Ministering to teenagers can be rough stuff.
You are misunderstood, criticized, scrutinized and maligned by students, parents and church members… and then there are the bad days:)
I kid, I kid… (Really!)
Lately, as a result of the countless daily battles we engage in, I’ve felt myself apologizing for a million little things, if not verbally, then internally. I’ve lost sleep. I’ve second-guessed myself; things I’ve done and said. I’ve questioned our ministry, our programs, or methods.
Not anymore.
Obviously, I care deeply for students. that’s why I do what I do…I want our ministry to be a place where teenagers feel loved, accepted and seen, so that will always be on my heart, and always be something I am willing to change or correct to do better. I will always feel badly when something I or our ministry does, truly damages students. I will always regret and make amends for that.
The following though, is a list of things I will NOT apologize for…
1) I will not apologize for holding teenagers to a high standard. Our children are immersed in a culture that says they can and should act whatever way they want; where Social Media creates open space for teenagers to do a moral limbo contest, seeing how low they can go. My job as a pastor of teens is to love them, and honest, real love, means both accepting them and challenging them. I will not settle for only half of that equation. I will always push students to embrace the life I believe they were made for. I will say words that some times will be hard to hear, but that is because they so rarely hear them.
2) I will not apologize to students for the flaws of our other students. Every time a student walks away from our ministry because they say it’s “too cliquey”, “too judgmental” or “too drama-filled”, it breaks my heart, of course, but then I feel like I need to defend two hundred other students for being imperfect, (ironically, as imperfect as the student walking away). I will not do that anymore. Our ministry is made-up of flawed, messed-up, broken people, and that makes messes… If you are looking for a church with perfect people, I can save you the trouble… It’s not out there. Stop looking. We follow a God who is perfect, we don’t follow Him because we are perfect.
3) I will not apologize to Christian parents for suggesting church should be a greater priority for their children. There are 8,760 hours in a year. Moms and Dads, if a teenager comes to youth group twice a week, every week for the entire year, (which almost never happens), that is only 208 hours where we get to affirm the faith you say you want them to own. In so many ways, homework, sports and jobs all seem to take precedence, with Jesus and the church often getting the scraps. When a student’s grades fall, church is often taken away. When a teenager doesn’t feel like going to youth group, they don’t have to go. (Try pulling that with a football coach or a marching band director and see what the response is). As someone whose desire it is to truly partner with parents to give their children moral and spiritual guidance, I will always ask for more than they might feel comfortable with, but it’s because I feel we can give their children something they can’t get anywhere else.
4) I will not apologize for the words of Jesus. We do all we can in our ministry to be led by Christ; and to be moved and directed by the words of Scripture. Jesus’ teachings have always been met with anger, rebellion, confusion and rejection. In a culture that loves money, that worships busyness, that craves popularity and that idolizes material success, the Gospel will always initially feel more like bad news than Good News. (Sometimes it rubs me the wrong way too, to be honest:) But if we dare to call ourselves Christians, we better be willing to walk the path he laid out. That is why we exist as a ministry, and I as a minister; to continually uncover that pure path from the overgrowth of consumerism, laziness and distractions that hides it.
I love what I do… I love seeing students grow and awaken, and I love seeing them win small battles and embracing joy. I love their passion and honesty and creativity. I hope most people get that when they spend time with me, or read what I write, especially those teenagers.
However, one of the greatest gifts I believe a pastor can give people, is a boldness; a fire that affirms those things that are true and good and right. As with all such things, life has a way of softening them, of obscuring them, of making them seem so out of place, that they become weird, almost wrong.
With all that is at stake, there are just some things that I will not apologize for…
I’m sorry, that’s just how it is…
