62 Million Reasons I’m Not the Same Anymore


Some people tell me that I’ve changed; that I’ve become more confrontational and irritable, that I am less tolerant of disagreement now. They say that I seem angrier, that I’m more political. They tell me that I’m not the gentle, loving soul I once was and they regularly click their tongues against the roof of their mouths in judgment, lamenting the person they say I used to be.
 
I could argue with their assessment, but in the interest of time I’ll just go ahead and concede. In fact, I’ll tell them precisely when the change they sense actually began. It began when 62 million people in this country voted for the man who spoke these words, to be our President:
 
I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it.
 
I did try and f*ck her. She was married.I moved on her very heavily. In fact, I took her out furniture shopping.
 
She wanted to get some furniture. I said, “I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.” 
 
I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.
 

Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the p*ssy. You can do anything.

There were plenty of moments before and since of course, but looking back this was a pivot point—one that changed me irrevocably. It made me feel estranged around people I used to feel at home with and it derailed my hope that decency would prevail. And so in many ways this was the moment of my emancipation from feeling obligated to make nice with them; because despite his woefully malignant words and everything they pointed to about his character, his predatory behavior, his misogyny, his indecency, his infidelity, his disregard for the humanity of women, 62 million adults, many of them professed Christians essentially said “This is my guy.”
 
And if you were among those who said it, you can justify it or rationalize it away or spin it any way you want—and I’ll politely but unapologetically tell you you’re full of it. You can pile every real or imagined boogeyman in front of me as a reasonable defense, but at the end of the day you elevated the man who said these words and was guilty of this behavior to the highest office in our country, awarding him the greatest power—and that is solely on you. I will not share the blame with you by my silence.
 
As for me, I know who I am and what I stand for, and it could never be this. So confrontational or not, irritable or not, less tolerant or not, angrier or not, political or not, this is who I am now. I can sleep at night knowing I didn’t co-sign this, that I am still not okay with it—and honestly, I’m not okay with those who are okay with it.
 
And regardless of how uncomfortable it may make some people, I’m fully comfortable with my holy discontent right now, and so all the tone policing and shame-throwing and wrist-slapping in the world isn’t going to deter me or silence me or move me from this path of most resistance. He said what he said, he was rewarded despite having said it, and I have been fundamentally altered and there’s nothing I can do about it now but speak the words I feel called to speak.
 
So yes, I suppose I have changed, and there are about 62 million reasons why. I’d have preferred not to have to have witnessed these days at all or to feel this way about so many people I live with or alongside. I’d have preferred that so many of my Christian brothers and sisters didn’t elevate such malevolence. I’d prefer to be the same person I used to be but that’s not going to happen.
We’re both just going to have to get used to it.
 
 

557 thoughts on “62 Million Reasons I’m Not the Same Anymore

  1. Seriously, do you think you whine and cry enough about Trump? You take everything the media feeds you and you believe it. I’d give you 62 million reasons why you should be doing better research but I will give you ONE. Its called sabotage. That’s what they are doing at every turn. Until you open your eyes, you will never see the truth. The blind will continue to be sheep. Electing Hillary would have continued to lead us down the path of a one One World Government. Pay close attention to the Pope. He preaches a One world Religion. Are you too blind to see what all that would bring? That’s right, the end of times. That’s okay sheepie, continue to be blindly led. The truth will come out and when it does, you will see how wrong you truly are.

    • “…you can justify it or rationalize it away or spin it any way you want—and I’ll politely but unapologetically tell you you’re full of it. You can pile every real or imagined boogeyman in front of me as a reasonable defense, but at the end of the day you elevated the man who said these words and was guilty of this behavior to the highest office in our country, awarding him the greatest power—and that is solely on you.”

  2. Thank you for putting to words exactly how I have been feeling. I appreciate the time you took to share these thoughts and to arrange the words so beautifully so that they not only convey the message that many of us struggle to express and the emotions we have been struggling to define, but that you also have done so in a non-confrontational yet exacting manner.
    I truly appreciate this!

  3. Democrats/liberals are closer to living the values and teachings of Jesus than Republicans. Right now republicans seem to be, ‘I’m taken care of and that’s all that matters.’ Is that what Jesus teaches? The only reason to vote republican was for the supreme court. And I doubt that Roe v Wade will ever be overturned. So, now we’ve got an evil, evil man leading our country. A man that only respects dictators. Dictators that kill innocent people and rule by intimidation. A man that is using his position to create more wealth for his family, while having little regard for the average citizen and how his decisions will affect them. A man that has filled his cabinet with hateful, racist people, who are also wealthy and only care about filling their pockets. Trump has given tacit approval for the resurgence of white supremacy in this country. It’s shameful being an American right now.

  4. Pingback: Political Wreckage – A Place for the Thoughts of This Tripartite Being

  5. As Joe Walsh once observed, “Everybody’s different; I haven’t changed.”

    You haven’t changed.

  6. Exactly! Spot on! I agree with everything you said. Thank you for saying it so well. I too am shocked and horrified at people I thought I knew, that they could support and make excuses for this vile man and all the hateful vile people he has surrounded himself with … people I know are complicit in this disaster and I resent it! I try to be cordial but could never be friends in the same way, could never really trust them again. They were hiding this hate and racism all this time. I feel betrayed and that I woke in a country that I can’t even recognize. Thank you for speaking for us!

  7. I was raised in an evangelical Calvinist denomination during a time when members howled about abortion but had no problem with a draft that sent tens of thousands of boys from poor families to their deaths, or with institutionalized racism or economic injustice. I left church the minute I graduated high school, and stayed away from religion for a decade. It’s all about following Jesus’s example, and he had a lot to say about how we treat “the least of these.” I didn’t see much evidence of him in the church of my youth. Most of my unchurched friends don’t hate Christians; like me at 18, they just don’t see any reasons to join.

  8. Most of you who commented apparently forgot what the article was about. But then, that’s what you usually do. I am also changed by the fact that 62 million people and many of them professed christians voted for that monster. I become more and more despondent over the unveiling of his presidency, and that they still defend him. He needs to be removed from office. This could be the start of a very trying and violent time in our country. It actually is more violent. People feel empowered to violence against muslims and mexicans more than ever. I no longer will align myself with “american christianity”. I am a believer in God and follow the teachings of His son. All of you who put him into place will be dreading your lack of conviction. Your far right religious leaders have drug you down, but you chose to listen to them and not to truth and love.

  9. Where were your crocodile tears and outrage when the last occupant of the White House pledged the nation’s support to the world’s largest purveyors of abortions, who dropped an estimated 27,000 bombs on other countries?

    >crickets<

    • TedSalas – Sounds as if you’ve bought into some of the silly tripe peddled on various right wing misinformation sites. It’s more than a bit disingenuous of them to claim Mr. Obama did nothing, then complain he did too much, almost in the same breath. Your crocodile tears and outrage are being used against you by cynical billionaires who intend to become even richer at your expense.

    • “…you can justify it or rationalize it away or spin it any way you want—and I’ll politely but unapologetically tell you you’re full of it. You can pile every real or imagined boogeyman in front of me as a reasonable defense, but at the end of the day you elevated the man who said these words and was guilty of this behavior to the highest office in our country, awarding him the greatest power—and that is solely on you.”

  10. I am late to the party. I just read this piece this morning. You are a man of courage. You are honest. You are what I had always believed a Christian is. You are the real deal- a rare find.
    Thank you.

  11. Thank you for putting my feelings so perfectly into words for me. Just another frustration that I can’t seem to do it myself anymore. I’m too overwhelmed, powerless, and dizzy with disbelief to organize all of the non-sense we are bombarded with every day into comprehensible thoughts and words. It seemed pointless anyway because they won’t listen and don’t care. But I feel much better now, to know I’m not alone, so in that sense I guess it’s not pointless after all.

  12. Well said. The current occupant of the White House, masquerading as a human being, is more than reprehensible, and the fact that so many voted for him has soured my life and taken away so much joy.

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