As a 14-year youth worker, I’ve received countless calls, texts and visits over the years from loving, concerned Christian parents, with an often unstated, yet no-less clear assignment for me: Fix My Kid.
And after visiting with their children, I find that many of those parents are far less interested in suggestions I have for areas they themselves may need to address, or reasons why their teenager’s biggest problem may not actually be their teenager.
So, for them and for you, here are 6 ways Christian parents can help fix their kids:
1) Stay married. Divorce is a flat-out spiritual cancer in our culture. I can’t overestimate the number of damaged, broken, guilt-ridden students who feel perpetually pained by their parents’ split and family fracture. Teenagers more than young children are acutely aware of the family dynamic and (sadly), more likely to be used as leverage between warring parties. Failing some form of genuine abuse or serial infidelity in your marriage, teach your kids how to stay.
2) Put Down Your Weapons. Your children need to be protected from the cruelty of the world, that comes in the form of all types of verbal, physical and emotional abuse. You want healthy kids? Be relentless in removing violence from your home. Make sure they see it as a refuge from terrorism, not the source of it.
3) Get sober. I’ve been amazed, especially in recent years, at the level of heavy drinking, and both prescription and illegal drug abuse among parents of teenagers. There are so many people out in the world teaching your kids how to try to escape pain and numb their senses. Lead them in the way of sobriety and clarity, and help them learn that problems cannot be run from. Their bodies are temples. So is yours.
4) Put God first. Put your spouse Second. Put your kids third. Your priorities speak volumes to your teens. If you claim Christ, and want your children to have a good chance at doing the same, show them what a life with God at the center looks like. Give them a front row seat to service, worship and prayer.
If you are married (See #1), then your most important earthly relationship is with your spouse. If you always put your children first, resentment will grow with your spouse, your marriage will suffer and your family will be the weaker for it. Pray. Date. Then parent.
5) Go home. You have two resources in this world; time and money. I see so many parents sacrificing the former to chase the latter, and frankly their kids are feeling it. I know the financial burden of children and the mountain of bills, and fees and operating expenses of parenting, but I also hear the weekly cries of the hearts of the kids I minister to. They lack identity, they crave intimacy and they are starved for real affection. If you don’t give it to them, I promise they will seek counterfeit versions elsewhere. Time equals presence, and presence equals relationship. Cut back and stay home.
6) Logout. Teenagers are the most disconnected generation in history… but parents are trying like crazy to catch-up! Part of the “presence” issue from above, means realizing that proximity does not equal availability. One of the most Christlike things you can do whenever you are with your kids is to be with them. There are few texts, emails, Tweets or calls that matter as much as the words and needs of your kids. They’re your most important “followers”.
These may not be the top 6, but they are up there. Nothing earth-shattering, but I thought it needed to be said.
Will these things actually fix your kids?
No. But they may prevent them from breaking in the first place.
