So there’s something nobody tells you before you have children…
People give you all kinds of advice on sleeping schedules, feeding, education, safety and a million other very practical areas. They tell you what foods will make them brilliant, ways to discipline them that won’t put them in therapy, and how to remove stains of every kind on every type of surface.
But no one tells you how to uncover and steward your child’s dreams.
No one tells you how to find what your children are made and wired to do, and to really help them do it. As a result, you live with the questions swirling all around you, daily:
Do you push them to get involved in everything early-on, so that they can find what they are good at?
Do you wait until they express a passion for something and nudge them that way?
Do you force them into certain activities because those will give them character and future opportunity?
Do you allow them to stop doing something that they feel is no longer fun or exciting?
Do you place them in a series of perilous situations, until their hidden superpowers are discovered?
Over the past 14 years in ministry, I’ve walked alongside some great, loving, wonderfully attentive parents; parents who carefully nurture and encourage the natural gifts, talents and abilities of their children, and who allow them to walk into whatever it is they feel designed to do. (I have been blessed with such parents).
Sadly though, I’ve also seen countless parents (still great, loving and wonderfully attentive), who not only seem to be unable or unwilling to hear or acknowledge their son or daughter’s dreams, but they actually replace them with their own.
As a result, I often minister to a small army of joyless piano players, miserable first basemen, stressed-out cheerleaders and obsessive pageant contestants.
Later those same children become unfulfilled medical majors, resentful professionals and generally bitter adults.
So often when I interact with parents of teenagers, I see middle-aged people, desperately trying to be young, trying to relive long past glory days or to make up for former sins and missed opportunities, through the life and body of their very children.
Without realizing it, they begin to transfer their dreams onto their kids.
Obviously children, (especially teens) are fickle, and often unmotivated, and part of our job as parents, is to instill in our children, a work ethic, a sense of responsibility and a strong character. As you do this however, sometimes it is helpful and necessary to stop and look at your children, not as “little you’s”, or as the kids you’ve dreamed them to be since the day they were born, and see who they are.
It may be time to step back for a moment, without expectation or agenda and ask yourself, “Is this my child’s dream, or my dream for them?”
They are not always the same. Both are valid, but not the same.
One will fill them with passion in the face of adversity, the other will leave them perpetually frustrated even in success.
Maybe today, you might try to clearly see your children through the eyes of the One who made them (and who allows you to shepherd them); to come alongside them in whatever it is that gives them joy and purpose, and support that, even if it looks nothing like you imagined a dream looking.
Moms and Dads, give your kids guidance, discipline and encouragement. Push them, encourage them and challenge them.
Just let them keep their dreams.
