So, Christian Mom or Dad, your child has come out to you as LGBTQ.
Whether this news comes completely out of the blue or whether you saw it coming for a while, it’s probably accompanied by a swirling flood of conflicting emotions and fears and questions.
Regardless of your readiness, your feelings, or your theological stance, here are a few reasons why you should be celebrating today:
Your child trusts you enough to share the deepest parts of who they are with you.
Being honest about their gender identity or sexual orientation is one of the most difficult decisions any young person (or adult for that matter) can ever make, especially within a family of faith and their extended religious community which historically are both fraught with additional risk and tension for LGBTQ teens. Your son or daughter is sharing the most personal, most deeply guarded truth with you, during a time when most children share the least with their parents. This vulnerability and honesty is an incredible gift and an affirmation of your shared bond. You can take great joy in the knowledge that your child finds in you, someone worth trusting with their hearts.
You get to reflect the character of Christ to your child.
Jesus modeled a compassionate, benevolent, deeply loving response to all people he crossed paths with. You have the precious holy ground to do the same for your child in a profound way, regardless of your religious beliefs or your personal comfort level with what they’ve shared with you. Jesus’ interactions with people always left them with more dignity than when he found them, and he never missed seeing the individual people beneath principles. You have the incredible blessing of doing this for your child. You get to work out in the unmatched intimacy of family relationships, just what Christ’s boundless love and great gentleness look like. In the most wonderfully tangible way, you have the chance now to put flesh on your faith so that your kids can see God up close.
You get to continue your story together.
Given the shockingly high suicide attempt and homelessness rates among LGBTQ teenagers, as well as the number of families whose relationships are forever fractured by such disclosures, you still have your children. They are alive and breathing and here. Please don’t miss this. Your family is healthy, intact (if you make it so), and capable of moving forward and experiencing every beautiful, difficult, sweet and bitter moment that’s in front of you together. Yes, there may have been some plans and illusions that have died with the news your child has shared with you, but it is also the birth of so much more. You still have the present and the future with your kids, and that is reason for rejoicing. There is so much that is still possible.
Moms and Dads, I’m not going to tell you how to feel right now or how you should reconcile your personal religious beliefs, but as a pastor and a parent I need to assure you of one thing: this news about your child may be a surprise to you but it isn’t a surprise to God. Find rest and hope in that.
There’s no denying that this new reality for your family will have its share of challenges, but there will be abundant blessings too. That’s how this life and this parenthood thing both work. In the end, the most encouraging part of all of this, is that you get to take the lead in how your family faces those challenges and how it unearths those blessings.
Please remember, this revelation is ultimately not about you, it’s about your child; their needs and feelings and fears, however you are charged with shepherding, loving, and protecting them, so embrace that calling now as much as ever.
Parents, regardless of these new revelations you still have your family and they still have you. Let your heart receive both of these truths as great news, and may you respond with the very best of yourself.
Now, go hug your child.
