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God is Not a Dude—But I Still Call God “He” Sometimes.


God is clearly not a man.

God is GOD.

God both contains and transcends the beautiful, broad spectrum of gender, wonderfully revealed and encountered in both masculine and feminine ways simultaneously—gloriously androgynous Divinity.

God is absolutely not a dude, and though I do my best to speak of God without ascribing gender, I still sometimes refer to God as “He” and here’s why:

1) God is relational.

At the core of my Christian faith tradition is the idea that God knows us and can be known by us. This relationship sits at the core of our spirituality and we need a reference point to describe it. Every human being and animal we love and receive love from here has a gender, and this identification shapes that relationship on so many levels; how we interact with and relate to and feel about those loved ones. Speaking about them allows us to express that relationship to others, and those gender pronouns have a very specific power in conveying the intimacy and nature of that exchange.

God is not inanimate and cold and distant, and for me, exclusively using a neutral pronoun when speaking of God robs me of expressing the depth of the connection I have and the feelings that come with that connection.

2) We need words and words fail.

As someone who communicates spiritual matters on a daily basis, words (as limited as they are) are all I have. In trying to find language for something that is so very beyond any words, this process is doomed to be woefully inadequate. In very practical and mechanical ways, writing with a gender specific pronoun allows for clearer, less clumsy communication and more evocative description.

To say, “He is so dear to me and I feel his presence every day,” is a far more personal description than saying, “It is so dear to me and I feel its presence every day.” The former conveys an emotional proximity that the latter does not. Declaring or singing, “He loves me”, is simply far more powerful than saying, “It loves me.”

3) Jesus calls God, “Father”.

While the Bible certainly uses both masculine and feminine imagery to describe the nature and character of God, in the Gospels Jesus uses the Abba, “Daddy” title and male pronouns almost exclusively. In his life, ministry, and teaching, there is a fairly consistent description of a paternal Divinity. When Jesus teaches  the disciples how to pray, he speaks of the Father in Heaven. Again, I don’t believe that makes God a man, but it allows a human framework for capturing relationship.

On some level we are hindered in our description of God by whatever faith tradition we live within. I am extremely conscious of the fact that the Bible was written largely if not exclusively by men, during a time in history when women received far less regard and respect than they do today. However, I still only have the text I have, and I personally find it nearly impossible to engage the Gospels without this God-as-Father imagery strongly present in the picture my mind paints

Some choose to use feminine pronouns exclusively when speaking about the Divine (God as Mama or Mother), and while that is certainly a valid choice to express a relational God, I primarily employ those masculine pronouns simply as an effort to use the language Jesus used most. Many use the gender neutral plural pronoun of “They” when speaking of God, and again that is another solution but it’s never been one that resonated with me personally. I believe we all need to give one another Grace and to allow people to put these things into words in a way that is meaningful to them, and to hear from the other why that expression may be a barrier.

Knowing the way the Patriarchal Christian system has historically created, defended, and perpetuated the marginalization, objectification, and mistreatment of women and the LGBTQ community, I try to avoid these male pronouns for God fully realizing that they often feel exclusionary and harmful, and create barriers for many. This is never far from my heart as I speak about the things of God, because I fully believe every human being reflects the character and nature of God equally. As with many matters of faith, it is a challenge to leave behind those images of God we have been raised within, even subconsciously.

Ultimately God is far too vast for the tiny containers we design to hold that God, and that will always be a problem for us here. Some will resonate with gender pronouns, others with non-gender or plural pronouns, or simply with the word GOD. All are valid and should be celebrated equally, for they point to the same sacred place.

God creates.
God loves.
God births.
God protects.
God nurtures.
God rescues.

God caresses.
God avenges.
God weeps.

This God is both male and female, and yet neither male nor female.

Until I can find a way to better to consistently express a relational God who transcends gender and with Whom I feel deeply emotionally connected to, I will probably tend to fall back on He more often than others, and I trust that He, She, It, They—that this scandalously loving God who defies all description or human labeling, understands.

As with all of us, I am trying to find a way to speak using words, about One beyond words.

How do you see, understand, relate to, communicate about God using words? Where do you struggle? When is it a challenge? Do you attribute gender labels to God, even without thinking?

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