voice and never will a child call me mommy or have my looks. I love my mom.very much and wish I had a child to pass along my story..I’m glad this day is almost over..:( until.next.yrs tears..

  121. I needed this badly. Every Mother’s Day is hard for me. My birth mother and I don’t have a relationship because she is incapable of being a mother. That is a relationship that has truly damaged me. I cannot have my own children because I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 18 and had both ovaries removed. So being 30 I sit here and watch all of the people in my life who have been able to create their own families with an intense amount of jealousy and envy for something I will never be able to experience.

    This is a hard day for me…reading this made me feel a little better. Thank you.

  122. I always wanted to be a mom, but God had other plans for me and my husband. Now I get to be the “best Aunt ever.” Sometimes, it just isn’t enough. Reading this gave me permission to feel what I hide behind. Thank you.

  123. Thank you so much, this is my first mother’s day without my 14 year old son, Darren, who died in June. Do you mind if I share this with my group, Parents who are grieving the loss of a child and a secular group for people who do not believe? It is so hard to find writings about grief without mention of a God. Someone posted this on my wall and it made me smile, thanks from mothers who are grieving on this day.

  124. Mother’s day has been difficult for me when Mother passed away Jan. 1988 at the age of 56 yrs. Also since 1992, I was told I couldn’t have children, due to a medical situation. My husband is my Rock. He’s helped get through the emotions I feel on Mother’s day. I’ve mourned my mother’s passing, and I accepted my own loss of never having children of our own. God made me to love & take care of my nieces & nephews and now their children. God has deeply blessed us with 16 children to love and cherish . They know we are here for them. That makes it all worth it !! Yes, there are times I cry, knowing I’ll never be called Mom or Gramma. But being called Aunt & Uncle is truly a great feeling too. Thank you for this article.

  125. Thanks for this awesome but heartbreaking article! I am the mother in this article…..the one with her Mom in heaven and three children that won’t even acknowledge her due to the poisoning of their minds by their father against me! Years of tears each Mother’s Day!! I have never felt so lonely in my life!! As I read about all the good times and celebrations of others on my Facebook here….my heart breaks!!

  126. When i was fairly young, my mom moved out of state with a man i am now proud to call my step-dad. At the time i was not told the truth about why this happened all i knew for certain was i hurt because i couldnt understand why my mom would want to leave and not be with me anymore. For about 8 years i held a grudge and wanted nothing to do with her and even denied that i had a mom. This was until one day my grandma and aunt (her sister) started telling me the truth about the whole ordeal and why she did what shr did. She was scared. Scared for herself and her kids. It was the only way she saw that she could protect us. I felt so fulish for my actions and hating her like i did for so many years. I did what i could to make things right with her. I reached out to her and apologigezed to her for my actions. I wanted to see her more than anything. However, she was several states away and i had no way to do so. About after a week of reaching out to her i find out that her medical conditions had gotten really bad and she was dying. I pleaded with her to let me come see her but she refused. She refused because she did not want me to see her in her worsening condition. She passed away and yet i feel i never got the chance to say goodbye to my beloved mom. Everyday especially on holidays when i know i cant call her or go see her i think back to all thoes selfishly wasted years of pointless hatred to her for all the wrong reasons, i constantly wonder what i could of done better. Something i should of known or even done. Day after day i feel guilty for my actions knowing that she never for a second stopped loving me or wanting to be with me. So now especially on holidays i hurt for the mom that was always there for me from a distance but i didnt know and now that i know i mush love and mourn for her from a distance for she is no longer here….

    • I also feel guilty for all the years of pain i caused her on holidays when i should of been there for her but was not and she mourned for the love and care that she truly deserved to have all along…
      Rest in peace mom, ill always love you

  127. Wow! This is such a touching post. I have a friend whose mother died a month ago, so this is the very first mothers day without their mom. My heart so breaks for her and I know how she feels because although my mother has been gone for a long while now, it’s been only the past 2 years that I have not cried, missing her so much. So I know about this. Not only that but I feel for mothers whose children break their hearts over and over again, watching as their son or daughter is destroying themselves. So no mothers day can be bittersweet. This has been the first mothers day for me that I have not cried. I must have grieved out. LOL! Thanks so much for writing such a caring post.

  128. Thank you so much for this. Every year today is a day of alienation as I have never had a loving relationship with my mother. For those of us abused as children, we mourn in silence today – we don’t want to take away the joy of celebration that others are experiencing Yet we long for the unrequited love we see everywhere.

  129. Wow, this was so beautiful to read. I lost my mom almost 15 years ago. She was only 55. I never got to say goodbye. I lost my beloved grandma, who was there for me when my mom wasn’t, in 2006 and her mom in 1998. All of my moms are dead. It sucks. It hurts. Your own identity becomes a question mark – am I not a daughter, granddaughter anymore? I miss them all so much and I’ve had to go through so much without them – marriage, divorce, addiction, depression. My friends wonder “how do you do it? I couldn’t imagine….” No, you can’t imagine until it happens to you. I hate the media saturation of Mother’s Day. It is bittersweet and bitter and shitty.My boyfriend knows the same pain. We understand that part of each other. It is a small comfort, but I grieve for him, too. Thank you for this raw, honest and extremely compassionate blog post. Bless you. xoxo

  130. If your parents were not healthy loving people, determine to find a healthy spouse and be thankful. Many of us who had wonderful parents find ourselves in sick marriages. Life seems to be a puzzle of pain and happiness, we have to make the pieces fit To redeem our lives.

  131. I lost my mom 18 days ago. Cancer took her away. She didn’t know she had it until January. An in-operable tumor the size of a plum pressed on her stomach and intestines making it impossible for her to digest food properly. She eventually died of malnutrition. I was able to stay home with her and after four months of awful days of nausea and pain and tears, she passed quietly in her own bed with me and my husband and pastor at her side. A few weeks prior, she was able to see her family, her sister, both her daughters and their husbands, plus many friends and other relatives, but she was deprived of many more years of good life because of the disease. Thank you for putting my day and feelings into words. I did cry most of the day, and at first felt badly because I thought I should have celebrated Mother’s Day, but in fact, who could celebrate such a sad time. Tears were, perhaps, the much more true form of recognition of the love I shared with my mom. I would be kidding myself to just pretend I’m done grieving. It will take a long time. She was a very special, giving person and always had my back. It’s hard to know how to go on without her, but I know she would want me to, and to be happy. Maybe next year, I will find another way to celebrate my Mother’s Day, but for now, I choose tears. Signed, In Mourning

    • Ms Coyote.the waning hours of Mother’s Day is upon us,and we reflect through a day with Family and Friends. But for some , it means a Day Without Mother< and our TEARS coupled with memories and celebration and "LEGACIES" left behind to maintain. Sad ? Of coarse ! But "PUIRPOSE" to carry on for sure !!! Happy Mother's Day Mom !!!

    • My condolences to you and your family. Cancer is a horrible disease to suffer through and trust that even now, she will always have your back. My prayers are with you.

    • You have sent shivers down my spine.
      This is my story this is my past 4months this was my mother. Oh how I feel your pain all I want to do is ring mum and tell her when she asks “how are you lovey” instead of my normal response “good thanks mum” I want to tell her I’m not ok and I miss her and need her more than ever right now because I’m hurting and she always made things better.
      Mum passed 18th April at home with us kids after a quick battle with cygnet cell cancer of the bladder and abdominal wall. XXXX
      Love and peace to you and your family

    • Sending love to you. I’m glad you are honouring your tears. My mum died 18 years ago. I still miss her but it has become less painful. Remember love never dies. X

  132. Reblogged this on Freedom to Be! and commented:
    There are so many of us who do not have a situation to celebrate on Mother’s Day. Whatever the reason is that you are not able to celebrate Mother’s day, I hope that you were able to take care of yourself. I live with hopefulness for a better future!

    “For many moms and adult children out there, this day is a stark unsolicited reminder of what was but no longer is, or it is a heavy holiday of mourning what never was at all.”

  133. My mother bailed when I was 5. She left me and my sister but took our older half-sister and left with another man. Now, they tell me my mother is dying (again) and want contact I am supposed to feel guilt for this poor dying woman. The one they also told me was dying 5yrs ago. Where is her guilt for leaving? I have some pretty bad memories of her that I’m sure she thinks I’ve forgotten and has no idea what her selfishness did to my feelings of worth. How many times ive tried to end my suffering. So no. I will finally protect myself and let my silence be the reminder of who she was when it mattered most, not who she pretends to be now.

    • You have the right to feel that way. Being honest about your feelings is freedom from your emotions. I’m sorry for what you has to endure. No child should be abandoned and left alone to be scared everyday. She was supposed to be there for you, to comfort you and let you know everything was going to be okay even though sometimes it’s not. It’s not fair. I hope one day you can forgive her. That will free you from that anger you have towards your mom. No one is perfect. And from what you wrote, I know you will be a way better mother. If you decide to have children. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. It’s nice to see raw emotions.

    • I’m sorry for your pain. I am a mother that abandoned 2 children at different times. The guilt is overwhelming and never goes away. I thank God He saved me. Now I pray they will be saved so We Can be reunited in heaven one day, The greatest thing you can ever do in your lifetime will be to forgive her. That will be where you are set free. God bless you.

    • I so Can relate!!!. I have NO contact whatsoever with MY So called Mother!!!! But I have broken the cycle of dysfunction with MY Children… & am Comforted in the Fact that not everyone is Meant To wear the title of Mother….I Forgive her, But Cannot allow that Negativity, to invade MY Positivity!….

    • Be the women your mother is not. Go and forgive her so that you will always have the inner peace. God tells us in the bible to forgive so that we can be forgiven as well. I know how you feel…. It does not mean that you need to continue to see her. But you will feel such a huge relief and peace afterwards.

    • forgive her and move on. Forgiveness is for you not for her it is a gift you give yourself. you never have to forget but forgive.
      Not a lecture just a suggestion from a caring individual who let a lot of resentments steal the better part of my adult life. It will eat your soul and hasn’t she and those feelings caused enough already so forgive and you will be free to go forward with your life and leave the past where it belongs behind you.

    • I am so very sorry for your suffering and great sense of loss. Being the mother of an estranged daughter, I can tell you that at least in my situation, there are so many unanswered questions, so much pain, so much anguish. I have apologized for everything–despite that it is of course, not all my fault that the relationship was severed. While it might not make a difference, I would encourage you to give it one more shot–perhaps your mother has changed. Perhaps she is remorseful. If you can try to reach out one more time, you might be surprised. If things are the same, then you will leave knowing that you did all you could and that the estrangement is all on her now.

    • Quote;
      I have some pretty bad memories of her that I’m sure she thinks I’ve forgotten and has no idea what her selfishness did to my feelings of worth. How many times ive tried to end my suffering.

      I know this too well. My Mother was abandoned by my Grandmother as a child, and my Mom grew up feeling a serious lack of self worth and she also felt unworthy of true love. I loved her with all of my heart and soul. I watched her take her last breath June 21, 2013. She was everything to me, and I just hope that she knew that I loved her more than anything else in this world. I pray for you, and hope you find the peace you deserve. <3
      Robbie Love
      #LoveSessionWithRobbieLove

  134. I have waited until I couldnt wait anymore. It came out of nowhere; my tears. The heartache that was once was joy still lingers. My heart will always be empty, still looking for them.

    Thank you.

  135. Today was a hard day for Because I lost my baby Drew Taylor 2 years ago on April 22, 2013. it’s heartbreaking when I have to remember that I don’t have a little one to hand me homemade card or to grace me with their precious presence. I couldn’t cry today until I read this. Thank you so much for thearly beautiful words. ????????❤????????

    • May God constantly give you comfort when you are hurting.. and when you cry, May HE constantly take hold of your tears..

    • I too just lost my mom. I have also lost my dad and my son….I often ask myself Why me Lord? I’m constantly crying for one or all three. How can I cope? I just want to give up because my heart cannot take anymore.

    • My heart is with you Angel. There are no words to describe the heartbreak of losing a child. I also lost my soon 8 years ago. I refuse to celebrate Mother s Day. From one mother to another whose been there. I truly believe they are with us every day of our lives. ????????????????

  136. Thank you all!! I needed this.. Reading everyones thoughts…. I am a mother but lost my mother when i was 23 n my father when i was 18.. I am still so confused about mothers day.. My 2 girls try every year and its wonderful but on inside i feel numb when it comes to mothers day.. Its very confusing trying to put this into words. Just thank you for every post.

  137. Thank you. I needed this. On a day that made feel so alone, I’m grateful someone posted this on Facebook. I lost my mom late last year. She’s still alive. She won’t pick up the phone, she doesn’t want to talk to me, she won’t reply to my texts. I live in another country and she’s all I had left. The pain and the grief no one understands makes me feel guilty and ridiculous. What hurts the most is that she decided not to talk to me anymore because I wasn’t being paid at my job for months… I always thought a mother’s love was unconditional, I guess not. Your post allowed me to cry, to release all those tears eroding my soul.

  138. Is there anybody else like me? A woman past her child-bearing years, infertile not by choice. My whole life all I ever wanted, all I prayed for was a child to love, to protect, to watch grow into an adult. Now it’s far too late.

    As I read your stories, my heart breaks for you. Grief swells within me. I would have loved & protected you.

    Is there any other woman like me?

    • Dear Mother of None. I, too, was unable to have children, but unlike you, i really wasn’t interested. Today, I am blessed with two beautiful young women. One calls me Mom. I am filling in for her late mother, who was once my dear neighbor and friend. I will be mom of the bride this year. The second calls me mom 2. She is the step-daughter of my late best friend. I am very blessed with and so very proud of these two women. My family keeps growing and I thank Jehovah God for them. There are so many young women who still need love and friendship. Open to them and reach out. The woman who ‘adopted’ me is a dear friend, mentor, and great traveling companion. She’s introduced me to opera and we go to the theatre, ballet, and local concerts. Years ago, I was given a large cart of lemons, and I’m still making lemonade from them. Don’t mourn what cannot be changed. Look for opportunities to make a positive change. Brightest blessings to you.

    • There are a lot like you. I was one, then by God’s grace I had two live children with three angels. Know that there are a lot that share your grief, including me, I still grieve for more children or for the one’s that can’t have any.

    • I too am not able to have children. I married later in life and then found out 3 days before my wedding that I had cancer. Radiation took away any chance of having a child. Mother’s day is a tough one. But many other days are hard to when I see mom’s with their kids playing, shopping, etc. Knowing that I will never hear a little one call me mom. What’s even harder is not being able to talk about with those that understand. I hear your heart and pain. I feel it and cry with you. If you want to send me an email…cfnelson3@juno.com feel free!

    • No, you are not alone… but I think of all the women like us who can not have children, god did not forget us like sometimes I think he did. I just think he has other plans for us our next time around. I believe our children were just not ready to be born….yet. 🙂

    • I am sorry you didn’t experience motherhood by having your own children. I do know from my own experience of God bringing women to me ,teens and older who never had moms , i had have the pleasure to be a mom like figure to them . And they call me ma. God will send you this into your life . be open and i pray in Jesus name , He blesses you with a miracle baby – that your life of praise to him believing without doubt as you thank him with the reality the baby is coming – you will see . Your prayers and my prayers for you will be answered

    • I can’t feel your pain, however, there are so many children in this world without a parent to love them who can! Have you ever considered Adoption! It is NEVER to late to love any child…and remember the love and happiness you will be given in return! Perhaps God’s plan is just alittle different than you thought. GOD Bless you ♡♡♡♡♡

    • I am not yet past my child bearing years, but I know that I will never have a child of my own. My arms ache to hold a child that was created by my husband and I. Mother’s Day is a of torture for me. I try to celebrate because my Mom is still here, but it is just going through the moitions. It is a relief to know I am not alone, and not have pretend that I am ok.

    • Yes there are women like you. I am one. I always wanted o be a Mom. I was married to someone who was infertile and we could never have children. I told myself that God wanted me to put my focus on my marriage. We did not have the funds to adopt or have any special infertility programs. So for 17 years, I focused on an adult alcohoholic with ADD. Then After my childbearing years were over, I found out he was cheating on me and found myself alone.
      Years later, I married a man with a six year old that I grew to love and gave my all into being his step mom. It is not the same and you never ever get that need to have your baby met. Every Mother’s Day I am thought of last if at all. So I grieve the beautiful children I could have had every Mother’s Day. You are not alone.

    • Sweetheart, yes there are plenty of women out there like you! I am one who never birthed any children, but I adopted a little girl three years old who has been the joy of my life. The Bible says to take care of the widows and the orphans. I feel that in adopting here, I did something right. She needed love and so did I. I spent a lot of Mothers Day without a child but once I adopted, I never felt the void again. I feel God chose us as special people to help others in this world! I not only adopted, but I started volunteering working with women and children, and in doing so have a lot of “children” now. So ask God what it is He wants you to do for him. Adoption may not be for everyone, so if not for you, volunteer at an after school program or summer camp. Help out at a mission of some sort. You are very much needed “mother on none” who can eventually become “mother to many” . My prayers are with you!

    • Yes I feel your pain sweetheart….I have been married for 15 years…I am 50 years old and still yearn to be a mom….

    • Me! I am here! Infertile and childless not by choice. Wondering if I’ll ever come to terms with being childless and worried that I’ll always feel this lost. Weeks go by where I don’t even cry once, or feel sorry for myself or my situation, and I think I might be healing. But the pain finds a way to resurface, triggered by a day like Mothers Day or nothing at all. The pain is swift and comes out of nowhere to feel like stones tied to my chest. Like I am drowning in my sorrow, my inadequacy as a woman, my emptiness. I so want to accept my situation. I am a strong, independent woman. I have a career I love, friends who care about me. I still have my mom, as many other’s don’t. But this has proven to be a weakness even I can’t overcome easily. Thanks for sharing and know that you are not alone. Ever. And I hope that everyone who struggles on Mothers Day, whatever the reason, can find peace.

    • Iam like you. But awhen i was 22 i had to have a complete hysterectomy and could not have children i had dreams of a little girl since i was about 16 the next day she died in my dreams. Its hard to want and it used to distroy me on mothers day until i turned it into a day of pampering and a reminder of the struggles that i had to go thru.

    • Yes, we’re out here, hurting like you. The unintentional wounds caused by well-meaning wishes, happy mother’s day, when I’m not a mom. “You can always adopt.” Right, the cost is inhibitive, to say the least, and add to it the cost of raising a child. “You don’t count/ get it/understand/ etc. You’re not a mom/ mother/ parent.” Like a kick to the stomach.

    • I am a women like you. I was pregnant once but lost him after 4 months. Endometriosis was my nemesis. It upsets me that bad people can have babies without problem, but people like us weent month after month of disappointment for years. Yes, like you I did everything I could from surgeries to fertility drugs to no avail. It hurts so,much that sometimes I just want to cry, but life still has so much to offer. I am a Nurse and get so much satisfaction taking care and healing people. And, I get unconditional love f r I’m all my fur babies and husband that so could ever want. Yes, there will always be a hurt in my heart, but my life and loves sustain me.

    • I’m almost there. 37, single and facing the idea that I may never have children. I never dreamed this is where I would be and every year I get a little bit more sad and bitter. I wish this holiday would go away. I have a wonderful mother and I love to honor her but otherwise it’s painful. I stay off social media so I don’t have to read things like “I don’t know what I did to deserve my kids.” or “My life was meaningless before children.” Frankly, those people can go straight to you-know-where for being so completely thoughtless. I listen to people say “Oh, so I shouldn’t celebrate because it might hurt someone’s feelings.” In general, I would say that we shouldn’t be so PC. But this holiday is painful for SO MANY…for a hundred different reasons. I hate it.

    • Yes, you are not alone. I always wanted a husband and children but it never happened. I feel sad sometimes but work with young children every day of the week. So I am their mom away from home. This is the first year without my own mother who passed away last year. It was very hard but I see daily children who will NEVER have what I had in my mom and it makes me feel very fortunate and blessed that I had such an amazing mother!

    • I’m not past child bearing years yet, but my husband and I cannot have natural children. We are in the process of adoption, but each Mother’s Day or Father’s Day is another reminder that we deeply desire to be parents, but are not. We know the Lord has a plan for us and that we have many opportunities to love others and make a difference for His kingdom.

    • Same-same…. my story completely…. Not that I’m not completely familar with the awkwardness, but yesterday, when the Pastor called all the moms up front, and I was the only woman left sitting amongst the men, everything inside wanted to RUN, but I was reminded of the words spoken earlier during the service: God KNOWS, and God LOVES…. there WILL be something “GOOD” that will come out of all this, and as HARD as it has been, just TRUST and keep your eyes on HIM!!!

      As a momma without a child, I traveled into the world a couple times to be with babies without mommas; although short lived, the journeys taught me more about myself and that all this LOVE I have inside is not just for children, but for all that HURT, and God knows there’s A LOT of that in this world!!!!

      Mothers DO need to be honored… regardless of how tough, and sometimes thankless, (most) LOVE their job….

      And for those of us born with “maternal hearts”, but empty wombs, “there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain…” Read Isaiah 54… “Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child…. for more are the children of desolate woman….”

      GOD KNOWS, AND GOD LOVES!!!!!!!!

    • Mother of none. We are alike – exactly “A woman past her child-bearing years, infertile not by choice. My whole life all I ever wanted, all I prayed for was a child to love, to protect, to watch grow into an adult. ”

      I am 54 now but spent decades in private mourning as many blessed mothers around me easily and quickly advised “oh you can always adopt” as though my loss was nothing. To all you mommies and others out there… be gentle with the hearts of us Mothers-of-none for we suffer a private pain that only those like us truly understand. Please please hear me on this: “You can always adopt” is the very worst thing you can say to ease our pain for we can only accept those words in our own time… A million times I said to myself “I don’t know which is worse; to have a child and lose it or to never have had the opportunity”. For those who know the pain and sorrow of losing a child (such as my sister who’s son was to me like the son I could never have and losing him knocked me down for over ten years – I nearly took my life), I bond with you for together we suffered greatly with our losses.

      I have a strong faith in God now and one day he will show me why this happened to me. I need not question it as I did for decades . There IS a plan for me and one for you mother-of-none. Pray and have faith; and He will deliver. We know not what our future will hold; I might be 65 and take on a foster child who needs me. I’m open for anything that brings a child in need to my world one day. When the time comes, I’ll know it as from God; I will be ready and I will be STRONG!

      I will never forget you from this day forward Mother-of-none. Thank you for making me sob like a child and reminding me that I am human and I deserve to shed these tears.

    • I like you have always wanted a child. I had always wanted to experience pregnancy, the growing belly, the movement and kick of a child. But in 34 years not one positive pregnancy test. Always so heart breaking. I later found out that i wasn’t infertile but that I had hostile cervical mucus (non sperm friendly) I tried a product called fertile CM it helps create a neutral environment and it worked. I was pregnant the next month. I took 10 pregnancy test because I was in such disbelief. But I was finally really pregnant. It was the beginning of a new life for me. I come from a family that was very devided. Me or my siblings never recieved hugs, we were never told I love you ever.. We had a life shelters and hotels. And we’re always bullied and made fun of because we were poor. So I had made a promise to my self that if I ever had a child he would never experience life as I did. So again it was the beginning of a new life for me ,one that I would create . So I thought. I experienced the love and connection of the child growing inside of me. I rubbed my belly and spoke to my son daily. I laughed each time I felt him kick and flipping around inside of me it was so wonderful. I had so many plains for us. I was already planning a trip to Disney world and excited about going to the zoo and many other things. I finally had someone that I could experience true happiness with. But on January 10 2012 it all came to an end. 2 days before my birthday. I went into preterm labor at 6 months. I pleaded with the doctor and the NICU to please save my son. But they said he was to small for any of their equipment. I had already dilated to a 5 so there was no stopping my labor. My life ended that day. To no that my son was healthy and full of life inside of me and because of my cervix dilating he would be stripped of life hunts me daily. When i gave birth to my son he was moving his little hands and feet. His heart was beating strongly and for a moment he shared time with me. I watched his color change to a pail color and his heart beat slowed drastically. I watched all of this helplessly. I was his life support. I held him until he passed. I buried my son 2 days after my birthday. I use to have some life in me but after that day it was gone. I so badly wanted to have a child to love and watch grow and just like you I to am in my later years of life where the chances of me having a child is very small. its been 3 years now . I cry every day. I have completely withdrawn from family and friends and no longer share my love with my nieces and nephews that i once did.Sad but im just so broken hearted. I have been in my field of work for 19 years as a top performing supervisor. Since this happened I have lost 2 jobs for poor performance. Crying in front of customers and absolutely no focus. Last year I completely crashed and tried to end my life. I tried counseling but telling someone about how you feel doesn’t fix it. The emptyness, loneliness, and sorrow is overwhelming. I feel so cheated. I see so many parents that neglect and mistreat their kids, yet here I am a woman with so much love to give a child but I have none.:( I feel your pain times a 100. I hope we can both can find away to find happiness in this life. I’m sending you a very big HUUUGGGGG. Sorry for the long response ,mothers day just was the worst for me and I needed to share

    • I am in a similar position and I can relate to this article. It really touched me. I am just going to start fertility treatments but I already know my wallet can only take me so far in this process. Theres hope but we will have to see. Its scary that it may not happen but I am trying to think positive. My stomach is in a knot thinking about it. I hope you will have peace in your heart one day when it won’t hurt so bad.

    • I feel for you hun, I am not past child bearing years, but I am infertile… Prayed everyday for some miracle to allow me to conceive. Mother’s Day is a reminder that I am not a whole woman and cannot give that love to a child like I have always wished for. I understand your pain…

    • yes….me!! I too was infertile not by choice…ernt thru infertility treatments for months to finally become pregnant….only to miscarry a week after mothers day…..I feel your pain and your sanness/dissapointment with your body. ie. I hate my body for having been given a uterus..etc but unusable…..makes me so sad…

    • Well, here is one woman who would like it if you had been my mom… My mother was a very broken person. My siblings and I became very broken people…I keep trying to be better, though. I often wonder what it would have been like to have one of those warm, loving moms who liked you and guided you…

    • You sound like a very caring person. You can just tell by the nurturing words, you would of made a wonderful mom

      .* (my computer is comput using a trusted one’s computer) I was rejected at birth, hated all my life, even now today, I don’t know why.

      • John, thank you for writing this.

        .My mom here it goes, I was rejected at birth, hated all my life, even now today, I don’t know why. Everyone says they’d love to have me as a daughter, they see the torment I live, and lived through, I have been a great daughter, always there to help, to do tasks, to be the sounding board for anger,rage, and physical abuse bestowed upon me..
        You only have one mom. and I love her no matter what, but at a distance now.

        I always said in silence or once to my mom, I will never be a mom like you. I am a loving mom, I was always there for my children. I getting a loving Mother’s Day Card from my special Love, because mine can’t be bothered to even mail a card, they know they hurt me by the non-existence in their lives, But what HURTS THE MOST IS TO BE TOLD ON MOTHER’s DAY YEARS AGO, “YOUR A POOR EXCUSE FOR A MOM”. i HAVE A BROKEN HEART, I try to ignore Mother’s Day, and my Birthday(which others do to or call days later and get you special someone to pass a birthday wish on for them, BUT HEAVEN FORBID IF YOU FORGET THEIR BIRTHDAY…………………..

        AND THEN ON MOTHER’s DAY,
        I have felt this way for years and just pretended it was all fine.. Smiling and saying thank you when people wished me happy Mother’s Day.. I appreciated their thoughtfulness even though it stung a bit to hear those words.. And the past few years I have just avoided gatherings in this day altogether.. Thank you for sharing.. I’m sure there are
        Many that will appreciate this like I did……………………. Again, Thank you

    • I feel your pain, as I walk the same road with a son – I cherish the memories I have of him as my tiny boy child, not the ignorant man he became. We try to raise our children right, what they do with their lives when they grow to adulthood is beyond our control. If they choose the wrong path, as parents we pay a terrible toll. There are many of us – you are not alone.

    • I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling…we haven’t seen our daughter or her four children in five years. And even though we think we know why, it doesn’t make any sense. A son in law is involved also,and I’m afraid of what’s really going on…yes, it’s heartbreaking…but we will go on….

    • My son got married two years ago and our relationship has become more estranged. After Christmas, he decided to no longer respond to my phone calls or texts. His wife stop talking to me two years ago. My son doesn’t tell me why he doesn’t talk to me or send me pictures of his daughter. We were at an event the day before mothers day and he spoke to me very little – his wife never spoke to me and they did not speak to my husband who helped put him through medical school nor did he speak to his sister. It’s nonsense and immature. No one deserves to be treated so inhumanely. It is not about you it is about the characters of those who chose to deny their family affiliation.

    • I, too, have a daughter who has chosen to eliminate me from her life. At first, I blamed her dad and step-mom for parental alienation-and believe me, there was a great deal of that going on. Then there was the “buying ” of her. And, all the while, encouragement and complicity in deceiving me. It was an all-out war on our Mother-Daughter relationship. And it broke my heart daily, and sometimes, multiple times over the course of the day.
      That was between age eleven and eighteen. After her H. S. Graduation, they attempted a hit on my life. Bad enough, but then, she wrote me an email referring to me as her “birth mother ” – nothing more. It was like a knife in my heart.
      Since then, she has gone on to finish both her Baccalaureate and Master’s degrees, and, I understand she is living in Boston with a great job. For all surface appearances, she is a successful young woman.
      But, on Mother’s Day, she chose to forget me, our formerly good and supportive-in-every-way relationship-forgotten. To her, I merely gave birth to her. And all those things that I made sure she had that gave her the basis for the rest of her life mean nothing to her. I mean nothing to her.
      On Mother’s Day, a part of me dies every year. She’s now 30-1/2. I’d hoped she’d wake up one day.
      Have an Epiphany of sorts. Not yet. Not yet.

    • Abandoned parents are becoming a regular thing these days. Breakdown of family and community, the continuing “me” generations…Kids grow up and act like you never existed, like no one ever held and fed and comforted them…very sad. I have the same problem…you are not alone. I try to focus on people who do appreciate my love…family is those who care about each other.

  139. Thank you for this. Last Valentine’s Day, my healthy, uneventful, full term pregnancy came to an end with the words, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.” My beautiful baby daughter, our first and only child, died unexpectedly. We were (and are) crushed. I was able to conceive again a few months later, but that pregnancy ended at 10 weeks with the same words. So far, I have not been able to conceive again. Mother’s Day is one of the most painful days of the year for me. I really appreciate being recognized when it comes around…our whole lives were ready to love and raise Haven, but she didn’t get to come home. Now we are parents in title only and these parent recognition days pass with oceans of tears. Thank you again.

    • Hang in there. I suffered ten losses before my oldest was born 8 weeks early. I eventually had 3 wonderful children and now have 6 grandchidren. While I was going through the loss, I thought I would never get to have that child that lived more than a few minutes. Be patient and kind to yourself. Parenthood will come in its own time. My prayers are with you that you receive the comfort and assurance you need.

    • My story is almost exactly the same, only in reverse. On our very first Dr appointment at 10 weeks they didn’t find a heart beat. One year later our daughter Mary Clara was born sleeping at 37 weeks completely healthy at 7 pounds 3 ounces. I do not have any other children, it took us 9 years to get pregnant the first time and we lost 2 babies within 54 weeks in 2008. Since then I have hated Mother’s Day, I do the best I can because I still honor my Mom and my sister who has 2 kids and is divorced. Yesterday, was the worst, it was like I was completely forgotten about. My family except my husband, didn’t even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. We even went out to lunch and the restaurant gave a flower to all of the women in the restaurant except me, and I was the one who probably needed it the most, to be reminded that I am still a mother. So as a result I did alot of crying and felt many tears and no one seemed to notice.

      I am sorry that we both have to go through this, I wish we knew each other so that I could give you a hug that says you are a mom and are remembered. XOXO

    • I feel your pain, I went through the same thing. Except I was in a coma and on life support when I went into labor. When I awoke I was handed a dead baby boy. The emptiness is unbearable and although I have other children, it doesn’t change the pain of looking at everything that we bought and prepared for his arrival. I’m so sorry.

    • I lost 4 of 6 children, thought never will be the mom I wanted to be, but now have two healthy wonderfull children and realy appreciate for beïng their mom. Please never give up hope…

    • I lost my son at 37 weeks in August. Haven’t been cleared to try again… terrified. My body failed me, Prothombin is what I have. Have you have any genetic testing?

      My heart breaks for you, it breaks for me. I feel so alone. Not many have experienced a loss so late in pregnancy. I would love to stay in contact.

  140. Reblogged this on The Dog and Ma's Karma and commented:
    Around here, Mother’s Day is a somber time. My Ma seems to find little to rejoice in knowing that her own Momma is gone and it seems that she is torn at times in her grief. Some of it because of anger about things gone very wrong many years ago, and then she smiles a time or two remembering some of the fun and jolly times. Today I struggled to be the comfort to her and as much as I wanted to attend dinner to meet my Uncle, she wouldn’t let me. I know I am a handful at times, but that will happen soon, I am sure.

    Early wee hours of the morning she woke up (earlier than most) as it seemed she couldn’t sleep and sat down at her usual spot and began catching up. Before I knew it, she was in tears. I couldn’t help her so much, but I know she found this and thought it would be appropriate to share for her and to others that struggle with such a significant day:

  141. Mothers Day has been very difficult for me this year. I lost my youngest daughter 18 years ago, my own mother passed away in 2011. I am very blessed with a wonderful daughter who survives and four terrific grandchildren . I am very fortunate. Because this year was so hard I chose to celebrate with my daughter and her family on Saturday and I skipped Mother’s Day yesterday. But I found that I didn’t really skip it, it came just the same. I used the day to take care of myself and my hurting heart. The tears began when I woke up and continued all day. I’m relieved that it’s over, but the hurt is still with me. I pray for peace for all of those who are suffering through this “Mother’s day ” time of year.

  142. My closest boy bestfriend… His mom isn’t alive and when I read this I think of him. I’m so lucky and I thank God that my mom is still here with me today. ????❤️ she almost died in a car accident when I was little. But when I read this I think of his mom. He hurts more and more everyday. And I’m with him through it. Honestly I know exactly how he feels!

  143. You put words to the feelings rolling around in my heart. Thank you for that! My (now) grown sons have no contact with me – parental alienation by their father, who is mentally and emotionally abusive. When I initially left the “cult” after years of his infidelity, I had no idea the lengths he would go to in seeking vengence, using his own children like weapons. They are now old enough to see more clearly what has happened, but I find it hard to hold them accountable for their decisions, as I understand the father-son bond may still leave them somewhat defenseless. And so I wait. Time is supposed to be on my side. Your insight takes some of the sting out of time.

  144. I didn’t see this until after Mother’s day. I wish I had seen it sooner. My day started out fine, but ended with being told I was a miserable excuse of a mother and wife. Now let me clarify that I don’t drink, smoke, beat my kids. I keep a clean house, decent cook, and do my best to see to my families needs. I was told .05% of the time I’m “bat sh*t crazy”. I’m not allowed to be upset when my child defies me. I cried myself to sleep and started again as soon I opened my eyes. My family puts no value on what I’ve done for them the last 15 years. I feel trapped. I’m so thankful for your post.

  145. Thank you for this. My mother wasn’t the worst mother, but she certainly wasn’t the best. She and I are not particularly close. There has been a lot of forgiveness for hurt from the past, but there is still an overall lack of love and compassion from her. I am learning to accept her for who she is and accept that perhaps our relationship will not be what I may want it to be. I know with God all things are possible, but we must be participants in His plan. I still honor her as my mother, but Mother’s Day is hard to see others who have such love and a true relationship with their mothers. I see the cards full of lovely words, but for me, I have to buy a general Mother’s Day card that really speaks to the nature of our relationship than buy the ones with the lovely words that express a relationship of continued love, support, and acceptance. I receive the permission to feel what I’m feeling and to not feel guilty for it. I pray for all of you who have various difficult relationships with your mother’s.

  146. As a Mom I try to celebrate this day. I love my kids so much, we have good relationships, and I LOVE being Mom. I try to be everything to them that I wish I had myself.

    As a Daughter, and a Granddaughter, this day brings nothing but hurt, and longing for relationships that don’t exist, and never really did. Those relationships were based on lies, and denial. It has been 8 years since I talked to my Grandmother, the woman who raised me, and almost a year since I talked to my Mother. I had to walk away after years of childhood abuse, and the lack of support, and acknowledgment on their part, it was the only way I would be able to continue to heal. Even though I know this is best for me & mine, and I don’t really miss them as the people they are, I do miss having a “Mom” in my life, and a “Grandma” for my kids. I long for something that never truly was, and never will be. I don’t know if this will ever go away, I don’t think a “girl”, no matter how old she gets, stops needing a Mom. Thank you for this letter.

  147. This was beautiful, thank you. I got many calls, texts, social media greetings from friends & family, not a peep from my only child. This really hits home, thank you so much.

    • Had a mother that was as nurturing as a box of exacto-knives and passed away 8 years ago. But my 15 year-old daughter told me twice this Mother’s Day that I “am a good mama”. I’m calling it a win.

  148. Thank you for this. This is my first mothers day without my son. He ended his life in January and the pain of his loss is still so fresh. I was unable to get out of bed and cried most of the day. My husband and daughters understood and we’re so loving and understanding.

  149. I spent most of my youth helping my father care for my dying mother and younger brother. She suffered with MS for nearly 20 years until she succumbed to the disease when I was just 19 and a new mother myself. Now at 30 with 2 children I find Mothers Day to be so taxing on me emotionally. The roller coaster of being a happy mom with my own children yet secretly mourning my own mother on the inside. Thank you for making it ok to grieve on such a hard day. Love and light.

  150. Mother’s Day has been the saddest day of the year for me for many years. My own mother died when I was 34 (37 years ago) and my father died when I was 10 DAYS old. Growing up as a child and teen, I always gave my mother a gift for her day and as a young adult always made her dinner and gave her a gift. I have only received 2 or 3 gifts in all of my 50-year-old daughters life. She has never made me a dinner for Mothers Day nor has anyone else. My son passed away 11 years ago and we had been estranged for awhile. Losing him is something I’ll never get over. So every Mother’s Day I cry and cry. I used to stay home waiting for my daughter to call….she mostly did call but in the evening. Finally one day about 10 years ago, I said to my now husband “That’s it…I’m not sitting home waiting for a phone call or a card or anything” and he would make me breakfast and we’d take off for the day. My daughter still doesn’t understand why I’m not sitting home. She lives in KY now and I’m in CT. This past Saturday I couldn’t wait for the mail hoping there’d be something there for me. But nothing. Unfortunately my daughter and I got into a tiff this Mother’s Day because I was upset. So yes I cry, I hurt…I’m so sadly depressed and jealous when I hear of friends wonderful Mothers Day. I wish I could say it doesn’t matter and that’s the face I’ve shown all these years but not this year! I shared this on Facebook and said that I hate this day. My husband’s son and wife ignore me too on this day…but I don’t care about that…I do care that he doesn’t honor his father on Father’s Day or his birthday though. What is wrong with our sons and daughters? Thank God for my husband though…he takes really good care of me and makes my day special. Ok…I’m sort this is so long and whiny but I needed to get this out. Thank you so much for letting me feel that it’s ok that I cry and feel jealousy. Thanks so much!

  151. Well the last of my oldest boy stung yesterday because as I often have to do put my grief aside and hold and console my other children but when one of those children wish they could trade places with him, or fill his shoes you know you hear the hidden words of suicide … now that hurt as I struggled with my grief to console and counsel my living selfless daughter… to tell her big brother she lived to the end of this world always will hold his piece of my heart, but what momma needs is for her to hold and take ownership of her own piece of my heart. To let her know her importance to me how she fills those voids and life without her would the worst possible thing I could ever imagine. In it all she has her own grief for her brother but the loss of that forever marriage and being a strong in dependant woman and mother and to say look at your babies now think how you are feeling this moment can you imagine if those children could ever live without the greatest momma on earth. Then take those little grandbabes and get momma a gift from their little hearts… mother and daughter united with forever love was the strength my heart had so my daughter could see the reality of… the night ended after several hours of chit chat with many emotions and tons of laughter…
    I gave myself time to grieve my son and my mom who came to care for me to see she was sick a lose her two years later… I loved… I laughed … I cried … but I filled my heart to.

  152. thank you for this. no one in my life knows exactly how hard this mother’s day was for me, but it’s nice to know someone understands that it’s difficult for a large number of people.

  153. What I love most about this post is that it is sensitive to both sides. While I know I have my side, I am certain she has hers. I can get so caught up in my own head sometimes, that remembering it is not just about me tends to ease the congestion. While I do not know what the future holds, this brief but powerful post helps. Thank you.

  154. Pingback: For Those Who Hurt On Mother’s Day « davebeats's Blog

  155. I don’t have a good relationship with my mom today. Growing up she was very abusive, both verbally and physically, and even when mothers day came, she would make her children feel bad for not being able to buy her a gift, and would even beat us because she was upset. I don’t have a lot of great memories of her, so I choose to not have any contact and I am fine with it, as there were times when I use to try and she would always say something during the conversation to really get me upset. When people say “honor your father and mother that your days may be long and well with you, I wonder if it also relates to parents that didn’t even want you around. I’m having a hard time believing that God wants us to continue having a relationship with someone that is abusive! Besides, I am choosing to protect my heart today, no matter what other people have to say.

  156. I havent lost my mom.. But this Mothers Day is still hard..

    Midnight on May 11, 2014.. Which happened to be Mothers Day.. My Uncle Dan was murdered. They still havent caught the person who shot him. We didnt celebrate Mothers Day this year, or last. Our Mothers Days will never be the same. My grandma doesn’t want to have anything to do with Mother’s Day.. As a matter of fact, no women in my family do.

    Why do people think that they can play God and take someone’s life ? Im sorry to the one who had to spend their day Motherless.. Mother’s Day will never be the same.

  157. My father sexualy asaulted me and my mother protected him and is in denial that it ever happened. I mis my mother. I just want a relationahip with her that is loving and kind and instead I get ridacule, blame for ruining the family by speaking out about abuse. She calls me an ungrateful b**ch. She took my children and turned them against me. I mis my kids so much! I wil never have a mothers day that will be filled with love because of all this. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have a relationship with my mother or my father again. I am in mourning for my parents. I guess unconditional love is not automatic when becoming a parent. Anyway, mother’s day is hard for me. I just cry to get through the day. I can’t believe I have to live my life like this. I will someday see my parents in heaven where everything is pure and good again. Until then, I will move on with my life as positive as I can. Hopeful for a better day tomorrow. I hope anyone who is suffering on this day, I wish them well. Big Hugs to you! Hang in there, it will be better someday. Again, thank you for listening. Marcy

  158. Reblogged this on kscroneblog and commented:
    Mother’s Day is such an emotional one for me. Even though I’m a mom myself, I wish the “holiday” would disappear forever. I’m not trying to be awful in saying that…but the pain I experience year after year is a testimony to how deeply I loved my mother who died too young.

  159. Every year my heart aches for not having my mom with me anymore but it’s not what hurts me most ..I swallowed my heart every year for my two little grandsons their mother has pretty much disappeared in their life..with only a couple times a year contact and Mother’s Day not being one of them I can see how brave the oldest tries to be but he broke down yesterday ..he’s only 10 ..his brother 8 and she’s been gone for 6 years..they have a very loving step mother who loves them so much and they are well looked after and provided for but one can only imagine the grief in their little hearts ..it only takes a few minutes to pick up the phone and call them on Mother’s Day how could she not know how lonely they would be…

  160. “To let tears come and say, This is how it is. I’ll ask in this one tiny moment, for the courage I need to let everything just be.”

    Fostercare saved me from the chaos of my bipolar, narcissistic original mother. Although I got the most awesome deal growing up in a Jewish orphanage, I always longed for a strong relationship with my original mother. SO, I tried it. Recently, I have had to confront the futility of this notion. At the end of the day – I have had many mother me. Just heart-sic that the original one wasn’t one of the,.

  161. My mother and I severed our relationship 3 weeks to the day of Mother’s Day. Rather than grieving for the relationship lost, a relationship that was already over halfway out the door, I spent the day with my wonderful boyfriend just doing normal things and enjoying life. Early on the day sort of hurt but honestly I feel like I should have grieved more than I did.

  162. I really needed to see this to make my heart feel better. It has put my feelings into words. I lost my daughter and her dad 14 yrs ago and have not had another child, so mothers day for me is heartbreaking, I put the smile on and see all aroynd me beautiful moms and their gifts from theitr children and for me I have to look at pictures and grieve. I stayed strong throughout the day until I went to the cemetery is the moment I lost it. I felt horrible for the family that was around me not knowing what to say, they had to turn away I apologize for my tears. Then I read this and it hits home. There is mo need to apologize this was me celebrating my mothers day in my own way.
    Thank you!!!!

  163. It has been almost 50 years since my Momma died. It never gets better, but it has allowed me to write beautiful poems about her and other things she loved so much. Over 6,000 of them. Thank you for this post.

  164. I have my mother and my grandmother still in my life. I appreciate them and love them very much. My sister has 2 wonderful children that I love with all my heart and soul. However, I am unable to have children myself and that is a hard grief to bear sometimes. Especially Mother’s Day. It is something I wanted so bad…to have my own children, to listen to their sweet voices call me ‘Mommy’ and it’s something I will never have. Thank you for this article. I never want to seem insensitive to others. Some days, I just don’t want to go on social media because I cannot take all the mothers and children bombarding me (I am in my mid-30s, so pretty much everyone I know has children). That’s my cross to bear, so I try to not say anything at all.

  165. I know I am a very lucky woman. I have 3 adult children who dearly love me as I do them. In 2007 my Mother passed & it still just hurts me so badly. The pain is still so raw. Every year when retailers bring out Mother’s Day things it makes me so sad. It just changes you when your Mom is gone. Guess I will grieve eternally…

  166. I’m glad I read this. I was never able to have children nor do i have any nieces or nephews. It will always be something I had wanted but couldn’t have. I had step children until their dad and I divorced after 12 years. This year was very hard. Just leaves me with feelings of emptiness and failure. On the upside I am blessed with still having my mother. The sermons at church are always about children being a blessing from God. I wonder why I never got my blessing. It hurts but I feel so selfish for feeling this way because I have a great life and wonderful husband and family. I hide my feelings for the most part, but on the inside there will always be a hole that can’t be filled.

  167. Yesterday was a double whammy for me. My daughter was murdered in April, 2013. She was 24. Yesterday would have been her 27th birthday. Yes, I still have a son and a grandson. I also have a stepdaughter. I miss my little girl each and everyday. Both my mom and mother-in-law died in 2008. It’s days, like yesterday, that I really want my mommy back. The saddest thing is this: Had my mom still been alive, when Justine was murdered, it would have killed her. I wish Justine would have had the chance to be a mom herself. Her boyfriend stole that from her and from us. She was an awesome daughter/auntie/sister/friend. She wanted to someday get married and have children. She would have made an awesome mom and her children would have been lucky to have her as a mom!

  168. There is another way of looking at it though. I too have no children, but mother’s day is not about me and what I don’t have, but about the mother who gave me life even under the most horrific circumstances towards the end of WWII. Why focus on what we don’t have, instead of celebrating what we all have, a mother! And even if the relationship is cause for heartache, she still gave us life and now to show how much better it can be.

    • Because we don’t all have that. My mom watched as I was raped and did nothing. I don’t care if she gave birth to me, she is not my mom. Never will be. This article made me feel better as I think it may have made a few others feel. Please don’t try to take that away from us.

  169. Thank you for posting this. It helps my heart on this day going through everything I am and reading your words. My mom and dad divorced when I was 4, my brother 2. She married the man she was having an affair with 9 months after the divorce. He was an awful man. She was emotionally and mentally abusive to my brother and I until I couldn’t take it any more. At 17 I ran away with my brother in tow back to my dads. Without him I think I would have killed myself. I tried having a relationship with her via phone for 10 years and I never went back to see her unless it was something terribly important. And even then it was more miss than hit. I finally completely cut her out of my life 3 years ago. (I am 30 now) per recommendation from my amazing therapist. She was too toxic on me and draining. But Mother’s Day and her birthday are the two biggest triggers every year for my issues. So this also applies to that day too. I just wanted to say thank you so very much 🙂

    And to the woman who prayed for children but could never have any, I would have happily given you my love and hugs

  170. I used to be one of these on mothers day, but after I decided that I was letting her have the power over me, i decided to walk away from it all.

    NOW, i don’t hurt at all on mothers day, in fact, i’m just sad for her…

  171. This hits so close to home for me!! I am a mother of a VERY beautiful, smart 13 yr old girl!! I NEVER got so much as a phone call from her, which I’m sure her father has something to do with!! He ran off with my daughter nearly 5 years ago and I haven’t seen her since/barely hear from her at all!! Got the usual notifications from friends and family but NOT from the MOST IMPORTANT person of all in my life!! Really hurts, cried most of the day and evening yesterday!! Wish I had seen this sooner!! To ALL mothers out there in my situation, Happy Mothers Day!! Mama misses you terribly Liberty Dawn!!

  172. I miscarried April 12th, at 12 weeks pregnant with my first child. it was the hardest day of my life. I was going to do a special pregnancy announcement this mother’s day and it turned out to be the second hardest day of my life. Thank you so much for this article.

  173. I lost my mom almost two years ago to cancer. We use to talk every day, now I can only think of her EVRY DAY and that little Elvis smile she would give me. The pain never goes away, miss her dearly…
    Those of you who are carrying around anger and resentments of a parent for whatever reason, I want you to know forgiveness is a wonderful thing. Remember we do the best we can with what we have and we are all human, prone to make mistakes. I spoke to my Father for the first time in 25 years and I forgave him, all that weight I was carrying just fell of my shoulders. He passed away three months later. I am so glad I did it!

  174. Thank you. I “needed” to hear this today. It is the day after Mother’s Day but, still it rings true for me. My sons have not spoken to me for over a year now except for some strained conversation during Thanksgiving. I was not invited to my older son’s home for Christmas. When their father died a year ago, he and I had been divorced for nearly 6 years because he was abusive although they never saw that…. ( I guess I did too good of a job being a protective mother to them. ) they just stopped speaking to me, angry that the only thing he left me was a small inheritance that I would not give to them regardless of the fact it was supposed to be disclosed in the divorce and they would not get the funds until they were 65. Now….they will not talk to me, no emails or phone calls, not even a card for holidays or birthdays do I see. I give them room and time to realize I am not the bad person and that they are deeply loved by me yet….nothing from them.
    So, when I found this article, it left me in silence and tears. Thank you for telling me what I did already know but had refused to allow myself to do….be sad and cry.
    Thank you,

  175. Mothers Day means NOTHING TO ME!

    I was 12 when my mom ran off with a man and left me ny brother and my father behind.

    At 15 I became emancipated from her because her so called man woyld not allow me and my brother to live with her after my father died.

    Mothers Day means NOTHING TO ME!

  176. Thank you for writing this sensitive important blog post. My mother died when I was 15 years old. It was a really long time ago but mothers day still hurts. Its always kind of a tough day as I have no children of my own. I want to thank you because I don’t think I have ever seen an acknowledgement of the pain some of us suffer on this day. It means a lot. Thank you.

  177. Thank you for this blog. My dad was an alcoholic who left while we were quite young. My mother was an enabler and probably bipolar. I was not only saddled with the responsibility of co-raising three younger brothers and myself, I was also held hostage as a comforter during her frequent periods of hysteria, a confident during interminable bitch sessions against my father, a hired-hand loaned out to other relatives and a human shield (yes, my mother pulled me in front of her when my father aimed a gun to shoot her). I cannot deny that my mother provided a roof over our heads and put food on the table, and a long series of other positive things (which my father did not). I am now a professional, active in my church and in the community. My own child and I have a fabulous relationship based on openness, honesty and normal responsibilities (e.g., your job is to get good grades). I am embarrassed to forego calling my mother for holidays such as these, however, the extreme ambivalence I feel during these times immobilizes me and I do nothing. I wish her happiness, joy, and freedom. Unfortunately, she sucked out all of the emotional support I had for her by the time I was 16 and moved out of the house. Again, I wish her many positive things, I just don’t want to engage with her until I am further along in my healing.
    -Bart

  178. I had 2 mothers! Yep lucky me! One that didn’t want to raise me, and a sibling, and gave us away for $ and another that reluctantly raised me due to marring my father. After I reached the sweet age of 12 my step-mother turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse I (and another sibling) received from my dad. I recorded a confession of the abuse and had her listen to it just to have her tell others –I must of liked it! So yeah, it is hard. Expecially when I have 2 half siblings (from the step-mom and dad)and they all seem to enjoy normal family Functions. Sucks! But I will be 10x The mother that either one of them will ever be!

  179. This was the first Mother’s Day without my mom, who passed away on Palm Sunday this year! I had my children with me and spent it with my sister and her kids. We spent the day going through pictures and reminiscing. Hopefully it will get easier. I hear the first is the hardest.

  180. Thank you so much for valuing our hurt and pain like no one ever has done. My hubby grieves too, we grieve together on mother’s and father’s day. Both our children were born in the Autism spectrum. Our eldest son when diagnosed at 2 1/2 lost all of my hubby’s side of the family. Only my mum and dad were supportive….not my 3 sisters! Mother’s day before kids was wonderful, the day I had a child was nothing but heartache. when my mum and then my dad died, celebrating anything stopped. Every year my son was a problem with screaming and hitting. Then my Asperger’s daughter at 16 came out as gay and since then I have only had a son who won’t wish me happy mothers day my daughter wants to now be a man so I feel Like a complete failure as a mum and will never be a grandma which hurts even more for all my friends are grandmas. Very hard to hold your head up high and smile while others are so happy. So again I thank you for your kind words.

  181. I had an abortion when I was 21 at 12 weeks and never was able to have another child but 20+ miscarriages after basically I had my chance and blew it.

  182. I used to love Mother’s Day, but since I left my husband, Mother’s Day hasn’t been the same. When I left him, he vowed to make my life miserable. He did this by turning my children against me. My two daughters realized that he had lied to them about me. He even offered them anything they wanted if they would stay away from me.

    After my oldest daughter passed away and my mom and I had my two grandchildren, he tried to turn them against me; but that didn’t work. My middle daughter was there for me and she would never leave or accept his horrible offers.

    My son, however, believed every word he said. He won’t even let me see my his two beautiful girls, my granddaughters. I miss my son and granddaughters terribly.

    Even after my ex died, my son still hated me and accused my of such horrible things that I could never believe anyone would ever say about another person just to hurt them. My son is now calling my ex’s wife “mom” and it hurts so much, I couldn’t even talk to anybody on mother’s day, not even my own mom.

    I know that God expects me to forgive, but I am finding it so hard to forgive my ex for everything he did to turn my family against me even though he is dead. I’ve tried to talk to my son but he just putting so many lies out there for others to hear about me and it doesn’t stop.

    Thank you for the wonderful words in your post. Reading everything has made me realize that there are others who need prayers on this mother’s day. I will continue to pray for all you mothers who have had a rough Mother’s Day.

  183. THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST. I HAVE A SON IN THE USMC WHO I WASN’T ABLE TO SPEAK WITH ON MOTHER’S DAY… I HAVE A STRAINED RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER….THIS IS THE 1ST YEAR I DIDN’T SO MUCH AS A PHONE CALL OR TEXT. AND I AM ASSUMING THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T FROM HER 2 DAUGHTERS MY ONLY 2 GRANDCHILDREN. IT WAS VERY PAINFUL…..BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I DID GET A NICE MOTHERS DAY WISH FROM MY SONS’GIRLFRIEND WHOM I HAVE COME TO LOVE AS A DAUGHTER AND HAPPY MOTHERS DAY WISHES FROM MY NEICE ,FRIENDS, AND FACEBOOK FRIENDS. SO BY TRYING TO KEEP UP MY GOOD SPIRITS I AM GRATEFUL FOR THEM…..

  184. thank you. My mother died the day after I gave birth to my daughter. She had leukemia and just wanted to be there long enough to know that I had a healthy baby. I rushed from the hospital to see her but I was an hour too late. I now have four beautiful children but Mother’s Day is a day I wish I didn’t have to go through. It’s hard raising four without my mom. There is no bigger cheerleader in your life than your mom! Those that haven’t lost their mom just don’t understand the pain and sorrow but they will eventually.

  185. I lost my Mom 8 months ago September 6,2015. We had her funeral on my fathers birthday and my birthday was 2 days after her funeral. Her birthday is Christmas day.That alone should tell how my year ended last year. Then along comes Mothers day, my first without the leading lady in my life. It was a very hard day for me. Thanks for the encouraging words!!

  186. This is an amazing post that really made me think how lucky I am! I never though about the “other side of the coin.! I hope this post gave you peace in your heart.

  187. when i was 23 i had to have a hysterectomy. i had already lost 2 by miscarriage and there was no chance for me to adopt because of my health. the day that they wheeled me into the operating room i just kept thinking that there was a child never to be born and my arms would always be empty.

    over the years i have had nieces and nephews i have help with but it still never fills that void and sometimes i just want to scream with the hurt and rage i feel and what has been stolen from my life.

  188. yesterday was a depressing day- my kids didn’t even wish me a happy mother’s day until the end of the day- they played video games most of the day- i feel pretty much like a failure as a mother- i have a terrible relationship with my mother- she’s so cold and distant- and now it seems my kids feel the same way about me- though i have tried so hard to be an amazing involved mother – it seems it didn’t work – and now they feel the same as i do about my mother…- depressing….

  189. Mother’s Day…I never thought that Mother’s Day would be one of the most difficult days to get through in my life. My mother passed away October 6, 2002 after nine years of hell. For her it was a Godsend as she endured so much pain and suffering. I miss her especially when Friday arrives each week. She would call every Friday like clockwork. We lived nearly 1,000 miles apart. Mom isn’t hurting anymore. But then some of my worst nightmares came true. 2013 had already started out bad. March 4th, my fiance lost his job. March 22nd, my youngest who had just turned 21, flew to our home state to spend some time with his dad for his birthday (my ex husband who I had been married to for 23 years). When he got there his dad was extremely ill. He finally talked his dad into going to the doctor. He called the doctor and left a message, since they were closed for the day, requesting an appointment asap. The next morning the doctor’s office called and said they could get him in that afternoon. He went to his dad’s room to let him know but when he went in to his room, he found his dad had passed away. During the next seven days we lost six friends in addition to my ex. June 13th I lost my job. I was thankful, however, that the state found I, along with others, was wrongfully terminated. Then came August 25th. A day that will forever haunt me. It was a beautiful Sunday morning. A couple, who had come out to stay for the night as my fiance and I had been having issues since he lost his job , were leaving after having a nice visit when I heard my phone signal I had a text message. After they left I didn’t check my messages right away but instead got busy cleaning the kitchen after making quite a mess making brunch. After cleaning, I heard my phone signal another text message. I thought I better check my phone. When I did, I was first in shock but then angry that I didn’t get a phone call but two texts saying. “GET TO PARKLAND NOW!!” from my son in law and one from my youngest saying my son in law was trying to reach me. I then called my son in law to find out what happened. A man that worked with my son in law, whom i knew, answered. All he would tell me is that my daughter, grand kids and three of my daughter’s rescue dogs had been in an accident. He wouldn’t tell me anything more. He only said I needed to get down to Parkland and Children’s in Dallas right away. I knew it was bad. I remember the tears were streaming down my face and praying out loud as I hurried to get dressed. My fiance heard me. He insisted on driving me to the hospital. Even though our relationship was horribly strained, I let him as I was in no shape to drive. That was the longest 55 miles of my life. I drove that 55 miles every day to my office before losing my job but this was different. We walked into the emergency room at Parkland. When I told the woman at the desk why I was there, she called over someone to help me. The woman came out from behind the desk and said she was a counselor/family advocate. I asked her if anyone had not made it, as my gut was telling me someone didn’t survive. She said she couldn’t say anything. She took us up to a private waiting area where we waited for someone from the surgical team to come out and tell us what was going on. Since we were in Parkland, I knew my daughter was alive and was in surgery. Two of the team came out and explained that her pelvis was broken but the worst was her head injury. I asked if they knew anything about my grandchildren. If they did, they wouldn’t say. We thanked them and the advocate/counselor then took us to children’s right next door where we were introduced to the family advocate/counselor. She couldn’t say either when I asked the same question of her. She took us to the surgery waiting room. I thanked her for bringing us there. We walked in. There were many people there but my eyes locked on the man I spoke to on the phone that worked with my son in law. I knew he couldn’t hear me but I asked in silence, “Skyla’s gone isn’t she?”, he just nodded his head yes. I fell apart right then and there. My beautiful 13 year old granddaughter with an IQ over 160, who loved the Lord and proclaimed that love, was gone. She was killed instantly along with two of the dogs that were a part of our family for years. My six year old grandson was in surgery. His spinal cord, brain stem and vertebrae were injured from the whiplash sustained from their car being hit at highway speed. His right arm, right clavicle, and right hip were broke as well. After being in the hospital for 74 days, he was released to go home. However, he would only be going home to a home with just his father, my son in-law as my daughter died one week after the accident. My daughter was a beautiful blue-eyed brilliant photographer who loved her children more than life itself. She taught them the word of God, she taught them about giving to those in need even if they didn’t have a lot. There was always a way to help others. She was very involved with the community but also in the activities of the kids. She could always be seen at the bowling alley, golf course or ball field taking photos. My grandson was on a bowling league at the age of 2 1/2. Bowling with the same form as an adult and bowling an 84 average. A newspaper article was written about him and Fox news wanted to do a story but she felt TV was a little too much for him at such a young age. He also was golfing a nearly par game on a nine hole course before the age of five. Not long before the accident he had hit a three run home run. Texas Rangers executives including the owner, Nolan Ryan, would have meetings at my son in-laws restaurant and knew my grandson’s skills. They made sure they were thinking of him and brought signed baseballs and a signed Nolan Ryan jersey to him in the hospital. My grandson is in a wheelchair now. He has been down hill skiing and is learning to golf from his chair, so I hear. I have not seen my grandson in nearly a year as my son In law moved his mistress in not long after the funeral and they now have a soon to be three month old baby. Of course he has to move on with his life and I can’t say I dislike the girl. I have met her. She’s young but she’s good to my grandson. But what hurts is the fact he’s trying to push my family away by blocking us on Facebook or anywhere there are pictures. We want nothing but to be a part of my grandson’s life. He refused to allow me to have any of my daughter’s ashes or any momento that I gave her or things that belonged to my parents. I would like to have a couple of things I gave her and to my granddaughter and to hold on to the things that were my parents’ for my grandson as my son in law does not take care of things very well. My daughter and I had an argument when her father died and had not talked since. I can tell you that something took place in the hospital that made me believe she was telling me she forgave me. I imagine that’s why, as well as his affair, is why I have been treated so badly by him and his family. It will haunt me still the rest of my life as my daughter and I had been extremely close. I was even her maid of honor and godmother to my granddaughter. Difficulty finding work, my relationship with my fiance ending it a week after the funeral (his depression was and still is extreme), and losing my home, my vehicle and much more because of our breakup and no job, I finally have temporarily moved back to my home state, got a temporary job and am living with my brother even though it killed me to do it since my youngest and my grandson are still there. In the meantime i continue to apply for positions in my field back there. I hope to be back on my feet and back where I belong before winter. The losses and pain that I feel every day can tear me up one day but then I remember I have God walking with me every day and will get me through this….I WILL RISE when He calls my name. No more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles wings, before my God fall on my knees and rise, I will rise, I will rise. The 21 year old driving the truck that blew the stoplight and hit
    them is now in jail for 25 years.

  190. There were tears for my abusive childhood, for the death of my mother (didn’t get to say goodbye or how much I loved her as she died on the opposite coast in her sleep)……for the death of my cousin to cancer……and for the loss of my youngest son (at age 26) who had mental health issues and died in his sleep so once again I didn’t get to say goodbye and how much I loved him. But there were moments of laughter when I was able to find an old VHS tape that had both my boys as toddlers including a visit from my cousin. My mom didn’t like to have her picture taken but I do have a few of them. All are in my hearts and always will be.

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  192. I was in my late 20s when I became estranged from my mother. When I was 40 we became mother and daughter again. It happened because I needed her and asked her to be there for a horrendous life altering ordeal and she was there…My mother is not perfect she is flawed as am I..I currently am ‘kind of’ estranged from my older daughter. I’ve gone to see her a few times this last year. But I realize each time she is like me. And like me and my mother she and I are no longer close…The difference is that I forgive my mom and I forgive myself in that relationship…And in this relationship with my daughter I forgive myself. You see I did the best I could and I made a lot of mistakes. I imagine I am still making mistakes but that comes with being human…Mother’s are not REALLY super heroes they are people…I love my mother and my daughter very much and I thank God that I can love myself despite my short comings. My daughter has yet to forgive me and I know she loves me but more than that she has yet to forgive herself. Sometimes there are choices that we make that change everything that ‘could have been’…One day I hope that she can find forgiveness so that she can find inner peace…

  193. I do not and have never known what a mother is. I never had one. My grand parents raised me because the government paid them to. The word love you , I never heard growing up. I tell my 2 boys that I love them every time that I talk or message them. I want them to know their mother always loved them.

  194. After 33 years of both physical and mental abuse, my abuser and husband died from Cancer in 1984. For approximately 10 years after that my three sons (all married and on their own) decided that I didn’t need to heal. They left me to my own for every Sunday, every holiday and every other important day in my life. I have three sons, 6 grandchildren who I never see or hear from. In1996 I decided to move to Arizona, for it’s hot climate which was good for my arthritic body,and since I didn’t have anything to hold me to my home, I had nothing to hold me there anymore. Still not even a “goodbye” from them all.
    I had nothing to hold me to my home, since I wasn’t a part of anything, anymore.
    and surely not important to them anymore. They no longer needed somebody to cook, clean,
    and to support them in their every endeavor. I even put my eldest through graduate school by working 4 years for his tuition. His Father contributed not a red cent. Everything I earned went to pay for his TUITION. The final year I received a $10.00 raise and I finally kept that for myself.

    Every Mother’s Day I cry for what I never had, and never will have in my life. I met a lovely widower two years later, and we have lived together since a year after that meeting. He knows how Mother’s Day effects me, and he tries his best to “make it better.” Yellow roses in a plant to be put outside in the garden. A yellow Calla Lily which will also go outside. Yellow because it’s my favorite color. Smiles and kisses on Mother’s Day morning. and we go out to dinner in the late afternoon. I get a lovely gift and card from HIS DAUGHTER AND SON IN LAW….who loves me and knows what this holiday does to me.

    Every attempt to make things better are ignored and letters to try for some kind of a resolution are never answered. It’s as if I have never existed. I’ve been asked why I never left ……before…it’s because I could never leave them and how could I take them with me, since I had nothing to support myself, let alone the three of them. So I stayed in this lousy marriage and situation for 33 years, until God decided that all of this abuse should end, and he died at 54 years of age…… I was a widow at 52.

    But it’s now 19 years since the move and 30 years since their Father died, and not a word from any of them, that helps me in the least bit. I received one visit of 3 days from the youngest about 6 years ago, and none of the others or their children have ever written to me, to come to see me. DON’T THINK THIS DOESN’T HURT….IT HURTS SO MUCH IT’S ALMOST UNBEARABLE. But I have to get used to it,
    (I hope someday that will happen) because I’m now 84, and my time is growing short. My only wish is that this “silence” will some day end.