“Haters gonna hate.”
It’s a refrain that you hear everywhere; from teenagers, star athletes, famous actresses, corporate executives, and yes, even from pastors.
The H-word has now become the default response to opposition of any kind, and lets face it, most of us face opposition of many kinds, all the time.
In fact, if you do anything at all of any consequence in this world, you will have “haters”; people who disagree with you, find fault with you, and who attack you, your motives, and your character. It’s part of the gig of being around or interacting with other humans.
In our social media culture of Personal Perception Management, it’s now popular to simply dismiss them all as jealous, mean-spirited, and ignorant.
If someone questions something about us, we conclude that they obviously resent our position, or our success or good fortune, and we decide that they haven’t a clue about us.
When a person delivers anything remotely resembling criticism, we move quickly to the defensive; returning fire, and engineering a wholesale dismantling of their integrity, and a discrediting of their perspective.
Most of us determine, that the only sensible course of action when faced with these obviously misguided critics, is to simply shake the dust” from our feet”, and leave, (or Unfriend and block them, as the case may be), ’cause… “Haters gonna hate.”
That’s the easiest thing to do, isn’t it; to attack and remove and retreat?
When the haters come, it’s so tempting just to shut them up, and to shut them down; to delete any evidence of their existence, and to fall into the welcome, waiting arms of our real supporters and friends, (who by the way, conveniently only provide accolades, affirmation and “atta boys”).
So many of us silence the haters, because then we don’t have to entertain some potentially bubble-bursting realities:
Sometimes, there’s some merit in the criticism.
Sometimes, beneath and despite any sinister motives or incorrect assumptions, there is still invaluable truth.
Sometimes, the haters are right.
Good leaders, who are interested not just in leading, but in truly growing, warmly welcome critique from wherever it comes.
They embrace opposition.
They court disagreement.
They lean into the conflict, because they realize that as they do, they are given the chance once again, to reexamine their hearts, to reassess their actions, and to reclaim their vision.
The haters give us the true gift of asking the questions that we might avoid asking.
They see the dangerous things we might be blind to.
They point out our hypocrisy, our prejudices and our weaknesses.
We all like to say that we want true accountability in our lives; to have good, wise people around us, who love us enough to get into our business, and to give us hard words when we need them.
The haters may not always love us, but they can still spot a phony, they can still discern inauthenticity, and they can still make us better, if we’re willing to listen; if we’re willing to sift their words to uncover the truth worth knowing.
So if people are calling you a jerk, they may in fact, simply envy you, and may unfairly be looking for a reason to knock you down.
They may wrongly resent you, and be completely out-of-line in calling you out.
Or, as a good friend once said, “There is also the possibility, that you could just be a jerk”.
May you learn to love the haters.
