From time to time I drive by a car with a bumper sticker that reads: Proud Parent of a _______________ School Honor Student.
And to be honest, it always worries me a little.
I understand the intention behind it of course; the idea that a mom or dad wants to publicly celebrate their child’s academic achievement. I’m a pretty gushing dad myself, and I love when my kids accomplish something, when they have a personal victory, or when they are noticed by their peers and caretakers as doing something special or noteworthy.
But beyond just bumper stickers, I wonder what message our children are getting, when we most passionately and explicitly acknowledge them in the times in which they win.
As a parent of young children (6 and 10), I see kids being relentlessly pushed and cheered and driven to the pinnacle by parents and teachers, and by nearly every adult voice in their lives. They’re taught from birth to excel and to achieve; to be the best, to run the fastest, to be the prettiest, to get the highest grade, to be the thinnest, to do the most, to reach the top.
They are noisily and perpetually paraded toward “greatness.”
As a Christian, I’m just not so sure that Jesus really wants greatness for my kids.
So much of Jesus’ teachings were about “the last being first” and about becoming “servant of all”. His was and is a manifesto of smallness and kindness and goodness. Jesus continually lifted up the sacredness of sacrifice, the great dignity in humility, the God-reflective nature of forgiveness.
But sacrifice, humility, and forgiveness don’t make for great bumper stickers, do they?
It’s simply not fashionable to elevate character or champion dignity or celebrate integrity for us or for our kids. We’re pretty lousy as a society of lifting up goodness as something for our children to strive for. And as a result, less and less of them seem to have any desire for it.
Our teenagers look around and see spoiled, petulant brats getting their own Reality TV shows.
They read about philandering, lying, stealing politicians, being re-elected over and over again.
They watch roided-up, violent athletes given paydays that could purchase small countries.
As a result, too many kids see celebrity, fame, and notoriety as the only things worth chasing or possessing, regardless of the cost. They’d rather be known than be anything else.
We have all conspired to sacrifice goodness on the altar of greatness.
Moms and Dads, please don’t hear this as an indictment of parental discipline or of high expectations of your kids. This not the vilifying of work ethic or responsibility or dedicated study. I absolutely want my kinds to squeeze out every ounce of talent and intelligence and potential that God has placed within them, so that they can live lives that they can be proud of and so that the world can be beautifully changed by their presence.
But I also want them to know that being known or making a name for themselves isn’t what this life is all about.
I want them to be good listeners and good tippers and to care for the hurting and to care for the environment and to live generously.
I want them to have manners and to tell the truth and to forgive easily and to put others ahead of themselves.
I want them to love people, regardless of their condition or place in life or whether they are particularly lovable to them.
I want them to find their worth in their ability to find the worth in others.
I want them to know that their value is not defined by a bank account or by any award or accolade that can be measured or bought.
If they live that way and happen to have some residual stuff that people deem success, fine. But if not, they will still be successful in my eyes.
You can have your great children.
I want children who reek of goodness.
When you’re out on the road, look for me.
I’ll be the guy in the car with the big ol’ bumper sticker that reads: Proud Parent of Two Really Good Kids.
