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Be Careful: You Might Be Passionate, Committed, Earnest—and Wrong

A year or so ago I was sitting in a hotel coffee shop talking to a young lesbian woman about faith and love and compassion. Just outside the window, pacing in the street in front of us was a man holding a sign that said GOD HATES FAGS. I walked out to where “sign guy” was and attempted to have a conversation with him.

He was pacing back and forth and yelling his throat raw and clearly not in the mode of listening to anyone. After unsuccessfully attempting for a few highly charged minutes to persuade him that his methods were horrible and that he was doing exponentially more harm than good, something occurred to me about this man: We were so very similar, at least in one critical way.

At that moment he was doing exactly what I believed I was doing. He was too was listening for what he believed to be the voice of God and responding in faith. At that moment the story he was telling himself was that he was fighting the good fight. The idea that he could be wrong or hateful or destructive seemingly never crossed his mind. The correctness of his position had already been established and he had moved on to convincing everyone else to agree with him. I recognize that place well. Maybe you do.

This is so often the spot from which we all believe we stand, speak, preach, argue, and condemn: the place of unquestionable virtue.

In any sort of conflict, we always assume that our motives our pure, that our cause is just, that our moral ground is higher than those we face. We so very rarely entertain the idea that we could be mistaken or dangerous or wrong. In our narrative there is usually a clear villain and conveniently it’s never us. Someone else is always brandishing the black hat.

My work allows me to cross paths with thousands of people each week from all across the planet. Regardless of their politics, religious affiliation, upbringing, life stage, or any other qualifier, and no matter how different they appear on the surface they all have one thing in common: They almost always believe they’re right.

You do too. I know I do.

Whether in a theological argument, a political debate, a disagreement at work, a table conversation at home, or a social media joust with a stranger, we often engage others with the assumption that they need to be taught, enlightened, moved, or overcome. And as a result we stop listening, we stop learning, we abandon humility, and we dig in our heels in an attempt to win.

For the record, I believe Sign Guy was horribly wrong in what he was saying, how we was saying it, and in his near total disregard for the basic humanity of LGBTQ people. But what he couldn’t see about himself, was something most of us are never able to see about ourselves. It is our universal blind spot. We never seem to see our darkness. We always assume that we are only bringing light.

Do you have deeply held beliefs? Are you fully invested in those beliefs? Welcome to the club. Most of us feel that way. But the depth of our convictions and the sincerity of our hearts don’t guarantee us moral high ground. That may only be our aspiration. 

These days I’m trying to remember how many times in the past I was so sure of myself, so confident of my position, so fully convinced that I was defending goodness and virtue, and how often I totally dropped the ball. 

Friends, as you face conflict out there, whether up close or from a distance, be careful: you might very well be passionate, committed, earnest—and wrong.

 

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