Christian Parents of LGBTQ Children: The Church Has Been Wrong

Parents out there with LGBTQ children: I see you.

I see your held back tears and the weariness you wear and the weight upon your shoulders.

I hear you when you tell me how difficult this all is. I hear you when you talk about your frustration. 

I hear you when you share your stories of tears and humiliation.

I hear the grief in your voice when you talk about the faith you used to have or the prayers you used to say or the church where you used to feel welcome or the God your child once believed in.

I hear you when you say you feel like a failure—and I want you to know that you haven’t failed.

Your children haven’t failed either.

The Church has failed you.

It is the Church, not you who have been wrong:

If the Church ever made you feel like you had to choose between loving God and loving your LGBTQ kids, the Church was wrong.

If the Church ever made you believe that your children couldn’t be both gay and Christian, the Church was wrong.

If the Church ever forced or pulled your child out of a ministry position he or she loved simply because of their gender identity or sexual orientation, the Church was wrong.

If The Church ever caused you to resent your son or your daughter without realizing it, the Church was wrong.

If the Church ever shunned your family with silence or forced distance upon you because of your desire to love and accept your children fully, the Church was wrong.

If the Church ever caused a fracture in your friendships or your marriage or your family, the Church was wrong.

If the Church openly embarrassed your child by name on social media or from the pulpit or to the congregation, the Church was wrong.

If the Church threatened you with Hell for choosing to defend your children from its cruelty, the Church was wrong.

If the Church ever told you that you and your child could pray away something that was the truest part of who they are, the Church was wrong.

Now The Church for you, may be a pastor or local church staff you know well. It may be a group of people in your faith community you used to call friends. It may be a denomination or organization. It may be a high-profile Evangelist. It may be a callous, hateful stranger on social media.

Whatever the source of the damage done to you in the name of Jesus or on behalf of God, I want you to know that these people didn’t have the consent of God when they did these things—and I’m sorry that they’ve done them.

I’m sorry for every pastor, priest, preacher, Sunday School teacher, worship leader, small group member, sign holder, bullhorn wielder, or pew sitter who ever became a barrier between you and your children, or between your family and Jesus.

They were wrong.

You deserve better.

Your children do too.

These words won’t undo the damage or repair your relationship with the Church or give you back all that you’ve lost, but maybe it will make you feel less alone, maybe a little more hopeful, maybe a bit more sane.

Maybe this apology, even if it’s not the one you need or deserve, will bring some peace.

Your children, as you’ve always known or are just beginning to remember—are beautiful.

They are deserving of your pride and your celebration and your bragging on them. They are deserving of joy and lightness and laughter, and I hope they have these things in great abundance for the rest of their lives.

I hope you never let the Church when it is wrong, temper your love for your children, your confidence in your own worth as a parent, or your belief in a good God who completely adores you and them.

If you ever need a pastor who will say the words your family should have heard from a pastor long ago, you know where to find me.

Be greatly encouraged today.

 

66 thoughts on “Christian Parents of LGBTQ Children: The Church Has Been Wrong

  1. Thank you. All the things you talk about in this article happened when my son came out. It took me 2 years to say out loud to another human being outside my family that my son is gay. I was shortly after removed as a Sunday school teacher at my church. We stayed far too long after that. The side glances and whispers were hard to take. It still hurts sometimes. We have found a church that is accepting and affirming. I am grateful for all my fellow believers who stand with us. God bless you.

  2. Thank you, and if you didn’t know it, I will tell you now, you speak for a lot of us who are in the church and out of the church, with LGBTQ children or straight children. Thank you for reminding everyone that God loves everyone, equally. Equality started with God and it is up to us to pass it on. As someone who spent most of my life in the church, working for the good of the church, it disappoints me when some behave as if God has different degrees of love depending on who you are. Baloney, He/She loves us as we are. This business that you are somehow loved more because of what church you go to or who you love is wrong. It will be interesting to see them try to explain that to God, I don’t think He/She will be impressed. I suspect there will be more interest in how you treated everyone you came in contact with, not just the chosen few you think believe in the correct way and attend the correct church. I am hoping I get a front row seat when they have to explain their judgments and hatred. I know that isn’t nice but boy, sometimes it makes one weary and you have to have something to look forward to. Peace and Love,

    • When you say “peace and love” to whom are you directing that?

      To everyone on this board?

      And you’re right, it’s “not nice” to look forward to someone’s judgement or suffering. In fact, it’s much worse than “not nice.” You should be sending those people you look down on some “peace and love” and pray for their conversion.

      You seem to be continually praying the prayer of “Thank you God that I’m so good and not like that evil man over there…”

      God loves us as we are, but loves us enough to change us into something better, and we shouldn’t resist that. He loves the prostitute, but he loves her enough to tell her to repent and “Go and sin no more.”

      I’ve gone to church regularly for 23 years and have never met Christians as nasty and lowly as those you seem to have been cursed to be surrounded by and of whom you often complain. It’s frankly very hard for me to believe. Maybe you were involved in a tiny sect and didn’t have a chance to see the bigger picture?

      • In my city 4 out of 10 homeless teens are LGBT, most of them tossed out into the streets like trash by their Christian parents. I myself was barred from attending my own child’s funeral when they were told I was gay. The history of the church, including the Catholic church, is one of horrific violence against LGBT people, including burnings at the stake. But if you get your head out of your butt and actually communicate to the LGBT youth in your church, you will find out there are injustices and cruel words and acts they endure today. You just live in a bubble, Joe Catholic. Your church is vicious, falsely using psychological terms like “disordered” and adding adjectives like “gravely” to it to describe LGBT people. This is wrong. This is cruel. This is uneducated by choice. There is no method to cure a LGBT person as sexual orientation is not a choice. It cannot be changed at will. You live inside a faux reality.

  3. John, what tender, loving, and prophetic words to parents of LGBTQ children.

    The Church is wrong because it is working on “information” that’s been around long before modern science existed. The Church has been notoriously slow to accept the findings of modern science.

    The Millennials are leaving such churches in droves. The Episcopal Church in the USA is seeing an upsurge in Millennials attending our churches and joining our parishes. They love our liturgy and they also love it that when our signs plastered all over the USA say “All are welcome” we really do mean every shade of “all” there is.

    Yes, this needed to be said because the anguish the Church causes parents of LGBTQ parents is Just Plain Wrong.

    • Thank you for sharing this – thankfully no longer living within the man made constraints of the Christian “rule book”.

    • So glad to see this. Mike and I used to speak at each other’s churches and ate lunch often back in Charlotte. He was a good friend. He’d fallen into Pro-Trump support during the election and he didn’t like my anti-Trump position. This gives me hope.

  4. I would just like to add a couple of things to the John Pavlovitz main post today:

    (1) If you attend a Christian fundamentalist or conservative evangelical church—and you have an LGBTQ child, you need to get your child and the rest of your family out of that church ASAP. The fundies are very angry about gay marriage and gender issues in the Age of Trump. Because Trump is in office, they have become emboldened, and a new nationwide pattern of discrimination and persecution against LGBTQ people and their families is developing in their churches, out on the streets, in fundie businesses, and in the American legal sphere. You do not want your child or your family to be at point-blank range when this trend gets really bad.

    (2) I have an on-line tool that can help you to find a church where you are less likely to be hated, discriminated against, and persecuted. It is not a guarantee, but you can be more successful than you otherwise might be in finding a safe church home in which to weather the coming storm. You may access it by clicking on the following safe link:

    https://faith17983.wordpress.com/2016/04/30/escape-from-abuse-at-your-church/

    • Very true Charles. When people are full of hate and prejudice they tend to take it out on the most vulnerable targets. We are living in dangerous times for marginalized groups. The “culture war” that the Fundamentalists started, and lost, is quickly going into the guerrilla stage. The word peace seems to not be in their vocabulary anymore.

  5. Religion is a man-made belief-structure intended to be a masses control device. Spirituality is a one-on-one personal relationship with All-That-Is- a “religion” of ONE. The way to Directly Experience a true Spirituality often negates the need for religion as anything other than a community social experience- valid- but not the whole truth.

    That thing- that “religion”- has done tremendous damage and it should be held accountable for that damage. Thank you for being part of the solution…

  6. Thank you! I have a transgender daughter who has completely turned away from God. I am lucky to now belong to a church that the pastor is supportive although the church itself has beliefs not supported by me. Still I’m happier here then not being involved. My daughter was told some awful things by her youth minister. She didn’t tell me about it until years later. I was so upset that it turned me away from church for years. I keep praying for my daughter that she will know the love of God in her life.

  7. I firmly believe that the next great revival (in its proper sense, not just a tent set up by the roadside) will be led in byChristians from the LGBTQ+ ‘community’. Who better to tell of the huge, all-accepting, all-encompassing, all-inclusive Love of God than those who have been rejected, scorned, shunned, ridiculed and rebuffed by those in the churches who have, once again, lost the plot?

    Be encouraged, those who are in this fight. Be encouraged, those who advocate for these dear ones. Your time is at hand.

    • Tony, you stated, “I firmly believe that the next great revival (in its proper sense, not just a tent set up by the roadside) will be led in by Christians from the LGBTQ+ ‘community’.”

      I’m glad you stated that. And I’ve firmly believed that LGBTQ+ have held a special place in God’s heart; that He had a particular, divine task for this community. And I have no idea how to draw my kindred back from the damage though. I just have to speak and affirm one person at a time.

      In small group last Sunday, we talked about purpose. How to pinpont the intersection of our gifts, passion, and purpose into determining His calling on our lives. I feel a compulsion to let my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters know that He loves them still, has purpose for them; all is not lost. I ache for them. I want to tell them, as humanly imperfect as we ALL are, to come back. I want to tell them to raise their heads and teach the world to love. To give their gifts.

      I see such glimmering light in them; a longing. A beauty I cannot describe.

      I am so glad you wrote that. I believe that too.

      • I hope to G-d that you and Tony are right. Unfortunately, where I live, that is not going to happen in my lifetime. There are dozens of churches within 10 miles of my home but not one of them is affirming. My sister has the same problem. That is why we don’t go to church.

  8. Accusation or Conviction?
    It has become a common theme spoken from PULPITS everywhere…yet it almost ALWAYS comes without qualification…creating instead a FALSE NARRATIVE that can leave SINNERS believing they are in right-standing with God:
    “Do not believe what Satan says about you…believe what God says about you! And God says you are blessed and favored! Satan ACCUSES…while God COMPLIMENTS! Satan points out your SIN…God points out His GRACE!”
    Yes…there is a VERY dangerous aspect to this type of declaration…and its distortion of TRUTH can have ETERNAL consequences.
    The DANGER found within it centers around one doctrine found within Scripture:
    Conviction.
    Read the words of Jesus as He speaks of the Holy Spirit:
    John 16:5-11 But now I go away to Him who sent Me, and none of you asks Me, ‘Where are You going?’ 6 But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. 7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. 8 And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: 9 of sin, because they do not believe in Me; 10 of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; 11 of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.
    Then…notice the words of Jude as he references Enoch’s prophecy about Jesus:
    “Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of His saints, to execute judgment on all, to convict all who are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have committed in an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things which ungodly sinners have spoken against Him.” (Jude 1:14-15)
    We live in troubling times…in a time of DECEPTION…and the Church now mistakes the CONVICTING voice of the Holy Spirit as the ACCUSING voice of Satan.
    Under a FALSE definition of “love”…the Church marches on…never knowing it EXITED that STRAIGHT and NARROW road.
    Satan has SUCCESSFULLY sold the Church on a DEADLY lie as he proclaims from PULPITS everywhere:
    “That ‘still, small voice’ is bringing ACCUSATION…not CONVICTION!”
    We forget the role of the Holy Spirit…even the very PURPOSE of the Word of God:
    2 Timothy 3:16 All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
    We so often HATE the “reproof” and “correction” of God…as most “Christians” today almost DESPISE any “instruction in righteousness” and in “doctrine.”
    Though we WANT to…be sure of this:
    God will NEVER let us simply SIN in PEACE.
    So…what do we NEED to hear today…and what TRUTH must we EMBRACE if we are ever to walk in DISCERNMENT?
    This is but a beginning:
    NEVER believe the voices that say God will never make you feel BAD about yourself.
    When Jesus rebuked Peter….I am SURE that Peter was not OVERJOYED upon hearing these words:
    “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” (Matthew 16:23)
    So…tell me again how God will not speak anything to us that makes us feel BAD about ourselves?
    And…Jesus did not hold back…whether with SINNERS or SAINTS…as He stated the TRUTH so many times…and that TRUTH was HARSH and CONVICTING.
    Today…we have LIARS sitting in pews…we have ADULTERERS sitting in pews…we have HOMOSEXUALS sitting in pews…
    …and most PULPITS are telling those LIARS and ADULTERERS and HOMOSEXUALS that they should NOT believe what “some spirit” is saying about them…and the overriding MESSAGE being HEARD by those “itching ears” is that only SATAN would say such things about them!
    The TRUTH?
    Only Satan would tell a SINNER that he is NOT a SINNER…and it IS NOT the Holy Spirit….I say it again…it IS NOT the Holy Spirit…telling PULPITS to preach such DECEPTIVE and SIN-IGNORING messages.
    Trust me:
    If you are compromising truth by catering to itching ears…if you are more worried about ATTENDANCE than you are HOLINESS…if you are packaging GREED and COVETOUSNESS under the guise of the “Prosperity Gospel”…if you are disguising FEAR of being DISLIKED as “love”…if you remain SILENT in the face of FALSE TEACHING…if you believe Jesus died for our sins simply to allow us to cry “Grace!” as we remain SINFUL…and if you have never FORSAKEN your SIN yet you do not want to “feel bad” about yourself…
    …then know this:
    The Holy Spirit is the one CONVICTING you of your SIN…and He is doing this because He LOVES you!
    Why?
    God loves you SO MUCH that He will NOT let you take the WIDE road that leads to DESTRUCTION (Matthew 7:13) without TRYING to STOP you from spending ETERNITY in the Lake of Fire.
    We MUST stop DESPISING the REPROOF and CORRECTION of the Lord…as it is for our own good.
    Hebrews 12:5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
    The Church has become SO concerned with being “uplifting” that we have failed to be CONVICTING.
    Read these words of Paul to Titus:
    “…that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.” (Titus 1:9)
    The Word should bring CONVICTION to those living in SIN…and…if the PULPIT speaks a message that does not CONVICT…then that PULPIT is not truly preaching the Word.
    THAT is why pulpits MUST preach the Word…expounding on Scripture…and they must STOP preaching MOTIVATIONAL, SELF-HELP sermons filled with “inspirational stories” and empty platitudes.
    Paul spoke of these “deceivers”…those who do NOT fill a PULPIT for the purpose of speaking TRUTH….but they see PASTORING and PREACHING as an easy way to make a decent SALARY…as he wrote to Titus:
    Titus 1:10-11 For there are many insubordinate, both idle talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, 11 whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole households, teaching things which they ought not, for the sake of dishonest gain.
    Paul then tells Titus to CONFRONT these DECEIVERS:
    “Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith, not giving heed to Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth.” (Titus 1:13-14)
    Somehow…the Church bought into a SELF-ESTEEM gospel…and it has raised up a very SELF-CENTERED generation.
    Many who even BOTHER to read this will lack the DISCERNMENT to comprehend its TRUTH…and in the days to come some of you will post the latest SELF-ESTEEM platitude spewed forth from the PULPIT, FB PAGE, and/or TWITTER ACCOUNT of one of your favorite MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS who simply MASQUERADES as a PASTOR/TEACHER…
    …and the message will be:
    “Do not listen to ANY voice of CONVICTION! Do not listen to ANY voice of CORRECTION! Do not let anyone JUDGE you! You are PRECIOUS to God…just as you are!”
    And…Satan will laugh gleefully. ~Ron Smith

    • I’m truly sorry you think being gay is a sin. It’s not. That’s the false message, the message from Satan. And he only managed to get it in print among Christians, in badly translated vernacular Bibles, about 400 years ago. But that lie, that God condemns homosexuality, originated in Islam in 600 AD. You won’t find a single verse of scripture in the Hebrew and Greek texts of the Bible that will agree with that notion, or that even directly mentions homosexuality.

      http://hoperemains.webs.com

    • Amen brother!! I am sickened by the blasphemous words written by this so called “pastor “!!! Taking the conviction of the Holy Spirit & saying those convictions come from satan is an unforgivable sin & this pastor has damned himself to hell! God tells us that to blaspheme the Holy Spirit is unforgivable! But this is where the world is…. what is good is considered evil & what is evil is considered good!! Clear indications that we are living in the last days! Since the whole Bruce Jenner thing, the transgender movement & agenda has progressed at alarming speed!! I’m almost embarrassed by humanity as it pushes this evil narrative down our throats!!! God would never sanction or approve of the transgender movement! His creation is not flawed! God is not the author of chaos & confusion!!! Satan is!! God would not give someone the “brain of a boy” in a female body, etc, causing a person to be confused about who they are! This is a lie straight from the pit of hell!! God makes no mistakes! If he created you to be male, you are a male! If he created you to be female, you are a female! Satan is the great deceiver & this lie he is pushing, saying God is ok with all of this is going to do nothing more than give someone a one way ticket to Hell!!! God is not pleased with all of this!! He is grieved by it & I totally believe that the eclipse on 8/21/17 is a warning to this country, which I believe is the sign of Jonah that the Bible says will be given to the wicked as a warning to repent in the last days because God’s judgment & wrath will be poured out on this nation & the world very soon! It comes exactly 33 days (&Jesus was 33 at the time of his crucifixion) before the Revelation 12 sign which says that this will happen at the beginning of a time of great sorrow & tribulation… we are entering the last days & Satan knows his time is short & he is a “roaring lion, looking for souls to steal ” !! Thank you Ron White for pointing out the lies behind the words in this so called ‘pastor’s’ blog! God will never be ok with sin!!!

      • Let me share something with you: As a young gay man in a Christian church, I endured a great deal of condemnation. My pastor had taken me aside and made sure I understood God had no use for me, that I was dirty and sinful, and had me convinced that someday I would take my own life. When he “outed” me to the church, many of them turned against me.
        I should point out that I still believed being gay was wrong, and was trying to change. But those people didn’t help me… they condemned me.
        And since I believed their lie, that God condemned me, and since I couldn’t change what I was, that is, I couldn’t stop being attracted to men or make myself attracted to women, and since years of prayer and fasting, etc., hadn’t resulted in God changing me, I concluded that God indeed had no use for me. And I left God completely, despite having had a call to ministry since early childhood.
        It was God who pulled me back to Him. And the very same voice that had called me to be a minister as a child spoke to me again. And do you know what He told me? He said, “I love you just the way you are. All the condemnation you felt came from people, not from Me.”
        Do you understand how powerful a message that was? I was at work when He told me that, with other people around. But it didn’t matter: I broke down and cried. But being a Pentecostal, I couldn’t just dismiss scripture. So I asked Him, “What about the scriptures?” And He answered me with one word: “Study.” But what He didn’t say told me so much more. I had already studied the Bible. I knew the KJV inside out. I once told my pastor I could quote the verses against homosexuality better than he could read them. But that wasn’t what God wanted me to study.
        Ever since I was a boy, I have loved languages, all languages. I started studying Greek from native Greeks when I was about 11, and could now read it fairly well. I had promised myself as a boy that I would also learn to read Hebrew someday, and I had done just that when I was in my late teens. I was even teaching Hebrew. What God wanted me to study was the Bible as it had originally been written, NOT as it had been translated and paraphrased.
        So I did. I expected to see nothing new. I had been taught that KJV was fully accurate. I now learned that wasn’t so. It is full of deliberate mistranslations. as are all commonly available vernacular Bibles. And I also learned that originally the Bible never even mentioned homosexuality directly, and certainly did not condemn it. The indirect mention of it, in the form of same-sex marriages in the Old Testament, was not at all negative. I learned that Bibles only began to be mistranslated to make it appear that God was anti-homosexual about 400 years ago.
        So no, there was no conviction from God in regard to my sexual orientation. I was EXACTLY who He had created me to be. And I did go into ministry. I worked for many years telling other LGBT people exactly what God had told me: that He loves them as they are, and that the condemnation they had received for being who they are had come only from people, not from Him.

        • Thank you for your elegant post. There are many of us that are in the same boat as we strive to be who we are. Unfortunately we have difficult times ahead. We will find out that some of our best friends may abandon us because of who we are. That process started last year and will get worse as time goes on. Somehow I know that, in the end, we will prevail.

        • Bill, I would kindly disagree with your assessment of 400 years ago and your interpretation of both the Greek and Hebrew. One of the first english Bibles that was translated goes back over 600 years to the late 1300s. It also clearly translates what modern Bibles render ‘homosexuality’ to it’s culturally relevant term ‘lechery’ citing man with man as an example. The intention in the original languages are very clear.

          Yes, people in the Church have done wrong. We can and should engage better. But let’s not do it with bad hermeneutics and uncivil discussion on either side. The God of the Bible certainly is Love but He is also more than that and I must submit to Him and not the other way around. So I will try to humbly follow and do the best I can. In this I pray that if you find offense it would not be from my behavior.

          Signed a conservative that truly tries to love others and love God.

          • I would disagree with your interpretation of Wycliffe. What the word lechery means is not in question. But Wycliffe said “lechery of a woman.” That means having sex with a woman. Wycliffe understood the verses in Leviticus (18:22 and 20:13) to mean that the woman was present in her bed, and that two men could not lie with her at the same time. In other words, if a man is having sex with a woman, another man was not to be in the bed with them.
            Wycliffe’s version of those verses is a paraphrase, rather than a translation, just like all modern versions. The difference is that his paraphrase falls within the realm of possibility as far as meaning what the Hebrew text actually says. The newer translations, 17th century to the present, do not.
            Wycliffe understood, evidently, that under the Law of Moses, a woman’s bed was her own. Husbands and wives did not generally share a single bed out of practicality: there were a few days each month he wouldn’t have been allowed in bed with her, in addition to any days she had any extra-menstrual discharge, or for a certain number of days after she had given birth.
            Wycliffe saw the phrase “mishkvei ishah” in the Hebrew text, which means “a woman’s bed,” and assumed that the woman would naturally be present in her own bed. The Hebrew text doesn’t make that assumption, but it isn’t out of the realm of possibility by any means. It just isn’t completely relevant: The wording of the Hebrew forbids two males to lie down together in that location… at any time, for any reason. Sex is not mentioned.
            The “translations” of the last 400 years, on the other hand, aren’t linguistically possible. They all ignore the mention of a specific location, instead misrepresenting it as an action of sex, and they all insert comparisons (“as with”) not found in the Hebrew text. Comparison like that cannot be “understood” in Hebrew, but must be explicitly stated.
            The word “mishkvei” (“bed of…”) only appears three times in the entire Old Testament. Two of those are the two verses in Leviticus, where it is paired with the word “ishah” (“a woman”). This gives us “bed of a woman,” or, less awkwardly, “a woman’s bed.” This is a place, a thing. The only other use of the word mishkvei is in Genesis 49, where it was paired with the word “avicha” (“thy father”), giving “bed of thy father,” or, again, less awkwardly, “thy father’s bed.” And most translators render “mishkvei avicha” as “thy father’s bed.” But somehow, when the same word is coupled with “a woman,” it is suddenly about sexual relations with a woman? If we used that exact same reasoning, we would be forced to conclude that Reuben had had sex with his father Jacob, which is not at all what had happened. Rather, he had gone into his father’s bed, and then had sex with his stepmother who was in there.

          • Jim, if your God is an authoritarian dictator making arbitrary rules and says that LGBT people don’t deserve civil rights and should be thrown out of God’s churches, your God may be defective.

      • All of you religious fanatics are the same– ranting with caps on and exclamation points and blubbering threats and manufacturing horrors. You remind me of the prophets of Baal who prayed and danced and cut themselves and screamed to the heavens, but God paid no attention to them because they were wrong.

        God isn’t listening to you. He is listening to those who are caring for LGBT people and who are binding up their wounds and healing their broken hearts because they were ostracized and hated by your congregations.

        • Exactly Beamer. These Fundamentalist Evangelicals know they are losing the heart and minds so they are resorting to shouting out their condemnation and striving to make America a theocracy to cement their power before they lose their might in politics and business. The Constitution has become a bothersome document so they are trying to deny equal right to people they don’t like: the LGBTQ community, the Muslims, and Liberal Christians (the ones following Matthew 25). If we resist and oppose them we can win equality for everyone. The fact that they are fighting us out in the open instead of bashing, threatening, and sometimes killing us one at a time is telling.

      • Jodi – you are mistaken when you say: “If he created you to be male, you are a male! If he created you to be female, you are a female!”
        God/Creation has made many varieties of humans. Are you familiar with intersex variations? Look it up in Wikipedia or check out the Intersex Society of North America.
        My best friend is intersex. Here is one definition: “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.”
        This is what some people are born with.
        God doesn’t make mistakes. God has made gay children, transgender children, intersex children.
        All are right in the eyes of God and deserving of love and respect.

    • Tkayesh? Who are you preaching to? If I might ask-

      I’ve had trouble lately. I’ve been assaulted with words from people close by, that I’ve loved, that I’ve trusted. It’s hurt deeply.

      But I heard an embrace of a message; a word today- from far away. A gift from a small voice. I was instructed to just be. Just be in His presence. And I did.

      And I realized His grace is enough… and while I’m yet a sinner.

      I’m so sorry you cannot provide that comfort, that reminder, for someone who needs it so desperately from you today.

      • Weird, I got the same message. I moved a stone in my yard today (I had forgotten I had it) from one place to another, it say’s “Be still and know that I am”. Peace and Love,

        • I like your stone, Kathleen. I need reminders, often, that it’s not about me. It’s always been and always will be, about Him. 👍

      • I’m sorry that people close to you are verbally assaulting and abusing you just for being you. No one deserves that. That little voice is right, just simply be.

        • Thanks Robin for your compassion. Yes, I need to listen to that little voice more often.

          When I let go of all those conflicting voices, and just rest in Him, I feel the tension subside, the weight come off.

          I sometimes wonder if we really let go and stopped to feel His peace- and, if loving Him, would turn about and load up others with those “should” and “ought” burdens. That just doesn’t seem to be the appropriate response to such grace.

          I love Christ and have asked him to guide my life, therefore I try, as feebly best, to honor Him. That’s it. I know I will trip up, fall down, be far less on any given day. I admit it. So why all this sin shaming from others?

          I’m grateful for my recovery family. They’re authentic and transparent; quick to confess their OWN shortcomings. Taking steps to work on their OWN sin. Are welcoming and forgiving because they know they’re welcomed and forgiven. Support rather than shame others. Have open arms rather than closed fists and Bible-hurling stances.

          These days, I just don’t get non-recovery, professing Christians and others… So quick to inflict shame and pain. But particularly Christians. They embarrass me.

          I follow your comments and I want to say to you-take heart. He sees. Do not be afraid of them.

    • Wow i totally agree with you Ron too much ear tickling going these days..these so called Christians have forgotten the verse in the bible that says it’s an abomination regarding homosexual lifestyle Jesus is coming get right get left. I don’t care agrees with what i say it’s what the bible says

      • There is NO verse in the Bible in the original languages that says homosexuality is an abomination. Not a single one. Do you know what that means? It means that if YOUR Bible calls homosexuality an abomination, the translators of YOUR Bible were liars. That’s right. They lied to you. Stop believing every word you read there, and heed Paul’s advice to Timothy: Study to show yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, correctly dividing the word of truth.
        That has to involve more than memorizing verses from a favorite translation and just assuming they were translated correctly. Especially if those verses cause you to treat an entire minority as second-class citizens. You need to learn what the Bible said about this, and what it did NOT say, before it was translated. Hope Remains is a good place to start:
        http://hoperemains.webs.com

  9. Thank you, PJ. This means so much. Those of us who have been harmed by the church as a whole need this. Your kids are so fortunate to have such an amazing Daddy, and your congregation is so blessed to have such a compassionate Pastor.

  10. When we or any nation tells lies to our children and the blames others for the outcome .
    well this is what you get.
    Tell the whole truth, Love Your Children, Give them a safe haven , but let them know it is a choice , not what your born with.
    Decisions we make have consequences and outcomes we or anyone else cannot fix. or repair.
    To Tell some they are born this way or that is to tell them to not trust that God knows what he is doing. and thereby tell God He is Wrong.
    If you are from the seed of Corruption , sin from adam,
    Please Be correct in what you tell , and speak the whole Truth , not half truth s .
    God will always Forgive , Recieve, accept you as you are , people well , they have issues.
    Love your neighbor as yourself means acceptance like you are .
    Jesus christ wants you back from sin, rebellion, from those who would lead you into false reality’s
    peace and love be with you all

    • If you tell your LGBT children that they have chosen to be who they are, then you are lying to them… and they know it. They know full well they didn’t choose anything. So when you hand them the convenient lie that it is a choice, you can forget about them ever believing anything you say to them after that.
      Nobody on earth has the power to “choose” to be sexually attracted to one sex, but not at all attracted to the other. Such attractions are innate and immutable. And nobody on earth can choose their gender identity. It is equally innate and immutable.

  11. Thank you for always being so supportive. My father was asked not return to a church he was trying to join because he dared disagree with the pastor during a bible study on reproductive rights. My father never went to church again. My heart still breaks a little when I think of how much he wanted to explore God in his life at that point only to get his hand slapped because he didn’t toe the line.

  12. all these commenters saying you are right and they agree with you. yet i bet they keep quiet and never speak up when they hear their church speak against gays, their pastors advise parents to shun their gay children. shame. shame on them

    • You’d be surprised at how many do speak out… and are often thrown out for it. Years ago, I knew a couple that was anti-gay. They were strict Pentecostals. When their nephew, a gay Pentecostal minister, invited them to attend service at a church conference, they refused. Then they changed their minds. They did come… for the sole purpose of telling all those gay people how wrong they were. Fifteen minutes into the service, the wife walked to the front of the room, and got everyone’s attention. With tears in her eyes, she told why they had come… and that they now realized how wrong they themselves were. She told them she felt the Spirit of God there, and knew that God was blessing their work.
      She and her husband took that message back to their church. Any time someone said anything against gay people, they spoke up. And they continued to do so for the rest of their lives.

    • Not all of us. My husband is a retired pastor, and we spoke out long before it was even in the mainstream. Some of us have been there, not very many, but please don’t throw all of us under the bus. Peace,

    • How can I speak out in a church that has practically abandoned me for who I am? You know it gets tiresome to speak on behalf of us LGBTQ people every darn where! Sometimes I don’t speak out to my “Trump Republican Jesus Christian” co-worker spewing hatred against transgender people because I don’t want to hear him anymore about it. He loathes me already for me calling out his crap once.

  13. As the mom of a bi son, thank you. These words were like water in a parched desert to me. Jesus is alright with me, but I don’t have a lot of use for the evangelical church. My son spends a lot of time being hostile toward religion and doesn’t believe in God at all. Well done, Church.

  14. I, personally, am not LGBTQ but belief in human kindness and not excluding people for being open about who they are. After much searching, I found Unity church, an inclusive group that supports and acknowledges every person’s uniqueness. I would invite people to look into the Unity church in their area as a possible place of worship.

  15. And yet the Bible clearly says that it’s an abomination. I’m glad that you’re taking the side of the LGBTQ community, but instead of ignoring what the Bible says or trying to cherry-pick to get around it, it’s time to grow up and realize that a secular moral system is vastly superior to anything Bible-based that a church can put out. You’re already on your way there – you’ve taken a moral stance at odds with the words of a supposed god. Now take the next step.

    • Flawed translations of the Bible call it an abomination. The oldest of those is only about 400 years old. Older translations, and the original languages, do not call it an abomination.

    • Yes, yes, I get it. We are abominations. We don’t deserve civil rights. We don’t deserve to live. Yada yada yada. Same old stuff, different day. The same was said of the Jews a hundred years ago and look what happened.

      Never again! I’m warning all of you hypocrite bigots.

  16. Pingback: Morning Reading . . . – Davison's Doodle

    • Absolutely true… and the definition of sin is “willful disobedience to the stated will of God.” That means that in order for something to be classified as sin, God has to have SPECIFICALLY forbidden it. We are NOT allowed to add our own pet peeves to that list, things that we find abominable or distasteful.
      Sadly, throughout the last few millennia, religious people have done just that. But it actually began in the Garden of Eden, if we want to see an example of the phenomenon of human nature: When the serpent confronted Eve about what God had forbidden (“Did God really say you couldn’t eat from any of the trees of the garden?”), she “corrected” him, informing him of God’s actual restriction, but added one of her own! She told the serpent they were not to eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, or even touch it, lest they die. But God never told them not to touch the tree. While that may have been a great idea, it wasn’t God’s prohibition, but their own.
      Both ancient Judaism and Christianity had a history of adding their own prohibitions to God’s list, while simultaneously ignoring prohibitions He had placed there.
      Being LGBT is not a sin. Period. How can I say that? Easy: God never said it was a sin. What English or other vernacular translations of the Bible say is pretty much irrelevant. They aren’t accurate by a long shot. What matters is what was originally written.
      We can easily obtain copies of the ancient Hebrew and Greek texts and get a very good picture of exactly what God called sin and what He did not. Homosexuality is not directly mentioned in those texts, and therefore, God did not call it a sin. It is indirectly mentioned, but that mention is positive, not negative. Being transgender isn’t mentioned. None of the writers of the Bible understood such things, to start with. The idea of gender identity, or that it could be at odds with physical sex, wouldn’t be understood in some cultures for thousands of years. (Some world cultures actually understood the phenomenon long ago and accepted it.) But the Bible does not mention it.
      In that regard, some would point out the verse that says God created them male and female. But that verse won’t help them in this debate. The reason is that the word “them” in that verse wasn’t referring to the whole human race, but only to the first two humans, the only two God ever created “from scratch.” All the rest were born according to the laws of biology and genetics, and that is not always binary: Children are not infrequently born with organs of both sexes. Some are born with sex chromosomes that don’t match their physical sex (XY females, XX males). Some are born with two sets of sex chromosomes, XX and XY, and in such cases, may even be internally one sex and externally the other. And, like it or not, some are born with a gender identity that does not match their physical sex.
      Transitioning to the desired sex in order to conform to gender identity (which is immutable by any known means) is no more a sin than surgically correcting a cleft palate. It simply corrects an error that occurred in utero.
      We cannot call such surgery a sin without adding to God’s word. And He does specifically state in the original texts that doing that is a sin.
      Likewise, we cannot call it a sin if two persons of the same sex fall in love and marry, because God didn’t call it a sin. (And in fact, scripture in the original languages records two such events, where same-sex couples fell in love and married, and in the case of one of those, specifies that God put the two together.)

  17. “Whatever the source of the damage done to you in the name of Jesus or on behalf of God, I want you to know that these people didn’t have the consent of God when they did these things—and I’m sorry that they’ve done them.

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