Parents, let’s be clear: You have the absolute toughest job in the world… period.
I know well, that you labor every day in some of the most adverse conditions on the planet.
You work and you worry, you encourage and protect, you love and defend. You sacrifice sleep, and your youthful looks, and sanity, and time to yourself, and privacy and every kind of luxury imaginable.
And you do it all for your teenagers; the same teenagers who roll their eyes at you, complain about you on Facebook, and provide virtually nothing in the way of conversation or information, that might give you any kind of window into what they are going through or what they need.
Yet despite all of that, you should have an advantage.
I have a mathematical equation that I want you to consider. I call it Parental Math, and it involves simply adding you and your spouse’s ages together, and then subtracting your child’s age, to get your Parent Experience Differential, or P.E.D.
– For example, if you’re 38 and your spouse is 42. (38 + 42 = 80)
– Now, let’s say, you have a 16-year old. Subtract that (80 – 16 = 54)
– In this case, your P.E.D. is 54. You and your spouse have a combined 54 years on your child. (That’s 54 years of lessons learned, skills
acquired and mistakes made).
Take a second and figure out your P.E.D. with each of your children…
Now, ask yourself if those years are showing, in your conduct as adults, and in your interactions with your kids as their parents, especially in times of conflict?
I mean, 54 years doing anything should yield some amount of expertise, right?
As I said above, you have all kinds of adversity to overcome; lots of difficult questions, complicated issues and liberal doses of bad behavior to navigate. But you also have a wealth of experience, which should be manifesting itself in wise decisions, both in your lifestyle choices and parenting moves.
Teenagers are strongly influenced by their peers, but you have something that they don’t have: years.
Now Moms and Dads, I know teenagers have a tremendous ability to push buttons and to deftly defy your attempts at discipline and rule-keeping.
But you are the adults. You are the parents.
Your obligation is maturity, your charge is integrity and your calling is restraint.
What those extra years should do for you as a parent, is to help you see that you have more knowledge than you think. You have more experience than you realize.
Maybe you’ve been too close to the fight lately, too fatigued in the conflict, too immersed in the mess to see just how equipped you are to teach and guide and nurture the children in your care. (If not you, then who is?)
So while this post may have initially felt like judgment or criticism, I hope you will see it as an eye-opener, and a true encouragement, that you are capable and qualified.
Whatever you are facing as a parent right now, take a deep breath, pray, do the math, and trust the numbers.
(Author’s note: Parental Math works well if you are only using individual children’s ages. If you add up the combined ages of your kids against you and your spouse, you may be in big trouble. 🙂
