No, this isn’t that blog.
This is not another statement about the hot topic of endless radio talk show debates, picket sign duels and yes, even fast food standoffs; all of which propose to save the Institution of Marriage.
Over the past year, there has been so much pontificating and Scripture-slinging by Christians, so much doomsday discussion about protecting, supporting and rescuing “Traditional Marriage”, and it mostly has to do with legislating a small group of the population from legally participating in the process itself.
We don’t need another voice chiming-in on that, do we?
Across the country, sides have already been drawn, studies cited and Bible verses wielded, with politicians, pastors and pop stars all weighing in. It’s been passionate and angry and frankly, downright demoralizing to our nation’s very sense of unity.
But strangely absent from all of the talk, conspicuously missing from the perpetual conversation, is something most Christians don’t want to seem to address: The mirror.
If one were to look strictly at the news, and read the blogs and hear the sermons, you would think that heterosexual Christians really believe that something that we dearly love and revere is being threatened. It’s as if something sacred and precious to us is being destroyed…
… but then you look at our marriages.
– Statistics show that the divorce rate of churchgoers, is nearly identical to that of non-Christians; somewhere between 40 and 60 percent.
– Of those who remain married, many of those unions are riddled with infidelity, emotional abuse, separation, coldness and general apathy.
(With 15 years spent in Family Ministry, I fight on the front lines, so these are not simply uninformed generalizations, they are sad, painful, daily realities).
Does that sound at all like something we treasure?
Seeing and hearing so many believers so loudly sound the alarm about the collapse of Marriage coming from those outside trying to get in, is a lot like people burning down their own houses, while complaining about the danger of someone trying to come through the door with a lit cigarette.
And that’s why, as a pastor and Christian, I do feel that heterosexual Christians can make a tremendous difference on an entire generation of Americans.
I believe we can alter the course of the nation and its families, in profoundly God-honoring ways.
I believe we can do some powerful and bold things to truly preserve the “sanctity of Marriage”.
Heterosexual Christian, if you really care about the holiness of Matrimony:
1) Honor your marriage. Take your vows seriously. Stay true to them. Pursue them relentlessly, day after day, and refuse to waver. You can only really steward one union in history; that of you and your spouse. It is only the sanctity of that partnership that you can and should be evaluated on. Clean your own house.
2) Stay married. Jesus has some pretty harsh words in the Bible about divorce, but we tend not to do too much yelling about them. We like to overlook those, mostly because our casual Christian attitude toward commitment, has made marriage about as easy and normal to get out of as a health club membership. You want to teach the world about marriage? Teach it how to stay.
3) Stop sleeping around and messing around. Infidelity, emotional affairs and pornography have saturated the Church. Maybe, as you are sifting through Scripture about Immorality to prepare to enter that other debate, you take note of what Jesus says about Lust, and what Paul says about Sex, and seek personal purity and relational integrity for your marriage.
3) Watch your blind spots. I have a friend who very loudly and vehemently crusaded during the whole Chick-Fil-A mess earlier this year, all the while living and relating with someone outside of marriage. (I’ve always believed that our real definition of sin is: “Bad stuff people other than ourselves are doing”). With some of the energy we use to police the unGodliness around us, we might reserve some to examine our own hearts and minds. Our mess may not make the news, but it still does damage.
4) Don’t enter into marriage lightly. Move slowly as you date and court one another, and do so with integrity. Guard against giving away what you cannot get back. Commit to marrying for life. As much as you can, decide upfront, that you both will make your marriage sacred.
The arguments about what legal marriage is and what isn’t, may never be resolved. They will continue to fracture denominations, tear apart families and destroy friendships. They will galvanize political bases, fire-up congregations, and blow-up the Blogosphere.
Maybe though, it’s time for those who call themselves Christians, to log off and step out of the fray for a bit. Maybe it’s time that we act extremely locally; that we go home, and let our spouses and families see and feel what Marriage means to us.
That, is our true and best testimony to the world.
Don’t defend Marriage. That’s a job that only God is big enough to do.
You, Christian? What can you do?
Defend your marriage.
