Yes, I’m Angry, Friend. I Wish You Were.

/ John Pavlovitz

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your note to let me know you’re worried about me, that you’re concerned about my health—that you’re not sure that I realize I’m coming across as really angry lately.

Your assessment is correct.
I am angry.
I’m sorry.

I can imagine I’m not all that fun to be around right now, and that from time to time my words come across as combative or abrasive. I’m probably more than a bit of a downer lately and I apologize.

You’re going to have to bear with me, as I haven’t been sleeping well for about two years or so. Admittedly I’m not at my best these days, so you’ll need to forgive me. I’m chronically overtired. I’m exhausted from having to give all the sh*ts about people that you’re supposed to be giving—along with my own.

I’m worn out from keeping up on legislation and watching hearings and staying on top of details and remembering deadlines and imploring action—while you go about your day as if such things are an annoyance, is if they are a disruption of your plan, as if the expiration date for my outrage has long come and gone.

I am absolutely burnt out from trying to make my voice loud enough to counteract not only the bad people’s incredible volume—but your deafening silence. Both of these things are doing similar damage right now, sadly.

Believe me, I understand that my activism is a problem for you. Please know that your inactivism is similarly problematic for me. It’s part of the reason I am as angry as I am; because I’m not only having to fight against those who seem furiously bent on hurting people—I’m having to fight against those who don’t seem give enough of a damn that they are doing so, to say anything.

Look, I get it, I really do. It’s difficult to see so much bad news, to fully face the relentless flood of terrible, to try and wrap your brain around seemingly boundless cruelty around you. It’s tiresome to spend so much time with a closed fist. I know it’s even a pain in the rear end to endure the continual rantings of people like me on your news feed and in your timeline and across the dinner table and in the break room.

I’m tired of me too.
I’m sick of the fight too.
I’m sick of the sound of my own voice.
I’d rather not be doing this either.
I’d much rather prefer to just enjoy life, to forget about it all, to only post pictures of puppies and my kids, and to simply ignore all that “political garbage.”
But that is what privilege looks like; to even believe I have such an option, to have the great luxury of living without urgency because I can seemingly shield myself from it all.

That is what the bad people are counting on. They’re counting on good people who are too tired, too apathetic, too selfish, or to oblivious to sustain their outrage. I am not going to give that gift to them.

As long as they’re fully invested in putting people through hell, I’m going to be as invested in pushing back against it.
I think the people I love are worth it.
I think you and the people you love are worth it.
I think people I’ll never meet are worth it.

And that’s the rub here: love will often look a lot like rage, as it fiercely fights on behalf of those who are being brutalized. 

So yes, angry is not all that I am, but I am rightly angry.

And it would be really helpful if we could carry the load of outrage right now. 

That would actually be a source of rest and joy and breath.

Friend, if you really want me to be less angry, you might try being a little more angry.

I am angry, friend.

I wish you were angry too.

 

Order John’s book, ‘A Bigger Table’ here.

220 thoughts on “Yes, I’m Angry, Friend. I Wish You Were.”

  3. Gods Holy Word is Correct in stating that :
    Christians, True believers in Jesus Christ are to Be Angry at Sin: Love People , Hate Sin
    Clearly states : Sin NOT
    Change , Turn Around, Do what is in accordance with Scripture
    follow Truth, Not man
    Not the Religeon of the day
    Dont Lust , LOVE one another with truth, standards, self control, meekness, humility , serving one another for the Gospel
    Not MONEY
    NOT exposure
    NOT love ,and acceptance of others
    But in odedience to God, the Father , who was born to be the sin atonement for Sin.
    ONLY to those who would cry out and accept him as the only way, only one, only gift who can take away sin. past, guilt, shame, all that holds you back .
    Gods Love , Jesus Christ

    • I had to read that about 4 times to come to agreement. Though my ideas about the Beattitudes and the Sermon on the Mount differ from the Evangelicals who apparently have no problem with the Trump world order, I think we will prevail. I always return to JF Kennedy and Robert Kennedy’s big speeches about virtue versus fear and anger. To this end, this will indeed prevail.

      • Beware those who only play lip-service to God:

        Then the Lord said, “Because this people draw near with their words And honor Me with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote, therefore behold, I will once again deal marvelously with this people, wondrously marvelous; And the wisdom of their wise men will perish, And the discernment of their discerning men will be concealed.” Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the LORD, And whose deeds are done in a dark place, And they say, “Who sees us?” or “Who knows us?”

  4. We’ve got to change the way we communicate – we can’t just be angry, and express that. We can no longer just criticize, or deride, and that’s it. We’ve got to rediscover communication. Both with people on “our side” of the political debate – but with others on the “other side” of the political debate. Refuse to give into animosity / rivalry / retribution / animosity / apathy. So, people are tired of seeing you angry all the time? People are tired of others trying to “scare” them into caring? Clear your mind of negativity – get to the root of what you’re trying to express. So the “other side” is tired of us grouping them all together as bigots, racists, etc.? Try a different approach. Read up on the psychology behind the memes / propaganda being passed around. Discontinue communicating like that. When you see others still using memes/propaganda, break it down for them in words THEY can understand. Anger and fear are never effective means for positive ends – perhaps the feelings of negativity are compounded by feelings of being ineffective? And now we see how we make things worse. Want to make a difference? TRY A DIFFERENT APPROACH.

    • Anger is the emotion that tells us we have something that we need to attend to. That something we need to attend to is alerting the world to the modern day EVIL that goes by the names “Christian fundamentalist” and Conservative Evangelical—so people can avoid them—-and come unfettered and without fear to the authentic Jesus Christ of the New Testament.

      Nuff Said.

    • Well, here we are at the end of September, 2018, and I don’t see where coming together and singing Kumbaya has worked. We have a president who has told more than 5,000 confirmed lies since he took office; we have a Republican Congress that still won’t work across their respective aisles; we have a potential SCOTUS nominee who is having serious problems with lying and accusations of sexual assault; we have lost our rights to clean air and water; the poor are still suffering; the ill are still sick and have limited health insurance; our children are losing their rights to a good education; and many of us are still angry. We have turned our cheeks, we have tried to play nice, we have tried to reason – all to no avail. Midterm elections are coming up in less than 40 days, and we need to take our anger and turn it into a vote for the future. I am so angry that voting will be an enjoyable experience, and one that I have looked forward to for almost two years. Thank you, John, for guiding us through this horrible time and for keeping the light of hope burning brightly.

  5. Anger is a natural response to injustice. It is fuel for action to stand against injustice and to speak one’s truth. POTUS has removed heating subsides for the poor midwestern families who count on those to keep warm in the bitter cold of the midwest. Millions of dollars has been removed from healthcare for the disadvantaged. Funding for meal on wheels has been cut out. The tax breaks are only temporary and in a few years middle class people and the disadvantaged will be paying more in taxes while corporations tax cuts are permanent at the cost of more than a trillion dollars in deficit which again will follow on the middle class to pay and on cuts to services to continue tax breaks to millionaires and billionaires. Students who had debt repayment breaks by no or low interest rates have had those breaks removed and they will be burdened by debt for decades so they will not be able to afford to buy a home, and their children will grow up in an impoverished situation. Harm is being done to the environment from the removal of EPA safeguards and restrictions on pollutants in the soil and water. Meanwhile, POTUS is in a conflict of interest daily by making money hand over fist by having his “office” at Maro Lago, and requiring foreign dignitaries and their security to pay him to stay there. He was supposed to divest himself of his business interests, but his sons have them all and he can cash funds out at any time. On top of this, he uses foul and demeaning language towards citizens and countries of colour. All of this issues are clearly ones to take a stand against and if anger fuels that and motivates that then that is good.

  6. John,
    I don’t know if you read the comments on your page or not (if I had a blog I’m not sure I would ~ they go down some pretty crazy rabbit holes!) but in case you do I’d like you to know you are not a lone voice in the wilderness. There is a momentum building (slowly to be sure) but I feel there are a growing number of voices speaking up. I am still hopeful that the volume will continue to grow to drown out the evil, the ignorant & the greedy. Please don’t despair. And keep shouting out ~ there are many more voices that are in unison with you!!

    • I agree and I also have your back. You have the courage to call out in a public forum the insidiousness of hypocrisy. I remember that Jesus did the same with the Pharisees and John the Baptist did the same with the general population. Will it bring about a change of heart? That is up to the free will conscience of each individual and is not motive for what is or is not said. A voice calling out in the wilderness of what is going on in America, yes you are that.

    • John, I only recently “found” your words of wisdom. You cannot imagine how much you have helped me in surviving this horrible nightmare we are living through. I’m 71 years old and, although born after WW II, have many recollections about what my parents lived through during the war. I feel we are headed in the same direction as the world was in the 1930s when Hitler began the horrific deeds of the Nazi. Trump is following the same path and Evangelicals here seem completely brainwashed! I pray every day for our country and our democracy. It’s very existence is being severely threatened. So, Yes, I am VERY angry! We need millions more to be angry. Maybe our anger will spread and cause others to do something – anything – to save this country. I have called, emailed, and written my congressman and senators until I could scream! My anger is all that keeps me continuing to speak out! Like you, sometimes I am totally exhausted and discouraged. My faith tells me that God helps those who help themselves. I try to live by that in choosing to help, in some small way, to save our democracy. Please keep inspiring us all! We need you to see us through this! Thank you for all your writings!

  8. I don’t get you people. Seems like when in doubt, spout out some God-talk. The essay was about anger…. And needing to express it. Needing others to express it as well. To help each other get through the hard times by communicating, not remaining silent. It’s too damn easy to stay silent & let another feel alone. You need people to respond, not some unseen man with a beard sitting on a cloud… Stop staring at your phone, look up and connect with somebody! Serious times call for serious measures. Speak up or listen. Then speak up! Just don’t be mean. There are plenty enough of those types, so please don’t become another one. Bye4Now……

  9. What this president has given us is a reminder that we the people get the government that we choose. To choose wisely, we have to participate by voting, by educating ourselves on the issues, and even by participating in elections. The gift of this current set of political actors is the wake up call that we the people have been asleep. We are waking up now. The true legacy will be accountability in the polls and changes to government at all levels. We let this happen. The good news is that we can change it too. Vote. Donate. Run for Office.

  10. Hi John,

    I’ve been angry for a year. Since my 33-year-old son, Mark Baumer, was killed. He was a poet/activist, who was walking across America, raising awareness about climate change and raising funds for an activist group he was a member of. Just Google “Mark Baumer poet” for the story. He was hit and killed by a woman driving an SUV. He was walking in the paved breakdown lane, against traffic, wearing a fluorescent vest. The driver left her lane and hit him in the middle of the shoulder.

    While walking through the Bible Belt, he regularly had Xians stop and offer him shoes (he was walking barefoot), or food he didn’t eat (he was a plant-based vegan). They thought he was homeless. He wasn’t. He was a graduate of an Ivy League college. I’m guessing the people who don’t get your anger have stopped reading at this point.

    I’m angry because of all the people who felt it was their right to “inflict” their prayers on me and Mark’s mom. Because they’re so insensitive to two people who’ve had their world turned upside down due to the death of our son, a death that has no meaning, whatsoever. No amount of faux religiosity, or empty words from God people will ever change that. What might actually help, Sunday-only religious types are incapable of delivering. These people love Trump, however.

    If you read some comments on YouTube, for the last two videos Mark posted on Day 99 and Day 100 of his walk, many of the commenters blame him for his own death, and some are pretty f*cking cruel. Like the cruelty that motivates a voter to inflict a tin-pot dictator posing as president on the rest of us. There were 62 million of those, so not an insignificant number.

    Some person who never met Mark, a different type of Xian, showed up on my Facebook page, and offered a message of simple compassion and Christ-like empathy. It was this person who linked me to your writing and work. I’m impressed. This from someone who “washed out” of Bible College 30 years ago because the pastor, Jack Hyles, was a major league fraud. So have almost every other God person I’ve met ever since.

    Tragedy and the associated grief my wife and I will always be forced to soldier through changes you. You no longer have the capacity for the usual BS and genuine social pathology of most of the people who inhabit the planet, at least this sector of it (the U.S.) you are forced to share.

    Keep on lifting up a standard of what people should be like if they must name the name of Jesus.

    I will continue telling others about you and your message. Mark would have been intrigued by a pastor who actually modeled the message of Jesus. Because while Mark didn’t consider himself a Xian, he lived a life of love and compassion towards others that was Christ-like.

    Hope I’ve been able to make my point, but I’m guessing that people simply hear what they want to hear. I know you know that better than anyone, John.

    -Jim Baumer

  13. I love this particular blog so very, very much. It expresses everything I feel. Because of that, I should mention four errors that, in my opinion, should be corrected. I don’t mention these to be obnoxious. I only mention them because a blog post so sublime should be perfected.

    1. and 2. “as if such things are an annoyance, is if they are a disruption of your plan, as if the expiration date for my outrage has long come and gone.”

    as if they are a disruption of your plans

    (because, presumably, people have more than one plan)

    3. “I’d much rather prefer to just enjoy life”

    I’d prefer to just enjoy life

    4. “or to oblivious to sustain their outrage”

    or too oblivious to sustain their outrage

    5. Not a typo, but I was wondering, in the context of the text if you meant something different .

    “And it would be really helpful if we could carry the load of outrage right now. ”

    Did you mean: “And it would be really helpful if we could carry the load of outrage together.”?

  14. Thank you, this describes how I feel 24/7 for the past couple years (mine started with the preliminary elections). I can’t believe even a Republican dominated congress just allows him to continue in that position. If he were a regular employee at a regular job he’d be fired immediately but since he’s rich, white and now POTUS thanks to our Russian “friends” and our complicite congress, he gets to continue to destroy everything decades of work has accomplished all for the sake of the fearful but loud few. May God have mercy on our souls.

  15. https://journeytosanity.weebly.com/processing/its-time-to-wise-up
    I understand your frustration and anger. But I think maybe they are counting on that, too. Divisiveness is also a way of controlling. I love that you are pushing back, but I don’t think it will matter at this point. We have to step back and fix ourselves. There is so much wrong, and so much corruption and so much complacency, both in the government and in organized religion, particularly fundamentalist religion. But people are so busy glorifying and celebrating thugs and porn stars, and you can hardly get them to look up from their cell phones. Their children are screaming for attention. Human traffickers are happy to give it to them. If we don’t start sending some positive energy and love out there and all we re-broadcast is gloom and doom, we are going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  16. Seriously ? You’re angry ? Wow, welcome to the machine, sunshine.

    Me ? I’m just tired. Tired of being told how to dress, how to wear my makeup, tired of being told “Take a midol”, tired of being told I’m too angry or, conversely, and there is ALWAYS a conversely in all these statements, I’m not angry enough.

    What makes you think you are the only one on the anger bandwagon ? I’ve been fighting for decades now, every day of my life it seems there is another knife fight for me. While privileged people like you take for granted your “rights”. Glad I could give 7 years of my life in uniform promising to protect, with my life, if necessary, everybodies rights, well, everybodies but mine, I lost a lot of them. But hey, no regrets, after all, I volunteered, multiple times.

    Trump getting elected is what it took to get you angry? Lose sleep? Be short tempered ? All I have to say to that is you must have a high tolerance for bullshorts. I’ve been angry every time the ERA has failed to be ratified. I’ve been angry since Regan emptied the mental hospitals and accelerated the homeless problem. Or during his union busting days with the ATC union. I’ve been angry since I realized the war I grew up during, and eventually became a part of, was over OIL.

    Yeah, welcome to the machine. I’m not angry with you, no, I wish you sleep, and good food and friends and the chance to see an end to this nonsense.

    But as someone who has been there for a long time, I realize wishes aren’t going to help anyone.

    Just our being angry, and tired, of being angry. And actually doing something.

    In the name of the Goddess, blessed be.
    No, I’m not a Christian, God said he didn’t care.

  17. Thanks, John, for your continuing expression of the truth. I understand your exhaustion. Your exposition of feelings and the reasons for them are helping many others to continue to fight through their own exhaustion. I encourage you to continue, knowing there are others engaged as well.

  18. John, you wrote “love will often look a lot like rage, ” which made me consider the ugly rage of the others. They are angry too. I recognize that that is anger derived from fear (though they’d never admit it). Does that change things?

  19. I am angry too, and sad… I fear for my friends in the USA, I fear for my friends, my family here in Europe.

    Dark agents are working to drive people and allies apart. Divide and conquer is the ancient wisdom that still works, so we need to get together, band together, people of good will, and show them we care!

    Let’s be Samaritans, no matter whether we believe in God or a supreme being or not!

  20. Pingback: See me | Art for Climate Change

  21. This guy needs to smoke some weed or something. He’s going to have a heart attack being angry and bitter until 2024…it’s going to be a long 6 years for this snowflake.

  22. John, I share and honor your anger. If any good is to come out of this, it will be that those of us who thought that we good relax, that evil had been defeated, it has wakened us with a bang! We can’t be complacent any longer, we must always be vigilant.

  23. Anger is also blinding. Anger clouds your vision. Anger clouds your heart.

    The truth is, all the injustices in the world, all the tragedies of the world, began years ago, when sin began. So, to the people, like you, who can’t seem to handle your newfound rage, who wonder how people manage to keep on living their life, my question is why now? The wars and starvation, the drugs and destitution, the abuse and abandonment of people around you never caught your eye before, never inspired this anger? Will you consume yourselves with anger until there is no sin left in the world?

    The problem is when people cling to their anger and can’t move out of it. I’ve seen friends devastated by similar circumstances but walk away with very different perspectives and very different changes to their life. Angry people enjoy being angry. It becomes an addiction that they need to feed. It’s like the gossip we tell to friends when we feel we’ve been wronged, the desire to tell everyone, so that we can feed that self-righteousness. We hope that others feed it too. We feel deflated when listeners don’t instantly agree with us and we even become defensive. We turn our anger on them, for not siding with us. Sound familiar?

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